Thursday, December 04, 2008

Emergency Services

Yesterday, HR made us fill out benefit enrollment and personal information forms. I came to the part where I had to indicate my emergency contact. After mentally processing my viable options, I settled on my friend Schwalms.

I find her to be quite responsible and should I ever happen to be in an emergency situation at work (e.g., getting speared by the 5-bar during an intense game of foosball*), I know she’ll get the job done. Plus, she’s always holding hands with her boyfriend, who also happens to be a solid and trustworthy individual, so it’s like having two emergency contacts.

Schwalms was very accepting of this immensely important responsibility, and, in an act indicative of why I chose her, she requested the information of my family in case she’d ever have to contact them. I gave her their info and told her to friend them—we are a Facebook family.

This wouldn’t have been much of an event except for the posting my mother wrote on her wall. To give you context, here is the message that Schwalms sent to my mother as part of her friend request:

(Note: Real names have been replaced)

"Hello!!! I'm The Dirty Burrito’s friend Schwalms - I'm also his emergency contact at work in case he's hit by a NYC cab driver**. Thought it would be good to have a few Burritos’ contacts under my belt =) Hope you are enjoying the holiday season! Come visit with the fam!"

And here is my mother’s response:

“well hello Schwalms. it's good to know that The Dirty Burrito has an angel watching over him whenever he's wasted, thank you. he's a good kid, he just has too much fun sometimes. i'm glad that he is surrounded by caring friends like you. i hope you have a happy and peaceful holiday. take care.”

Yes, she called me out for being wasted—a resounding endorsement from my mother. It seems like she can’t accept the fact that I like to party. I’ve been like this since high school. She knows I have too much fun, not just sometimes, but all the time. And it’s from her side of the family where I inherited my thirst for a good drink, so she really shouldn’t be too surprised.

* There are two foosball tables at work, and I try to play at least twice a day.
** For those of you who are unaware, I was the victim of a hit-and-run by a NYC cab about two months ago.


  1. ^^ Shwalms to the rescue!

  2. I wish I had a Shwalms. I mistakenly put my brother as an emergency contact. In the event of an catastrophic indecent I trust him less than the retarded kid I keep caged up in my basement.

    Emergency Contact: ___Morgue____

  3. the non alcoholic uncle12/05/2008 4:21 AM

    party all the time.. leave no traces though. you should always be flexible.. in such a way that when a NYC cab passes by you either avoid it well or your body adjusts to the bumper.

  4. hahahaha!
    i get the same endorsement.

    runs in the family, yes? haha!

  5. you may party a lot, but at least your eye didn't explode. Your mother should be proud.