Sunday, July 29, 2018

I'm Buggin', Myself

In our late 20s, "I feel so old" conversations began creeping into my friend group. These conversations were usually in the context of one of two things: our ability to recover from drinking or feeling just a little too old & out of place at bars that we had frequented.

Deep down I don't think any of us truly felt "old" in the figurative sense. We just found it fun to talk about how we were "aging." Perhaps we found solace in the fact that the degradation of our partying skills wasn't merely confined to ourselves. We were all "suffering" together.

In professional athletics, sports journalists observe a commonality in the decline of star athletes regardless of the sport: it's a precipitous fall. One day they have it, and the next they don't.

I had a similar experience last week.

This year, I was assigned to manage an intern. She's 20. I'm 34.

The company where I work aims to hire the interns after they graduate from college, so our summer program is actually staffed with stellar people that have the potential to turn into full-time employees. With only a few exceptions, interns in my past jobs really did only surf the internet all day & get coffee. My intern will probably take my job in three years.

During a dinner with other colleagues on a work trip this past week, she dropped the term "bool."

"What," I asked, or more likely exclaimed.

She explained "bool," but it didn't register. It would not register.

I asked for other parts of speech (verb: boolin'). I asked for it to be used in another sentence. Additional definitions. Etymology. Alternate pronunciations. It was like the Scripps National Spelling Bee, except I was allowed to ask how to spell it.

When I finally grasped the term, I attempted to use it in a sentence.

The awkwardness of my delivery could only be described as dad-like. In the universe of Teen Mom OG, I'm ALMOST old enough to be her dad. Though, that would be a specious reason for my performance.

At that moment, I knew. This was my precipitous fall.

I'm so old.

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