Monday, February 09, 2009

I Speak Engrish

I was standing outside of Madison Square Garden last night with my Chinese friend, Brando. We were waiting for someone before we headed inside to watch the Westminster Dog Show when a bum came up to us and said, "Excuse me. Excuse me. Do you guys speak English?"

We just looked at each other and wanted to bust out in hysterical laughter. Instead we let this man finish his sales pitch, which had something to do with being just a few dollars short of a bus ticket to see a relative in a distant land. I can't really recall the exact story because I was stuck on the fact that this street dweller had just asked us if we spoke English.

The main question weighing on my mind was weather he thought I was also Asian or Mexican. Though the situation was ridiculously funny, he at least asked if we spoke English. That was very polite. Usually people will just start speaking Spanish to me.


  1. Did he ask slowly and loudly? It is my understanding that people who don't speak English can magically comprehend it if you speak screwed and chopped.

  2. Wait....why were you going to the Westminster Dog Show?

  3. He's working in the Chihuahua department of my puppy snatching business.

  4. Envisioning this event makes me happy, Carlo.

    Also, I do believe you've left out the most important piece of information -- why the hell were you at the Dog Show?