Tuesday, February 09, 2010

I Need A New Roommate

My roommate, Old Guy, has decided he wants to get his own apartment in NY. Why, after three glorious years, he would want to leave me...I have no idea. I'm baffled; it's the end of an era. In any case, I hate moving -- it's time-consuming, labor-intensive and costly. Besides, you know how many boxes I'm going to need just for my shoes and t-shirts?

In an effort to avoid moving, I am looking for a new roommate. The lease starts on May 1, but I need to renew by March 1. We can discuss rent, lease term, etc. if I've deemed you to be a solid lead. I'm open to living with a guy or girl. Please let me know if you're interested, and feel free to forward to any non-sketchy people who you think will be interested. If you wouldn't want to live with him/her, please don't torture me by recommending him/her to me. Also, I realize some of you don't live in NY, but being a global society, I figure you might know someone.

Here is some info:

- It's a 5th-floor walk-up. Don't be scared. It's only tough the first couple days. It's good to climb stairs. Compliments on how nice your ass looks will start to roll in. You won't even need EasyTones.
- 1.5 baths. We won't have to fight over the toilet. You know this is very important.
- Hardwood floors
- Excellent property management company. They are very responsive and have immediately addressed the very few issues we've encountered.

- East Houston (between Orchard Street and Allen Street)
- I'm located in the LES very near what Kramer dubbed, "the nexus of the universe." There are tons of restaurants, bars/clubs and shops.
- I live right above Russ & Daughters, and Katz's is a block away. It's perfect if you're into lox, babka, deli sandwiches without cheese, and all those other Jewish goodies.
- I'm above an American Apparel, so if you're into purchasing high-priced, simple clothing, you win. Also, they have a few hot employees.
- One word: Libation.
- Ray's (pizza), Philly's (cheesesteaks) and Bereket (Turkish) are a block away, and I'm pretty sure they're open 24 hours. Welcome back, Freshman 15!
- OK. Libation was a joke. Forgive me.

Surrounding Neighborhoods

- You're a hop, skip and a jump away from the East Village and Alphabet City, which both also have tons of restaurants, bars/clubs and shops.
- You're a ten-minute walk from Nolita and about twenty minutes from Chinatown, Soho and NYU (college chicks!)


- Trains: The F is just across the street. The 6 is 10 minutes away on Houston. The N/R/W is 15 minutes away at Prince & Broadway.
- Buses: The M101 is around the corner and will take you straight up 1st Avenue. The M15 is across the street and will take you down to Chinatown and the Financial District. The M21 takes you crosstown via Houston.

- Wii with two guitars for Guitar Hero. Chicks dig it. Trust me.
- I have two Nerf guns, so we can battle each other.
- I'll let you use my skateboard, mainly because I'm hoping you'll know how to teach me how to ride it properly.
- I have an autographed Hanson CD. Also, a chick-magnet.

- If none of the aforementioned items is enough, I've been told that I'm somewhat tolerable and mildly handsome.


  1. I love American Apparel ads. The poor mans porn never lets me down.

  2. in order to gauge a more accurate assessment of you as a roommate i feel old guy needs to leave a statement. it's only fair to potential applicants.