Friday, March 27, 2009

Hooters Girls Are Smart

Back in 2002 , the HGOC was seeing a girl who worked at Hooters. She seemed very nice. After a futbol game, my teammates and I went to the location where she worked, and she served us free beer. Everyone in our group was 19 or 20.

Think about the 19- and 20-year-olds you see now. They're just kids; they look like babies! Her manager scolded her and kicked us out, but I appreciated her effort.

That summer, we spent a lot of time lounging on a friend's boat, drinking and enjoying the great weather . One particular day, he invited the Hooters girl, and she brought her friend, a fellow Hooters co-worker. On our way out to the middle of the lake, the following conversation took place:

HGOC: So what did you girls do last night?
Hooters Friend: Oh my gosh. We got sooooo obliviated! It was nuts.
Hooters Girl: Yeah! It was crazy. We drank sooooo much.
Me: Silence. (I'm staring out across the water trying to avoid eye contact with the HGOC for fear of breaking out into uncontrollable laughter.)

The rest of the afternoon was a blur, but the moment we dropped off the two Hooters girls at the dock, I do remember the following conversation:

Me: (With a smirk on my face) So what do you want to do tonight?
HGOC: Let's get obliviated!
Me: Hell yeah! Obliviated! Wooooo!

And cue the uncontrollable laughter.

(Just for the record, I hate going to Hooters. The Dirty Burrito feels dirty, but in a bad way. Also, the wings from Hooters are horrendous.)

1 comment:

  1. A long time ago in a far away place called Flint, an ex-girlfriend (she was an ex at the time) took me to Hooters for my 18th birthday. Kinda weird? Yes.

    On to more important things.

    So there I was in Fort Lauderdale, FL for spring break. It was senior year of high school, and I was on a trip chaperoned by an employee of the great Orchard Lake St. Mary's. Because of this, we were required to go to church on Easter Sunday (The longs arms of Mother Mary know no bounds). Unfortunately for Jesus and his cohorts, we were not giving up an entire day of fun just because we had to sit though Mass later that day. This is when we found Hooters.

    As we cruised the beach looking for tasty young biscuits, we spotted the Hooters across the street. We weren't so much interested in the ladies (many girls closer to naked on the beach), but the stream of people flowing in and out with fruity frozen delights caught our eye. Being just 18, we didn't think twice about trying to get some frothy girly drinks. If anything, we thought it was a better choice for maintaining some reasonable level of sobriety than the straight from the bottle Bicardi Limón we were so into at the time. This plan would unfortunately backfire.

    As we crossed the street, we contemplated our game. Only one of us had a fake i.d. and repeated trips in and out to secure enough for all of us would draw a little more attention than we desired. We opted for a typical route taken by kids our age. We stood outside and asked every cool looking 21 year old to buy us some drinks. Not being able to discern the different drink options from the outside, we said that we'll have whatever he's getting. We figured this made it the least amount of hassle for the guy. Little did we know at the time, his slight snicker was not because he thought our "hey dude" was funny, but rather it was because he knew into what we were getting ourselves.

    He emerged with our red icy concoctions, handed them over, and went back in to spit game at the Hooters Girls. We finished the first drinks and secured another round, this time ordered by name. 190 Octanes please. We wandered back across to the beach, sipping our frou-frou drinks unknowing of what was slowly happening. After about 30 minutes, we were wasted. 100% 'obliviated.' As it turns out, that snicker from the drink donor was because he knew what a 190 Octane was.

    As we would come to find out, the 190 in the name was a reference to the fact that it was made primarily with 190 proof Everclear. Grain alcohol and kids who have been drinking for under two years does not equal a reasonable level of sobriety. Quite the opposite.

    We left for church just under two hours later. We spent that precious time before pounding bottles of water, taking cold showers, and eating anything in site all in an effort to sober up. It was too late though, and we had had too much. We were destined for a showdown with the resurrected lord Jesus.

    As punishment for our evil deeds, we all had to sweat it out in church for 2 hours praying that our chaperon wouldn't find out we were shitfaced. Even after having the close call with the lord, I have sought out a real 190 Octane any chance I could. Most states unfortunately do not allow grain alcohol in their bars. Probably a good law.