Monday, December 14, 2009

Sunglasses at Night

In case you were wondering, I watch Jersey Shore. Now, if you're wondering whether I will write a thorough review of the show, the answer is "not at the moment." Don't get me wrong. I'm an avid fan. Each episode provides such a plethora of ridiculous situations and one-liners, I could write blog posts for days. But for the moment, I will not devote a post to making fun of these upstanding Italian Americans. This show is funny enough on its own and carries so much momentum on the Internet and social circles, I don't need to write anything about it. Just check your friends' Facebook statuses, search #jerseyshore on Twitter or follow the episode recaps and catchphrase countdowns on Vulture. I don't feel the need to dissect Jersey Shore like I dissected certain parts of Laguna Beach/Newport Harbor or Gossip Girl. I think America, as a collective audience, is all on the same page.

With that said, I just want to go on the record and say Pauly D. is the only acceptable person on this show. To quote Disco Stu, "he is the only guy from this show I would hang out with." Whereas everyone else on this show appears to be overplaying their "guido-ness," I get a feeling Pauly D. is truly being himself. His honesty is refreshing and funny. He states his thoughts and observations with absolute conviction and without pretense. It's as if he knows no other way of living than being a super-guido with super-spikey, over-gelled hair, and if you were to ever take that away from him, you'd crush his hopes and dreams.

It's Music Monday, and today's song is in honor of Jersey Shore and something funny the HGOC did last week while he visited NYC. He was at Tenjune, having a subpar experience, and he mentioned this exchange he had with one of the patrons:

"This guy at the next place we went to had on sunglasses, and I just blew up on him and was like, 'What the hell is your problem? There is no fucking way you can see.'"

Enjoy "Sunglasses at Night" by Corey Hart. (Sorry, but I can't embed. This week's blame goes to EMI.)

Monday, November 30, 2009

Let's Cyber

Happy Cyber Monday! I hope everyone had a lot of tasty eats and found some awesome shopping deals this weekend. Now that the season of giving is officially underway, I was hoping you guys would be able to support a group I just joined by voting for them on Facebook and/or giving a small donation.

This fall I started volunteering as a mentor for Minds Matter. It's a great non-profit organization, which helps transform the lives of accomplished high school students from low-income families by preparing them for college success. We meet every Saturday with our mentees to help them set goals for what they want to accomplish, and we also work with them very closely to help them gain admission to amazing collegiate summer programs at institutions such as Columbia, Exeter and the University of Michigan. I work with a really bright sophomore from the Brownsville neighborhood of Brooklyn. He's great at math and science, and he eventually wants to go to school to be a lawyer.

In addition to my mentoring responsibilities, I'm trying to raise $1,000. The money helps pay for all of the application fees and attendance costs associated with the summer programs. It's a really important goal to reach because all of the kids come from financially disadvantaged households. Without Minds Matter, most of them most likely wouldn't be able to attend, or even apply, to these programs.

You can help out in the following ways:

1. Donate some cash at my fundraising page. Every little bit helps. Whether you donate $5 or $50, your support is hugely appreciated. If I get $15 by Thursday, the donation will be matched. It's also the end of the year, so you can use your donation for tax write-offs.

2. Vote for us on Facebook via the Chase Community Giving program. You can vote until December 11, and the top 100 charities get $25,000 from Chase. Being in the top 100 also gets us to the final round, where the top charity receives $1 million and the five runners-up will receive $100,000. This could be huge, so just follow these steps:
- Go to the Minds Matter page
- Allow the Chase Community Giving app
- Vote for Minds Matter
- Post to your Wall so all of your Facebook friends can see your vote

Monday, November 23, 2009

Team Bella

I watched Twilight and New Moon within a 12-hour span this weekend. I honestly never had any interest in the teenage vampire saga until I saw the New Moon trailer a few months ago. It had vampires, werewolves and secret sects -- I thought it would be just like Underworld, but without Kate Beckinsale kicking ass in a tight leather bodysuit and UV light guns.

I wanted to go straight to New Moon, but it was recommended that I first watch Twilight to get up-to-speed on all the background. So, that's how I spent my Saturday night. And it was totally worth it. I was sucked in. The moment it finished, I started checking Sunday showtimes for New Moon. I went to the 11am showing, which was quite an experience.

There were probably only 10-15 guys in the theatre, but I was definitely the only one who showed up by himself. I couldn't find anyone else to go with me! All my friends who are fans already saw it on Friday, so I was out of luck. I actually don't mind seeing movies solo, unless it's a comedy, but this was a bit awkward, even for me. When I was exiting the theatre, an employee was hawking memorabilia and Team Jacob and Team Edward gear so I'd have something to commemorate the experience. Yeah...

Obviously, I'm now a fan. My sister asked me if I was on Team Edward or Team Jacob. I'm on Team Bella. I have a newfound crush on Kristen Stewart. She's cute. I do think that Edward has a solid wardrobe. The man wears some cool jackets and suits. Jacob just runs around in shorts and no shirt, showing off his 30 pounds of muscle* like some Jersey Shore guido. What a douche.

I must say that Peter Facinelli's Carlisle bears a striking resemblance to Tom Cruise's Lestat**. He is one of the all-time greats. He's found popularity with two generations of teenagers because of Can't Hardly Wait and New Moon. All I have to say about that is, "Who's gonna want you now, Aman-DUH?!"

I didn't just watch emo movies all weekend. To counteract all the angst, I watched John Woo's Red Cliff. It was awesome. See it.

*Side Note: The Homewrecker said she and Powers are throwing a party on Taylor Lautner's 18th birthday. Guys did countdowns to 18th birthdays for girls, such as the Olsen twins and Lindsay Lohan, but this is the first time I've heard of the opposite situation. I think it's time Chris Hansen started a female version of To Catch A Predator.

**I'm probably too old to watch New Moon if I'm able to make references to Interview with the Vampire.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

One Emo Hill

I can count on two things every Monday night: hearing Ed Westwick's debonair English voice telling me to stay tuned for an all-new episode of Gossip Girl, and a super emo song at the end of One Tree Hill.

I always set up my DVR to record Gossip Girl one minute early, and I never watch it live because I like to fastforward through all of the commercials. Every time I start my recorded episode, I'm in the last 10-20 seconds of One Tree Hill. Without fail, every episode ends with one of the characters staring into space in deep contemplation over something dramatic that just happened, while a super whiny, slow and most-likely acoustic emo song plays to accentuate the emo-tastic quality of the moment.

Just a few more thoughts on my favorite show, which I don't watch but love to critique:

- Haley still has a music career, and Nate plays professional basketball? And they live in North Carolina? C'mon! Even if I got past the fact that Haley's music could never go platinum, and Nate looks more like an Abercrombie store employee than a pro basketball player, a couple like that would live in L.A. or New York. They're the most unrealistic professional couple ever.
- I loved Hilarie Burton and couldn't get enough of Chad Michael Murray's preternatural ability to squint in every scene, but since they left the show, the female talent has become exponentially hotter. Amazing.
- I still maintain that Jake and Peyton belonged together. Bring them back!
- Will Nick Lachey ever come back to the show?

I didn't like any of the One Tree Hill pictures, so I just went with Chuck Bass. So awesome.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Taste of Chinatown

I had a massive craving for Chinese food two weekends ago, so I texted all of my friends that Sunday to see if anyone wanted to go on a Chinatown food crawl. Unfortunately, I'm a huge loser -- no one wanted to eat with me.

Screw my friends. I don't need them. It's not like I talk to people mid-meal anyway. I'm much too focused on the culinary delights set before me.

I only had three objectives on this particular food crawl:
1) Go to Lan Zhou to try the handmade noodles
2) Revisit the fried food cart at Mott & Canal to get more chicken
3) Get a chocolate-covered cannoli in Littly Italy

I figured anything else I eat would just be a spur of the moment decision. Here is how it went down:

Lan Zhou
144 East Broadway
What I Ate
- Beef noodle soup, $4.50
Success! This was delicious and extremely filling. The noodles were top notch. I didn't try them that day, but the dumplings here look amazing. They don't look like the mangled product you get at Prosperity Dumpling or Fried Dumpling. They're wrapped well, and fried perfectly so the wrapper is nicely browned. I'll be sure to come back when I'm not on a food crawl so I can stuff myself.

Unnamed skewer cart
Northwest corner at Forsyth & Division
What I Ate
- Hot dog on a stick, $1
I had to get this because it was a flashback to my childhood. Growing up in the Philippines, I ate hot dogs on sticks all the time. It's probably why I was a chubby kid. When we moved to the states, my mother sent me to lunch one day with a couple of hot dogs on sticks. All the kids just looked at me like I was some kind of freak -- "why is your hot dog on a stick?" America is a scary place. It probably didn't help when I brought siopao. I need flavor; my classmates were eating bologna and American cheese sandwiches on Wonderbread, and that just didn't cut it for me.

Unnamed fried food cart
Southeast corner at Mott & Canal
What I Ate
- Fish balls, $1
I discovered this cart last Sunday with Disco Stu. We tried the chicken legs for $1.25. Greasy goodness. You could feel it going down. I wanted to come back to try their noodles and/or spring rolls. It must've been my lucky day because on this day, they had deep-fried fish balls -- 5 for $1. Heaven. It's another street treat I used to eat as a kid. Yum.

Fong Inn Too
46 Mott Street
What I Ate
- Taho, $1
Another treat from the motherland. I was on my way to get dumplings when I saw a sign on the awning that said they had taho for $1. The version served at this establishment wasn't as high in syrup as I'm used to, nor did they have the tapioca balls. For $1, it was close enough for me. Filipinos actually buy this stuff from street vendors in the morning and eat it as part of breakfast. It's a nice sugary start to the day.

Fried Dumpling
106 Mosco Street
What I Ate
- Fried dumplings, $1
I just needed something salty before I devoured my cannoli. I'm big on alternating between salty and sweet. And a quick note on how I rank the $1 dumpling establishments:
1) Prosperity Dumpling
2) Vanessa's Dumpling House
3) Fried Dumpling

Cha Cha's
113 Mulberry Street
What I Ate
- Chocolate-covered cannoli, $3
Up until this point, I had spent only $8.50 for my entire food crawl. I leave Chinatown for dessert in Little Italy, and they charge me over 1/3 of what I had spent to that point just for a cannoli. Those Italians... It wasn't enough for Marco Polo to steal our noodles. Now, they're overcharging me for a delicious cannoli. So ungrateful. I can't wait until Chinatown learns how to make cannoli. They're going to put Little Italy out of business. $1 cannoli! Payback time.

Total damage was $11.50. This will probably go down as my cheapest food crawl.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Put Your Face on Cereal

[me] & goji appeared on the Today show a couple of weeks ago, and they made special mixes for each of the hosts. The cereal capsules featured the individual photos of Matt Lauer, Meredith Vieira, Ann Curry and the rest of the crew. The idea was such a hit, they've made it a standard option for customers to be able to put their own photo on the capsules. Luda even got in on the action. He's pimpin' all over the world and eating healthy.

But don't leave all the creativity to the celebrities. You can do it, too. Be creative. Use the option to your advantage. Maybe you and your girlfriend just broke up, and you can't get her out of your mind. Create a mix to win her back. Load it with goldenberries and call it "Nature's Sweet Tart for My Sweetheart," and put a cute picture of the two of you from the early days when you were pretty hot & heavy. It's bound to melt her heart. If that doesn't get her crawling back to you, I always advocate the Say Anything method. Stand outside her house holding a boombox, which is blasting "In Your Eyes," until she takes you back. Some might say this is stalking. I say it's romantic.

Visit www.meandgoji.com to make your own custom mix and personalize it with your photo. It's like you're very own Wheaties, but more healthy and tasty. You no longer need to overachieve to get your face on a cereal. Eight gold medals? Six NBA championships? Nope. Keep underachieving and coasting by. All you need is a digital photograph.

(Note: If this sounded like a blatant sales pitch for [me]& goji, you're damn right it is. I don't hesitate to whore out my friends. Speaking of friends, the Hottest Guy on Campus & Goji Adam are in NYC today. If you would like to join in the debaucherous goji-fication of the city tonight, get in touch with me.)

Monday, November 09, 2009

Facebook Dislike

You've probably used the "Like" function on Facebook multiple times, but if you're like me, you've been wondering when a "Dislike" function would come along. According to Mashable, that day has finally arrived. The Facebook Dislike plugin has been developed for Firefox.

Sick of all those gushing Favre & Tebow status updates while your team is sucking it up? Dislike. What about when you see people in college/grad school complain about all the studying they have to do, forcing them to take a break from their hard life of going to class and hanging out? Dislike. Friends from back home are buying houses with their significant others, yet you're still trying to figure out how to get renter's insurance? Dislike. Teachers are sad because they have to return to work after a 3-MONTH SUMMER VACATION? Dislike just doesn't quite cut it. Someone will have to develop a "Fuck Off" function for that scenario.

What's the first thing, I'm going to Dislike? The relationship status of LF, the former long-distance, online, Jewish love of my life. After a very public and heartfelt plea, she took me back, only to stop communicating with me and become involved with a nice Jewish boy.

I understand we had a few issues, such as living on opposite coasts and not really knowing much about each other, but we had a lot of things in common. We're both very close to The Homewrecker, we're Facebook friends, we graduated from U of M, we like Gossip Girl... What more do you need in a relationship?

Well, I can play her game. I'm going back to my roots. That's the last time I try to cure The Feva.

Note: the Facebook Dislike plugin is experimental. Your friends will need to install the plugin to see the Dislikes. Everyone get it!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Friday I'm in Love

All Friday's are unreal, but this Friday is particularly awesome. It kicks off my favorite weekend of the year -- Halloween & Marathon Weekend.

Amazing costumes + 26.2 miles + (Drinking x 2) = BEST WEEKEND EVER

The Dirty Burrito is dressing up as Pink Taco...the restaurant chain, of course. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Have fun mis amigos! And check out the "Friday I'm in Love" video from The Cure, a fitting band for Halloween -- Robert Smith looks like he's dressed in costume everyday.

The Cure - "Friday I'm in Love"
(Universal Music Group won't let me embed, so check the link to watch the video. The Man just keeps on killing our fun.)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Gleeful TV

I wanted to try out a few new shows this year to add to my lineup of Gossip Girl, Mad Men and Fringe. They're all somewhat intense, so overall I was looking for shows that looked light and humorous. Plus, I was already committed to ditching the nonsensical, sorry excuse for a show that is Heroes, and I've surprisingly weeded most of MTV out of my life, with Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory as the lone exception.

The shows I auditioned included:

Glee (FOX, Wednesday 9/8c)
I really didn't have any expectations for this show because I didn't really know what it was about. I couldn't escape the ads all over the city, so I just decided to watch the first few episodes online last weekend. I ended up watching the first six episodes marathon-style. I'm now suffering from withdrawal. Glee is simply amazing, and one week is much too long of a time between episodes. The story lines are intriguing, the characters are hilarious, there are tons of awesome one-liners, and the musical numbers are fantastic. No offense to Gossip Girl and Chuck Bass, but Glee is my new favorite show. It makes me want to join the glee club. Who knew show choir could be so cool?

FlashForward
(ABC, Thursday 8/7c)
I was a big fan of Joseph Fiennes from his work in Shakespeare in Love, which I thought was an excellent film. I'm sure he did a lot of stuff after that, but I never saw anything. So, I was interested to see his work on this show. So far, the first three episodes have been suspenseful and captivating. Catch up if you want something intense in your life. This show has a lot of promise. And if nothing else, you get to see John Cho in a serious dramatic role...MILF! MILF! MILF! The man has range.

Melrose Place (CW, Tuesday 9/8c)
The posters bombarded me every morning on my walk to the gym, and their raw sexuality was oozing at me. I was curious, but mainly, I needed to see Ashlee Simpson's "acting." I had pretty low expectations because I figured it would be as crappy as the 90210 series remake. I barely got through the first episode. Just horrid. Who the hell thought Ashlee Simpson would be good for this show? The so-called drama wasn't captivating at all. I had zero desire to tune in the next episode to see if there was any chance for the show to redeem itself. It sucked. The end.

Modern Family
(ABC, Wednesday 9/8c)
I saw subway ads showcasing the lineup for ABC's Comedy Wednesday. This show was the only one that intrigued me. I'm glad I checked it because it's very funny. I laugh out loud a lot. It's a great way to push through "It's Only Fucking Wednesday Kill Me" and into the weekend.

How I Met Your Mother (CBS, Monday 8/7c)
I realize this is the 5th season, but I caught two episodes last year and found it enjoyable. I'm committing to it this season. NPH is awesome. I've grown to like Allyson Hannigan a lot; I hated her in American Pie.

Special mention: it's not a TV show, but go see More Than a Game. It's a really good film about the extremely close dynamic of LeBron James and his high school crew. It's not just about basketball; it's a touching story about friendships. I think everyone can relate. There are just some people that click together, and you'll be close friends no matter where life takes you. It certainly reminded me of those people in my life. It also had a great/hilarious soundtrack of hip hop hits from when they played together, beginning in the mid-90s and going through the early 2000s -- Naughty by Nature, early 50 Cent, Mr. Cheeks (admit it--you know the song), Ja Rule ("Murdahhhhh!"), and so much more.

Since there's a lot of music mentioned in today's post, and I haven't done Music Monday in a long time, I'm giving you two videos, courtesy of the cast of Glee, to kickoff your week. The first video is their rendition of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'." After it aired on the first episode, it became the most downloaded track on iTunes. The second video is "Ride Wit Me" by Nelly. The single was officially released in 2001, but it reminds me of the summer of 2000. My girlfriend would play the entire Nelly album, particularly that song, nonstop. It was slightly annoying at the time, but that was one of my favorite summers, so hearing the song brings back some good memories.

Lastly, I added Twitter and Facebook share functionality at the top of the right nav so you can easily spread the word about The Dirty Burrito.



Tuesday, October 13, 2009

XOXO LES

Guess what I'm doing after work today?

Thanks to Chunky Salsa for the heads-up. He found this sign on Houston between Essex and Norfolk. They're filming just two blocks from my apartment!

Hopefully, I'll get to see Blake Lively's ass again, but I'll settle for seeing Chuck Bass. I plan to steal his tie and suspenders.

Monday, October 12, 2009

My First Time

I remember the moment as if it happened yesterday. I was in my bedroom on a sunny, autumn weekday afternoon during my first semester of high school. I was 14, and I wasn't really sure of what I was doing. I fumbled around trying to figure out what I should do next. I was completely lost. I tried recalling the tips my dad had given me, but they wouldn't matter. It was still a completely new experience -- awkward and mind-blowingly awesome at the same time...





I had discovered the Internet, and my, oh my, was she mesmerizing.

In an effort to add some intellectuality to phys ed, the school administration decided we would be required to complete a writing assignment. We had to write a two-page report on one of the following subjects: the pros and cons of Astroturf or the prevention of ankle injuries*. I chose the latter. Once my dad got home from work, I told him he'd have to drive me to the library so I could do some research for a paper I had to write for gym class. Loathing the thought of having to play chauffeur, he said, "Just use the Internet."

"I don't know how to use that."

"Just open Internet Explorer, go to askjeeves.com and type in what you need."

I went to askjeeves.com, which is now ask.com, and was still a little confused. It seems funny in retrospect, but I wasn't completely confident in what I had to do. Ask Jeeves was just a simple search engine, but I had never used one. I assumed I had to ask a question because the site was named "Ask Jeeves," but I wasn't sure if there was a certain way I was required to pose the question. Did I have to include a question mark? Isn't it already implied that what I'm typing will be a question? Would including a question mark skew my results? I actually tried asking my dad how I was supposed to pose the question. He looked at me incredulously and said, "Figure it out. You'll get what you need."

I don't remember exactly what I typed, but it was something along the lines of "How do you prevent ankle injuries?" I can't recall whether I included a question mark, but I do remember my amazement at the multitude of results I received, including a fair share from Geocities. With just a few keystrokes, I could access a plethora of information on any subject. Even what to do for my first time.

*Step 1 in avoiding ankle injuries: don't get hit by NYC cabs. This weekend marked the 1-year anniversary of the infamous hit-and-run incident. I haven't been in a collision since that fateful night, so I'm deeming it a good year.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Boat McGoat

A few years ago, the HGOC and I coined the term "Boat McGoat." We developed it for two reasons:

1) To refer to our friend's water vessel, the same one where Hooters girls told us they were obliviated
2) To pay homage to Ol' Dirty Bastard, who changed his name, yet again, to Dirt McGirt

I casually mentioned "Boat McGoat" in conversation this past summer, and someone laughed and responded, "Totes McGoats." I was very confused, then he reminded me it was from I Love You, Man. At that point, I loathed the movie just a little bit.

I enjoyed I Love You, Man. I thought it was very funny and highly entertaining. Unfortunately, Paul Rudd completely ruined the use of "Boat McGoat" for me and the HGOC. It had always been a running joke -- Food McGood, Car McGar, Shoe McGoo, etc. Now, if we ever mention "Boat McGoat,"people will say "Totes McGoats," immediately followed by "Slap-a da bass mon."

Monday, September 14, 2009

Music Monday Random Thoughts

It was extremely windy on Friday. Anytime it's windy, "She's Like the Wind" by Patrick Swayze starts playing in my head nonstop. "Just a fooooooool to belieeeeeeeve..."

Christopher Cross is the greatest two-hit wonder we'll ever see, even better than Rick Astley. Rick Astley's two hits, "Never Gonna Give You Up" and "Together Forever," sound exactly the same. Christopher Cross's hits, "Sailing" and "Ride Like the Wind," are very different and very awesome.

On Tuesday, all the teachers on Facebook had statuses about how depressing it is to go back to work or "you can do it" messages of encouragement to one another. You just had an entire summer off in the country that has the longest summer vacation in the world. I'm hoping to get out of work by 6pm on Fridays. Go F yourselves.

On Thursday, a lot of people expressed excitement for the start of the NFL season via Faceboook status updates. I was actually more excited for the start of Fashion Week. It's way more fun to celebrate.

I don't get this youth tendency to add extra letters to accentuate a thought. It's stuuuuuupiiiiiid.

Vanity phone numbers are no good to me. My BlackBerry doesn't have the letters on the numbers.

Fame. I will see it. Definitely.

I know the anticipation for the movie is at feverish levels, but I had never heard about Where the Wild Things Are until the trailer was released a few months ago. I have no interest in seeing it. Sorry.

I haven't read or seen Twilight, but New Moon looks pretty awesome. It's like Interview with the Vampire meets Underworld meets Harry Potter.

The MJ tribute to open the VMA's was nasty.

I have issues with the Taylor Swift VMA subway performance.
- It's hot on the subway platform. She should've been sweating while wearing that coat.
- Where are all the other people on the platform?
- Trains aren't filled only with a bunch of young white people. Where are all the homeless? What about the kids who aren't into drugs and not in gangs, but selling M&M's for the class trip to Rome? And what if a Mexican band walked into that car? That would've been awkward.
- It's the g-damn F train. The train would've been stopped by the train operator for service issues like ten times, especially on the weekend.
- It took her a really long time to travel one stop uptown.
- The alarm didn't sound when she opened the emergency door.

Lady Gaga...WTF?!

Alicia Keys has to be one of the most beautiful women in the world.

I'm way too old to watch the VMA's. I had to google Taylor Lautner. Thanks to Andy Samberg and Jimmy Fallon for that amazing flashback to Boyz II Men.

Hope you enjoy the Christopher Cross to kickstart your week. Happy Monday!

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

It's Different for Girls

"I don't wanna wake up 26, alone and single."

That's what some 23-year-old girl told me at 4:30am on her rooftop. Prior to this statement, she informed me that she had just broken up with her boyfriend a few weeks ago. We weren't even talking about relationships before she uttered those words. She just pulled an abrupt change-of-subject. I guess her repressed emo-tastic feelings about her newfound singledom suddenly crept out. Awesome conversation after a phenomenal night.

My response: "Ummm. I'm 26 and single. And so is my friend over there (pointing in the direction of Disco Stu, who went back to the apartment to get some gum). You're young. Everything will be fine. Really."

But she continued. "You don't understand because it's different for girls..." Blah blah blah. I already knew what she was about to say because I've heard the "It's Different for Girls" diatribe from female friends.

Generally, the argument is that girls want to find that "someone" or be in a serious committed relationship by the time they're 30. If children are in future plans, then part of the anxiety relates to the ticking biological clock. Sometimes it comes from cultural and/or family pressure. This particular girl was Korean (The Feva!), so she was talking about some heavy cultural expectations from her family and how she doesn't even like Korean guys (perfect--viva Mexico!).

(At this point, I'm hoping my friend had found the gum because the solo effort to derail this conversation was proving largely unsuccessful, and I needed support. Stat.)

The major source of the single-at-30 angst comes from what I'll call the Wooderson Effect. The most well-known quote from Dazed & Confused is the scene where Wooderson says, "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

This quote goes beyond Wooderson and high school girls. It applies to guys and girls of any age. If you need proof, look no further than Donald Trump or Hugh Hefner. During our internship in California five years ago, the HGOC and I witnessed it repeatedly. We'd go to the Calabasas Commons for lunch and often see 50- to 60-year-old men with beautiful girls in their 20s.

As a guy, I see a lot of promise in the Wooderson Effect and can understand why being single at 30 is a slightly mortifying thought to some girls. But for every Hugh Hefner, there is an Adam Duritz.

I've seen Adam Duritz a few times in the neighborhood. One particular night, I saw him with a very pretty blonde, checking out restaurants around the Lafayette-Great Jones intersection. I was waiting for a friend to pick me up for a futbol game, so I was able to observe them for a good ten minutes. They seemed very comfortable with each other, as if they had been dating for a decent amount of time. I was able to get a good-enough look at the girl to deduce that there was no way she was below 30 or over 40.

This last point surprised me. I expected Adam Duritz to date 20-year-olds until "Mr. Jones" became a golden oldie. He is the frontman lothario of Counting Crows and got Courteney Cox and Jennifer Aniston to break the "I Won't Date My Best Friend's Ex" rule. However, based on what I saw that evening, he preferred the company of someone closer to his age. I'm guessing he already went through that phase in his life and realized, "These girls are hot, but I have nothing in common with them."

I completely understand him. I went on a date with a 19-year-old last year. My guy friends gave me high-fives and nods of approval, while my female friends called me a predator, probably because they were 26, alone and single (JK! JK!). In my defense, I'm going to bring up the Predator Rule -- divide your age by 2 and add 7. Dating someone below this age gets you the creep ticket. I was 25 at the time, so 19.5 was my floor. I'm going to say the girl was 19 and 7 months, so I'm safe.

In any case, the girl was very pretty. She was a sophomore (yup--keep laughing) at FIT, so she had some great style and didn't dress her age. The only problem, besides the fact that she used a fake ID to order her beer, was that her stories ranged from how much more mature she was than her friends (she is an out-of-state student, so she knew how to do laundry and shop for groceries because she couldn't rely on her parents to do that stuff for her), to her internship and major. Cool story, Hansel. I'm actually surprised she didn't ask me whether I prefer beer or hard liquor or debate the pros and cons of getting simultaneously high and drunk.

The disparity in maturity levels is simply a byproduct of the age gap. There are certain things in life you can only experience with age. Sometimes this causes pronounced differences, which can be too difficult to overcome. Some guys, like Hugh Hefner, are more focused on physicality and couldn't care less about this issue. Other guys, like Adam Duritz, care about the whole package and have a hard time looking beyond it.

To my female readers, I don't think you have to worry about the Wooderson Effect. Yes--it's appealing to all guys, but in the end the majority of us will follow the footsteps of Adam Duritz. We're looking for a complete package. None of you are gold-digging attention whores willing to sleep with an 83-year-old just for the money -- at least I don't think any of you are -- so you're prime finds.

Like I told that Korean girl, "You're young. Everything will be fine. Really."

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Welcome Week: Adult Edition

In Monday's post, I expressed how much I miss Welcome Week at the University of Michigan. I miss it so much, I celebrated Welcome Week at NYU with The Booty and Disco Stu on Tuesday night . The evening started in a classy fashion -- enjoying wine and pizza outdoors, people-watching and discussing relationships, grad school and business ideas. Things quickly devolved when Disco Stu asked, "You guys wanna play beer pong?"

We couldn't get our check quickly enough. We basically sprinted to Wicked Willy's and discovered they had a "deal" -- $7 pitchers of Coors Light or Michelob Light. Sweet. Though I suppose it's better than a $7 Amstel Light.

We ordered a couple of pitchers and called next game on one of the tables, which were pretty ridiculous. They were black-lighted and neon. It reminded me of the days when my idea of cool room decor involved blue rope lights and liquor bottles filled with water and highlighter fluid. Also, they had actual slots for the cups. I thought it was brilliant functional design. It's a huge help when shitfaced college students, or 26-year-olds, can barely make out a triangle. The only drawback was that each slot essentially turned into a mini pool of spilled beer. It grossed me out a bit to think that we stacked cups and drank from them. Oh well. College!

We managed only two games of beer pong. We won our first game with ease, but played catch-up the entire second game. That second game was super annoying because our opponent, a broheim with a Jonas Brothers haircut, kept trying to institute his personal house rules. I repeatedly shot him down. We're at Wicked Willy's, and we're going to follow the bar rules and chill the F out. These children need to be more mature.

After beer pong, we bought more pitchers and and participated in karaoke night. I love karaoke, but I've never sang in front of a crowd. I always get private rooms in K-town or East Village karaoke bars with friends, and we sake bomb and sing for 2-3 hours. It's a great time.

To pop my public karaoke cherry, I picked "Gin & Juice" by the capital S, oh yes, the fresh N double O P D O double G Y D O double G ya see. I thought it was a great idea when I picked the song, but 20 minutes later when it was actually my turn, I suddenly became very aware that there were a lot of black people hanging around the karaoke area. Now my palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy. I'm nervous, but on the outside I'm calm and ready. And wasted. 3-2-1...

"With so much drama in the L-B-C..."

The 4 minutes just flew. I fell behind on a couple of verses, but I got some backup from Disco Stu and the crowd. Overall, it went well.

After that, we continued to drink even more heavily. More pitchers, and maybe even a shot. I can't be certain. What I do know is that we turned the karaoke area into a dance party. I just hope nobody had a video camera.

I woke up at 10am on my futon in my underwear and socks. Yup, I was too drunk to take off my socks. My jeans and shoes were strewn across the floor, but I did manage to throw my shirt into the laundry basket. I had a pounding headache and a 10:30 meeting. I suffered all day at work, but it was totally worth it...

College chicks! As if I wasn't going to mention the best part. Yeah bro!

Monday, August 31, 2009

Welcome Week

I experience phases where I'm happy I've graduated from college and am building a career. But I also experience phases where I wish that my hardest task is determining whether to attend my Friday 8:30am ECON102 lecture in the MLB, possibly still drunk from the previous night's shark bowls at Rick's.

At the moment I'm experiencing the latter, and it might have something to do with the weather. NYC just completed its annual two-week spell of extreme humidity, and the cooler temperatures are hinting at a fantastic autumn. The overall atmosphere reminds me of Welcome Week, a magical time free of responsibilities where the only problem is determining the party or bar to hit each night.

Reuniting with roommates and friends, blowing $500 at Ulrich's on textbooks you'll never read, the collective anticipation for the upcoming football season and its pre-games, crossing your fingers that the moving truck next door is bringing some hot new neighbors, 2:30am munchies at Bell's or Big Ten Burrito, Meijer runs to stock up on booze and charging it to the parents' credit card as "groceries," wondering if this will be the year you finally kiss someone under the West Hall arch and scoping out the new crop of freshmen. Such an exciting time filled with so much promise.

Welcome Week, I miss you. So much.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Dirty Dancing

After a year of saying I'd do it, I finally attended my first hip hop class. I went to an intro session last night with The Rainmaker, and the lesson was popping. The class began in a promising manner. We started stretching with some shoulder isolations, which I could actually do. And that was pretty much all I could do. Popping drills followed stretching, but I'm not certain I actually performed them correctly. The class finished with some choreography.

I now have immense respect for dancers. Dancing is extremely technical and requires a ton of skill and coordination. If the instructor wasn't in front of me, I couldn't perform the choreography. Actually, even when the instructor was in front of me, I still couldn't perform the choreography. I'm a disgrace to my people. (This is in addition to my mathematical ineptitude and poor karaoke skills.)

Since I'm rhythm-deficient, I wanted to compensate by wearing some fly threads (I think that is the official terminology). I asked around, but no one was able to define proper hip hop attire. I resorted to Google and was taken to a site that listed top hip hop brands, such as Pepe Jeans, Phat Farm, Pelle Pelle, Akademiks, Kangol, Enyce, Girbaud, etc. If you know me at all, you know I don't have such clothing. I ended up wearing Nike soccer shorts, adidas Italia shoes and my Detroit Project t-shirt that I picked up during Festifall. The only thing fly about the entire outfit was the fact that I had "Detroit" on the front of my shirt, but that's questionable at best.

Even though I wasn't very good and lacked the proper attire, it was still a lot of fun. I actually continued practicing the moves back at my apartment. I'm considering getting the 10-class special so I can continue my hip hop education. I'd like to get to a point where I can do flares, coin drops, tutting and waving. Let me know if you want to join. Perhaps we could even start our own street crew and perform at the South Street Seaport or Union Square.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Asian Tiger

Because Y.E. Yang smoked Tiger Woods at the PGA Championship, the sports world is going crazy about Asian golfers making the leap. Newsflash: Tiger Woods is half-Asian. If you're calling him black, you have to call him Asian. Following this sound logic, the leap has already been made.

Y.E. Yang simply represents a different type of Asian, the FOB. But I don't think it matters. Whether you were born in Korea or Southern California, if you have Asian blood, then you're Asian. So, Asians have been dominating golf for over a decade.

Shoutout to Chunky Salsa for getting me started on today's post.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Generation Next

I've been watching Countdown with Keith Olbermann lately, and he's not bad. Yes, I realize I'm late to the game. My bad. I spent most of my 20s watching Laguna Beach, The O.C. and Gossip Girl.

It dawned on me that there is a whole generation of kids who don't know the greatness that was Keith Olbermann and his tag team partner, Dan Patrick. They probably only know Keith from MSNBC and his feuds with Bill O'Reilly, and they probably only know Dan from his crappy columns in Sports Illustrated.

I started wondering about other people who have been in the public eye for so long, they're viewed differently by separate generations. Here's my list. Let me know your additions.

Marc Summers
My generation: Double Dare
Crazy kids: Unwrapped

Jenna Jameson
My generation: Greatest porn star in the world
Crazy kids: Victim of the porn industry

Mario Lopez
My generation: A.C. Slater
Crazy kids: World's most awesome ABDC host

Adam Sandler
My generation: The price is wrong, bitch.
Crazy kids: Zohan...

Green Day
My generation: Longview
Crazy kids: Whatever crappy song they release next

Katie Holmes
My generation: Joey Potter
Crazy kids: Tom Cruise's puppet

Larry King
My generation: What if this old guy dies on live TV?
Crazy kids: What if this old guy dies on live TV?

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Real World Sucks

Did you know there was a new season of The Real World? I just found out last week, and it's taking place in Cancun. I caught about ten minutes of last week's episode. For the first time in my life, I felt old watching that show. And for the first time, I had a strong hatred for it.

The entire cast seemed like little kids. They're only 4-5 years younger, but they just came off as babies. I saw one girl who keeps cuddling and flirting with guys. Then, the next second it's a preview for next week's episode where her long-distance boyfriend comes to visit, and she's doing a voice-over saying that the thought of him is the only thing keeping her sane in this crazy household. Uggghhh...you're life is sooooo hard. So much drama. Screw you.

What the hell is real about working for StudentCity? They get wasted and hook up with randoms when they're not working, and when it's time to work they're too drunk so they just skip their shifts. It's not like they're getting fired. StudentCity probably paid some sort of fee to be able to employ them. They probably sponsored their random mid-season trip too. Please tell me about a job or life situation where someone just says to you one day, "Hey! You get to go on an amazing trip to an exotic destination, and all expenses are paid."

My friends and I are wasting away at our desks all day at jobs we hate. The only reason we do it is because we need to pay our ridiculous rents and fund our drinking, which is actually driven by our horrid jobs, and MTV is telling me this show is the real world? Change the g-damn name of the show!

Happy Monday!

Thursday, August 06, 2009

ABDC 4

Shane, Lil' Mama, JC and Albert Clifford are back on Sunday and bringing it hard! You'll get to hear Shane rip it, Lil' Mama speak incoherently and JC bitch about choreography. After coming back from a commercial break, Mario will give a shout out to DJ Rashida "on the ones and twos," though I doubt he even knows what that means. Layla Kayleigh will bring her slamming body and mediocre face backstage for some in-depth interviews. But the moment I'm really looking forward to is when Randy Jackson says "Randy Jackson presents America's Best Dance Crew dawg."

Four predictions for the 4th season:
- We'll get a crappy all-girl cheerleading crew
- This year's gimmicky crew will be cloggers who skate
- An Asian crew will be fighting to earn their parents' respect
- Asians will win

Tune in on Sunday at 9pm. I'll be watching and ready to text a number to 22444 to vote for my favorite crew.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Bow Mowing

OP: Have you heard of this...b.o.m.o.ing? Pronounced bow mowing.
TDB: Not at all.
OP: Neither had I. Black Out Make Out...as in, "Man I was so blacked out last night, I totally was bow mowing all over the bar."

Amazing. Thank you, OP, for this highly informative language lesson.

Obviously I just heard this term, but Urban Dictionary dates the first appearance back to July 2006. Has anyone ever heard this before?

I won't be using this phrase to describe myself. I'm nearly 26-years-old. I hope I'm not bow mowing around Manhattan like an undergrad at Rick's on a Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday night (possibly Tuesday as well, depending on the weather and my monetary situation).

Monday, July 27, 2009

10-Course Al Fresco

As part of my ongoing quest to eat everything in the world before I die, I attended a 10-course dinner thrown by Studiofeast on Saturday night with my friend, Brando . Studiofeast is a supper club started by Brando's brother, Mike. One of Mike's former bosses graciously hosted the dinner on the patio of his beautiful East Village apartment.

The theme for the night was "Al Fresco." The menu with links to pictures are below, or you can check out the full album. Time-lapse video of the prep is here.

Amuse: Konbujime Fluke/Yuzu Kosho/Brown Butter/Tobiko
Soup: Chilled Tomato Consomme/Parmigiano-Reggiano Oil
Appetizer: Beet Carpaccio/Cypress Grove Chevre Humboldt Fog/Walnut/Mint
Salad: Grilled Romaine Heart/Pecorino Romano/Turkish Sun-dried Tomato
Fish: Whole Grilled Sardine/Parsley Salad/Capers
Pasta: Handmade Squid Ink Pasta/Rock Shrimp/Handmade Italian Sausage/Tomato
Sorbet: Raspberry Watermelon/Lemon Zest/Almond Crunch
Beef: Triple-cut Skirt Steak/Crispy Chicken Skin/Kimchee Puree/Grilled Scallion/Truffle Salt
Lamb: 24-hour Lamb Belly/Tzatziki/Candied Pistachio
Dessert: Blueberry Buckle/Vanilla Mascarpone

Every dish was amazing, but the hit of the night was definitely the lamb belly. The meat was so tender and juicy, and the accompanying pistachios, candied using sugar, mint and saffron, were otherworldly. We were fighting for the scraps of an extra serving.

A huge, huge "thank you" goes out to the Studiofeast chefs: Mike and Derrick. The dinner they prepared ranks among the best meals I've ever had.

Friday, July 24, 2009

America's Best Wedding Party

The HGOC and I have an ongoing joke about my future wedding: Toto's "Africa" will be my wedding song. We talk about this (click that link if you want a sample discussion and more background) whenever the subject of marriage/weddings comes up, or if we just happen to be talking about Toto (seriously...we've been known to discuss the merits of "Africa" vs. "Rosanna"). I'd give this scenario about a 90% chance of actually happening. It takes a really amazing girl to allow her first dance to be to that song.

Last night, he sent the following Email with a link to the video below:

"this might have your toto africa beat-"



Unreal. That wedding party just killed it. So many thoughts ran through my head:

- Did this occur after Chris Brown destroyed Rihanna's face? If so, did anyone have a problem with playing the music of a person who has uncontrollable rage against women? I wouldn't have cared; the song is awesome. It was on America's Best Dance Crew in each of the past two seasons.
- Some of those white boys need to start a crew and audition for ABDC!
- That church has a decent sound system.
- A female reverend? It must be one of those fake religions. Just kidding!
- I need to know whether they were drunk, high or sober when they conceived of this idea.
- Poor wardrobe, sweet moves.
- Who choreographed, and how much much did they rehearse?
- I wonder what the reception was like.
- Did any of them have to drink heavily before the ceremony in order to get up the nerve to do that?
- The slow motion by the altar was crazy!

I called the HGOC immediately after viewing the video to discuss. We were both pretty much speechless about the performance, and we were discussing how we could recreate that at his wedding. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of sick dancers in our crew, so it may be tough.

While we were on the phone, the conversation turned toward marriage and the type of girl he could love:

(To better understand the following conversation, read this)
HGOC: I'm glad you made me do the Michele thing. Now, I really know what I want in a girl.
TDB: That's awesome. I'm glad to hear that. Do you miss her?
HGOC: I miss her, man. I really do.
TDB: So do any songs make you think of her now?
HGOC: Actually, yeah. There's one song...fuck! I can't even think of it now. I swear there is though. Love songs do have meaning to me. I wasn't in love, but I understand how people feel now.

I feel so proud.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Beautiful Soul, Ugly Spokesmodel

I received an Email from Express yesterday morning with the subject line, "Jesse McCartney for Express & The MK2 Debut." I opened it to find the awesome picture above, along with the words "Strength," "Valor" and "Style." C'mon Express!

I was under the impression that a celebrity spokesmodel should ultimately help your sales. Strategically, he should be able to motivate me to take action and buy a product. I can only speak for myself, but Jesse McCartney isn't really the type of male celebrity that gets me buying shirts. "Beautiful Soul" and Summerland. I'm just saying...

Now, you could make the argument that Express is looking to target "influencers," people who help influence the purchase decision. In this case I imagine the "influencers" are girlfriends. But are there really any females that think, "Jesse McCartney looks hot. I want my boyfriend to get that shirt so he looks hot like Jesse McCartney"? Look at that picture -- he looks like a taller Frankie Muniz. (Gentlemen--if you date a lady who wants you to look like Jesse McCartney, I advise you to check her driver's license to make sure she really is 18.)

Express would've been better served by going after someone like Robert Pattinson. I didn't really used to think anything of him, but he has made women of our era say, "I want to be with a vampire." I've heard multiple women utter this phrase in one form or another. I just saw a Facebook status that said, "OMG. Edward Cullen. Stop dazzling me."

I think he has some sort of magical force working for him. It has the potential to make guys think, "This will help me be more like a vampire." Girls may say, "I'm going to buy this shirt for my boyfriend because he'll be more like a vampire." It works. Fix your mistake, Express. Get the vampire, sell some shirts.

Monday, July 20, 2009

The Departed

I left for 23 days, and a bunch of famous people started passing away:

Billy Mays - June 28
Steve McNair - July 4
Robert McNamara - July 6
Dumbledore - July 15
Walter Cronkite - July 17

This doesn't even take into account Michael Jackson, who missed the list by a day.

Though not a celebrity, a special mention goes to my motivation, which suffered a slow and painful death over the last three weeks. Today is my first day back at work. I'm so screwed.

Friday, July 17, 2009

The Kilo Watch Finale

The final result: 77.6 kg (171 lbs). In three weeks, I gained approximately 3.6 kg or 7 lbs. I feel like a cow. Fortunately for my body but unfortunately for my taste buds, I am returning to my NYC diet, so I should lose the weight within a couple weeks.

Many thanks to all of my relatives and old friends from The Agency for hosting me and showing me another fantastic time. There was always plenty of great laughs, food and, most importantly, drinks.

I'll post some pics on Facebook and dotPhoto, so be sure to check them in the next week or so if you're interested in seeing how bloated my face got. Honestly I feel like the fat, high school version of Ryan Reynolds' character from Just Friends.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Philippines Randomness

I was supposed to go to a photo shoot featuring three Brazilian models on Saturday. The models were running late so the shoot was pushed back a bit. Unfortunately, I had a family reunion that same afternoon. The new shoot time overlapped with the reunion, and there was no way I could skip it. My afternoon went from photographing hot Brazilian models to hanging out with 50 or more extended-family members. I love my family, but WORST CONFLICT EVER.

At this same family reunion, there was a massive group prayer prior to eating. While we were in the middle of giving thanks to the Lord for all the fine food we were about to devour, at least three people, including my grandmother and aunt, started taking pictures of us in prayer. Asians will take pictures of anything!

I went to mass on Sunday morning with my grandmother and aunt. The service started with a woman announcing the proper attire for church. This is a very rough quote, but she basically said, "You should dress up for church because you are in the Lord's presence. Men should not wear t-shirts, short or sandals." My aunt looked at my outfit -- a t-shirt, shorts and sandals -- and shook her head and laughed.

The church announcer continued, "Women should not wear sleeveless or low-cut tops, spaghetti straps or shorts." She scanned her own outfit, a v-neck tank top and shorts, and says to me, "I'm not giving them money today." Word.

Following the sartorial lecture, the announcer actually starts talking about religious matters and says, "The church has been missionary by nature."I giggled in my head. I probably shouldn't go to church anymore.

My 8-year-old cousin and I were discussing doing the Pose Challenge for asianposes.com, and he said, "You don't look Asian." His 10-year-old brother and my uncle laughed hysterically in agreement. My own family...

My roommate, Old Guy, saw some cookies online called Filipinos and told me to bring some back. After a couple weeks of fruitless searching, I found some in my grandmother's fridge. She told me they're actually Spanish cookies she brought back from her recent trip to Spain, and you can't get them in the Philippines. As I was destroying the milk chocolate package, she urged me to try the white chocolate package. I said, "No, thanks. I'm kinda full, and I don't really like white." My mother was passing by and goes, "Yeah...he doesn't like white," and snickered as she walked into her room. Never should've written the post on The Feva.

My dad met up with an old college futbol teammate on Sunday night. They hadn't seen each other in over 25 years, but reconnected via the magic of Facebook. I learned the following things:
1) They had a teammate who like to drink honey with ground up marijuana before games. This helped him play out of his mind...literally and figuratively. Personally, I'd take the marijuana-honey guy over my two teammates who listened to Dashboard Confessional in the parking lot before games.
2) My dad attended De La Salle. Their most hated rival is Ateneo. Both schools also had high schools and elementary schools. The old futbol teammate didn't attend either of them, so he didn't really understand the gravity of the rivalry. My dad was a student of De La Salle his entire life. The old futbol teammate told the following story about the exact moment my dad helped him realize how deep the hatred runs:
Tom and I were just sitting on a bench before the game. As the Ateneo bus pulled up in front of us, out of nowhere Tom just grabbed the nearest Coke bottle, smashed it, started pointing it at the Ateneo bus and challenged the entire team to fight.
This is the same man who once tried to teach me the difference about being confident and being cocky.
3) They used to call my dad "Richard Gere." Ummm...HAHAHAHAHAHA!

My current weight is 77.1 kg (170 lbs). I'm back to my high school weight, and I don't feel so awesome. I'll be in Hong Kong the next four days, so this probably won't get any better.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

The Kilo Watch 4

While many of you were celebrating America's independence, I was celebrating my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. To honor this milestone in commitment, my mom's entire side of the family went to Panglao in the province of Bohol. It was probably one of the most beautiful and relaxing places I've ever visited. We also drank a lot.

Even though I'd like to share all the hilarious drunken stories, I'll simply relay my favorite. We arrived at about 10am on Friday, and by 10:30am we were lounging on the beach drinking beers while my little cousins played in the water. By 12:30pm, we were either seriously buzzed or fairly drunk and were ready to eat lunch, though I think we just had major beer munchies.

We patronized the restaurant next to our resort, and the alcohol didn't stop flowing. More beers and cocktails were ordered, which is perfectly normal. However, my cousin ordered a Jaeger bomb for his drink. Yup. You read that correctly. He ordered a g-damn Jaeger bomb for his drink to go with his lunch. Unless you're on college spring break, that is far from normal.

This restaurant had one of those old-timey-looking tin signs: "Beer. Helping ugly people have sex since 1862." I initially didn't really care about the sign because I'd seen dozens of them in college. My mom, however, found this to be rather funny and felt the need to point it out to me. At that point I had a "eureka" moment. I got really excited and grabbed my 8-year-old cousin, a beer and the closest bar stool. For a moment, my family was looking at me in a confused manner. They all smiled with their assent and got their cameras ready when they realized what I was doing -- taking a picture of my 8-year-old cousin in front of the sign with a beer.

I have to give major credit to the little guy. He was a natural. I lifted him onto the bar stool and gave him the beer, and he just started posing for the cameras without any direction. For some reason, he already knew what drunkface looked like, so he started with that pose. Next, he gave us Magnum. Lastly, he showed us the euphoria that comes with realizing that beer is going to help him have sex. It was hilarious. Check out the shots in the collage above.

For those intrested in my weight, I was 74.9 kg (165.1 lbs) when I returned.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

The Kilo Watch 3

I just got back from Palawan. It was more of a relaxed, secluded locale but still lots of fun. Aside from beaching it, I went kayaking and snorkeling in the South China Sea.

The water was nice and calm. I spent half of the snorkeling excursion avoiding jellyfish because they're in-season, but it was worth it because I saw all kinds of cool fish and stuck my hand inside a giant clam. The thing was enormous and actually "chomped" on my hand, though if you wanted, you easily could have fit an entire 10-year-old child in one. I had to dive down 30 feet, and it felt a bit gross and slimy, but it was cool nonetheless.

Let's get to my eats and my weight. I actually kept track of all the food I ate, but I'm not going to bore you with each item I had with every meal. It was tedious to document, so I imagine it'll probably be tedious to read. Rather than bore you with specifics, I'll just give you a high-level rundown.

For the main courses, I ate tons of garlic rice, grilled seafood (mostly squid stuffed with diced tomatoes and onions and multiple varieties of fish), grilled chicken and lots of grilled or fried pork belly. For dessert, I ate an array of purple yam, coconut and rice-based sweets, flans and ice cream. You can view the rest of the dishes at the Food Log album.

As for my weight, it actually dropped from my last post. I'm at 74.2 kg (163.6 lbs). It's a surprising result, considering I ate the entire time I was in Palawan and my only exercise was the kayaking and snorkeling.

I going on another trip from July 3-5, but this time to Bohol. I'll give you another update when I get back.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Kilo Watch 2

As I expected, I was treated to a feast at my uncle's house. The lineup:

- Grilled whole fish stuffed with onions and tomatoes
- Pork barbecue on skewers
- Steamed whole crab
- Rice
- Turon (banana wrapped in a spring roll wrapper, dipped in brown sugar, then fried)
- Mango icebox cake (basically a pie with mangoes and whipped cream on a buttery, sugary graham cracker crust)
- Hello Panda (HELL YES!)

The weight: 74.6 kg (164.5 lbs). Not bad at all.

I'm off to the beach until Wednesday, so check out the food photo album until I return.

The Kilo Watch 1

I just completed a 15 hour flight from JFK and am currently in Hong Kong waiting for my connecting flight. I've only been on a plane and in the Hong Kong International Airport, and I already know I don't want to go back to the states. I'm going to be miserable in three weeks.

I'm flying Cathay Pacific for the first time, and I'm extremely impressed. I'll never be able to fly another airline and be satisfied. The space in coach is amazing, and the in-flight entertainment is fantastic. I watched Gran Torino (great/hilarious), The Wrestler (interesting/Marisa Tomei still got it), He's Just Not That Into You (enjoyable) and Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-li (horrendous movie/Chris Klein convinced me that he's the worst actor ever/Kristin Kreuk and Moon Bloodgood are hottt). I also made a playlist from the enormous selection of music. I included everyone from Billy Joel to Ne-yo. I love falling asleep to music, so it was a huge help.

Anyway, to the food. The eating already started on the plane, and Cathay Pacific actually provides sizeable meals. I obviously don't have access to a scale, but here's the damage through the first flight:

Brunch
- Fresh fruit salad
- Fruit yogurt
- Frittata with creamed spinach, bacon and red skin potatoes (I wanted the braised pork with spicy sauce, steamed rice and mixed veggies, but obviously all the Asians snatched up every serving just before the food cart got to me.
- Banana muffin

Snack
- Nature Valley Chewy Trail Mix (Fruit & Nut flavor)
- Apple (even the Chinese know it keeps the doctor away)

Lunch
- Smoked salmon with potato salad
- Tai Chin chicken with steamed rice and mixed vegetables (I got the rice this time, suckas!)
- Caramel cheesecake
- Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies

I'm landing in Manila in about 3 hours. I'll probably be served in-flight dinner, and I'll feast when I get to my uncle's house. There might be an update later.

NOTE: In case you're wondering, I'm 12 hours ahead of you.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Going Home

Tomorrow, I embark on an 18-hour journey to my native land. I'll be gone for three weeks. Half of my time will be spent with my relatives in the Metro Manila area. The other half also will be spent with my relatives, but in the following locations:

June 28-July 1: Palawan
July 3-5: Bohol
July 13-16: Hong Kong

Needless to say, I'm ecstatic for my return home -- even more ecstatic than Russell from Up. The plan is to lounge around, eat a lot of food, lie in the sun, get super dark, eat more food, shop...and eat again. I expect to have rice with pretty much every meal, eat tons of fried Filipino food, bankrupt my grandmother's restaurant, down all kinds of awesome desserts, and I probably will have very little exercise. I won't be surprised if I add ten pounds on this trip.

While I'm gone, you won't get any posts from me because my country doesn't have the Internets. Just kidding. I'm very interested in the amount of weight I could potentially gain during this trip, so The Dirty Burrito is going to run The Kilo Watch, an ongoing status of my weight and the food I consume.

For the next three weeks, I'll post my weight as often as possible, and I'll try to keep a log of everything I eat. I might even start a photo album of the food. My people use the metric system, but I'll also post the pounds for the people stateside. I don't have a scale at my apartment, so we'll have to go with my weight at the gym this morning. The starting point is 74 kg (164 lbs). This should be interesting.

Hopefully, I actually return in three weeks. I might try to find an excuse to stay there permanently. The most logical option would be to try to finagle another stint at The Agency from my uncle. If that doesn't work, I'm open to marriage. No matter what happens, I will miss you all.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Taste of the East Village

I spent Sunday afternoon with my friends exploring the eclectic cuisine of the East Village. We weren't attempting to recreate the gluttony of the Taste of Ann Arbor; we were more interested in sampling the unique flavors of the neighborhood.

We selected smaller, cheaper places and partnered up to ease the pain on our stomachs and wallets. Our parents taught us proper manners, so we shared everything. This is why I've listed so many items -- I didn't actually eat four entire sausages and six scoops of ice cream. Here is how the food tour went down:


Otafuku
236 East 9th Street
What I Tasted
- Takoyaki: deep-fried balls of dough filled with chopped octopus, ginger and scallions, and topped with okonomiyaki sauce, mayonnaise, seaweed flakes and fish flakes
- Okonomiyaki: fried savory pancake filled with cabbage, squid (you can also get pork, beef or shrimp) and a couple different types of shredded vegetables, and topped with okonomiyaki sauce, mayonnaise, seaweed flakes and fish flakes

The flavor was great, and the octopus and squid were cooked perfectly and were of excellent quality. The only thing I'd do differently is lessen the amount of the okonomiyaki sauce and mayonaisse. This easily was the most filling meal.

Wechsler's Currywurst & Bratwurst
120 First Avenue
What I Tasted
- Wild boar sausage
- Sauerkraut
- Currywurst & fries
- Chicken apricot sausage

The wild boar and chicken apricot were juicy and flavorful and didn't even need the spicy dijon served on the side. The sauerkraut, as is to be expected from an authentic German wurst haus, was fantastic. I'm only used to curry from Indian and Japanese food, but the homemade curry sauce smothering the bratwurst was a pleasant surprise. Also, this place has an excellent selection of beers for about $6 each.

Seoul Station
81 St. Mark's Place
What I Tasted
- Spicy pork Korean tacos

The taco was my favorite dish from the entire afternoon. The tortilla was somewhat crisp, but still foldable. The spicy pork was intense. It had just the right level of spice -- hot enough for a decent kick, but not so hot that my mouth was burning. And it was only $2.50 for a single taco. You could easily make a satisfying meal with two of them. Also, I saw Spicy Squid over Rice on the menu. The opportunity to try that dish is worth a return trip.

Crif Dogs
113 St. Mark's Place
What I Tasted
- Tsunami: a bacon-wrapped house dog with teriyaki, pineapple and green onions
- Cheese fries

Once again, Crif Dogs serves up a winning bacon-wrapped hot dog. I usually go for the Spicy Redneck but my eating partner, E-Dawg, was visiting from LA, so I let him choose our fare. My only stipulation was that he stay away from the Philly Tubesteak. Not to take anything away from the bacon, but the Tsunami further supported my belief that pineapple makes everything better.

Australian Homemade
115 St. Mark's Place
What I Tasted
- Peanutbutter
- Strawberry cheesecake
- Banana caramel chip
- Macadamia crunch
- Rum raisin
- Belgian chocolate

It was all awesome! I have a major sweet tooth, so your ice cream must suck immensely if it disappoints me. I listed the flavors above in order of what I liked best.

Ten Degrees
121 St. Mark's Place
What I Tasted
- Rose sangria
- Red sangria

Ten Degrees is a fun wine bar. They had a 2-for-1 happy hour special until 8pm, so nine of us shared four carafes of sangria for a very agreeable $99, which included tax and tip. I would stay away from the rose sangria and stick to the red. There is an excellent couch area situated right by the sidewalk, so it's also great for enjoying the weather and people-watching. With such a great atmosphere and an amazing drink deal, Ten Degrees is a nice alternative to any all-you-can-drink brunch spot. (I realize this was not technically a restaurant, but we ate the liquor-soaked fruit from the sangria. I think that counts as food.)

Poco
33 Avenue B
What I Tasted
- Lobster mac-n-cheese
- Crispy pork belly with navel orange slices & pickled ginger

At this point, the group had splintered and only four of us remained. The cheese in the lobster mac-n-cheese was a bit runny but took nothing away from the superb taste of the manchego & lobster. The pork belly was melt-in-your-mouth perfect. The combination of flavors was exceptional.

El Castillo de Jagua
113 Rivington Street
What I Tasted
- Pineapple tres leches
- Guava tres leches

Situated next door to the Hotel on Rivington, this hole-in-the-wall Dominican spot serves the best tres leches I've tasted in the city. The pineapple and guava provide mere hints of flavor, so they don't overpower the dessert. And at $3 for a fairly large slice, it's quite a deal. (I know this is no longer East Village, but we wanted tres leches dammit.)

The total damage for the afternoon was only $55, an outstanding price for six restaurants, an ice cream shop and a wine bar. Thanks to all of my friends who participated in this food crawl. We'll do it again later this summer with a Taste of Nolita.

Friday, June 19, 2009

I Want You Back

To be honest, I almost didn't post yesterday's entry. You may have noticed that I never write about dating or any dealings with the fairer sex. Telling the world about my preferences in females was a fairly large step for me.

In any case, yesterday's post was pretty popular and well-received...except with one person -- the Jewish love of my life, LF. We were introduced all because of the magic of Facebook. I was looking through The Homewrecker's Facebook pictures one afternoon and noticed a few that featured her very pretty friend. I immediately sent The Homewrecker a message asking, "Why the hell didn't we hang out with this girl?!"

Because she was in Chicago the weekend I was visiting LA. This just makes my hatred of Chicago that much greater.

Long story short, The Homewrecker discovered we had a lot in common and got the two of us communicating digitally and through mobile devices. When I visited LA again this past March, we finally met. There was an instant connection, and it was magical.

That kind of chemistry is extremely rare, but when you find it, amazing happens. I rank it with Brangelina, Jordan-Pippen, Zack & Kelly, DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince, Ike & Tina (if they never met, we never would've gotten "What's Love Got To Do With It), Ross & Rachel, Chuck & Blair, Dan & Serena -- the list could go on forever.

Unfortunately, she lives in LA, and I live in NYC, and neither of us will ever leave our beloved cities. So, we may be destined to be star-crossed lovers...but without all the Shakespearean suicidal tendencies.

Anyway, LF read yesterday's post. And the outcome was not good. She threatened to dump me. This is not ideal. My pleas for forgiveness, even offering to serenade her with "On Bended Knee", fell on deaf ears.

So this is it. My last-ditch effort. Don't leave me. Don't be angry. Just know that when we're together, you're able to cure me of The Feva. You make me better. You even inspired me to post my fourth entry this week. I've never posted more than three times in a week. Ever. You're pushing me to new heights.

And to show you how much I care, this special song from my favorite band of all time is dedicated to you: