Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Dirty Jerz

I saw the Girl Talk concert this past Friday night at Harrah’s in Atlantic City. If Girl Talk ever comes to your city, go see him. I’ve never been to a DJ concert before, and it was phenomenal.

The venue was really cool—the show was held at the indoor pool. However, the crowd wasn’t what we were expecting. To be honest, we thought there would be a huge Asian turnout. Asians like these types of things. We figured going to a DJ concert would be like going to see drifting or singing at a karaoke bar in Koreatown. Instead, the crowd consisted mostly of white Jersey trash. It was a huge let down, but the music made up for it.

Prior to going to Atlantic City, I was warned that I would have to lower my expectations for everything, mainly because it’s Jersey. A quote from my boss sums up the general attitude toward Atlantic City and Jersey. I told him I was hopping on the Atlantic City bus for a concert, and he said, “Ooooh. That’s a bad idea. Try and get out of that. The crowd on the Atlantic City bus consists of the most decrepit lowlifes you’ll ever meet. It’s terrible.”

And the guy was born and raised in Jersey. Yikes.

After that ringing endorsement, the bus ride there actually wasn’t all that bad. What was bad was walking into the casino. The crowd was super depressing. Let’s just say if I ever reach a point in my life where I start taking dates to the casino, I’d like you to shoot me.

I know it sounds snobby, but this is not a judgment against people who go to casinos. I actually know a lot of people who go to casinos, and they’re absolutely fine. But the people I saw last night…I don’t even know what to say. It was such a downer.

Also, rolling into Atlantic City isn’t exactly like rolling into Vegas. I remember driving into Vegas for the first time during a cross-country drive with the HGOC during the summer of 2004. It was a glorious sight. You could feel the energy of the city. We even felt compelled to yell “Vegas baby! Vegas!”

When you come upon Atlantic City, you just see a bunch of unexciting, bland buildings and the name “Trump” all over the place. Not exactly what gets me excited.

The ride home was slightly more interesting. We almost got into a fight with a black woman. She cut in line to get on a bus that tons of people were trying to board. It was 3:30 in the morning, and we were decently intoxicated, so we passively gave her crap by continuously telling the bus driver and crowd that she cut in line.

All of a sudden, she got in a shouting match with us, called us snitches and told us to go back to China. Too bad I was with a Korean (the BSD) and a Chinese guy. The BSD was like, “Yo what the fuck dude?! I’m Korean.” My Chinese friend said, “Yeah. That’s right. We’re from China. We speak perfect English and just got back from the Beijing Olympics. Yeah.” At that point, I was dying of laughter at all the asinine things she was saying, and said, “But I’m from Mexico! I wanna go back to Mexico!” Some dude in front of us thought that was hilarious.

So the woman continued yelling at us, continued telling us to go back to China and continued waving her acrylic nails in our faces, which resulted in a cut above the eye for the BSD. At one point, she even called us “Chong Chong Chong.” I have no idea what that means, but apparently it’s stereotypically Chinese. I guess she was an example of what my boss referred to as “the most decrepit lowlifes you’ll ever meet.”

After all of that, I got home at 6:30 in the morning. It wasn’t China or Mexico, but I did get to roll into my bed as the sun was rising. Good times!

I took a few photos, so feel free to check them out.

And now here is a classic 90s rap from Bone Thugs-n-Harmony to ring in December and wake you from your turkey coma:

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Have a Dirty Thanksgiving

The Dirty Burrito wishes all of my loyal readers, all five of you, a very merry and food-filled Thanksgiving. I hope all of you who are home for the holiday have a great time hanging out with all the kids you vaguely remember and probably really found annoying in elementary and high school.

If you need to get away from your family this weekend, take a few minutes to read my Thanksgiving post from 2 years ago: Thanksgiving and Me.

If anyone is in NYC, give me a shout. Happy eating.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Christmas Power Hour

I’m going to break my own rule of not doing anything Christmas-related until after Thanksgiving by telling you about this amazing downloadable Christmas Power Hour mix.

I can just picture sitting with my friends by a fireplace, wearing ugly Christmas sweaters, sipping eggnog & brandy, eating gingerbread men, telling corny jokes, singing along to the songs, doing sixty shots of Natural Light in an hour and blacking out. What a great party that would be.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Name That Emo Kid

Since Bronx Mowgli Wentz is the coolest name in the history of the world, you get two videos today. Not even Apple Martin or Kal-el Cage got this much attention.

But I guess we shouldn’t be too surprised. After all, Pete gave Ashlee a giant Lego bee as a wedding present…

Don’t forget to check out Best Week Ever’s Emo Baby Name Generator. My kid is going to be called Tokyo Porky Burrito. That was based on my favorite song being "So Electric" and the thing that makes me sad being “Feed the Children.”

Friday, November 21, 2008

Random Musings

Here are some thoughts I've had over the past year, but they never were able to materialize beyond a few lines:

I’m very happy about the new themes for Gmail. I chose ninja. The only reason I didn’t choose tea house is because I already use tea house for my iGoogle. I need to vary the Asian themes across my Google applications.

I enjoyed Pretty Woman immensely, but there is no way in hell I'd ever date an ex-hooker.

Why is leftover rice from Chinese restaurants still hard after re-heating? The rice I cook isn’t like that. Are they not using enough water?

People who use avatars are most likely me.

It’s sometimes an adventure paying restaurant bills with visitors. For whatever reason, New Yorkers just divide the bill evenly as long as everyone ordered comparably priced items. It’s not because we’re rich, it’s because it’s easier. (We have no problem paying upwards of $1000 to rent a room the size of a broom closet, so the bill really isn’t a big deal.) Sometimes, visitors aren’t down for this method. They will calculate how much they actually ordered and will only want to pay that amount. This is tremendously annoying. When in Rome...

I DO you talk to an angel? People would think you're crazy.

What is the one thing Meatloaf won’t do for love?

I don’t like vodka, but I really like dirty martinis.

I shaved this past Monday. I don’t intend to shave again until the Monday after Thanksgiving at the earliest. I wonder how much facial hair I'll be able to grow.

I’m an inferior Asian in that I’m not that good at math. I only got a B.A. in Economics. I wasn’t good enough to go for the B.S. This is why I work in advertising. But it’s OK because I like to think I’m still better at math than my white friends…but I don’t know if this is true.

I love unlimited champagne brunches on the weekends waayyyy too much. I may have a problem.

Sunday, November 16, 2008


I was shopping for a new winter jacket yesterday afternoon when I was stopped by two Japanese FOBs (Fresh Off the Boat) on Broadway just below Prince Street. They asked me if they could take my picture for a Japanese hairstyle magazine.

If you know me, you know there isn’t anything special about my hair. I buzz it myself with clippers every three weeks. There isn’t much to it. My hair isn’t even anywhere near the level of coolness of the hair of Japanese people, so I honestly thought this request was a joke.

But again, if you know me, you know I love all things Japanese. I wasn’t about to pass on an opportunity to be in a Japanese hairstyle magazine, so I asked them a few questions to make sure it was a semi-legit publication. After providing some vague answers and showing me the magazine, I agreed to take part. The magazine was written completely in Japanese, so I figured it had to be the real deal.

What I forgot to ask was whether they knew I was Asian, or whether they were trying for diversity and thought I was Mexican. I would guess that everyone featured in a Japanese hairstyle magazine should be Asian. There are just certain things Asian hair can do that other types of hair cannot accomplish. I mean, would you put an Asian guy in a black hairstyle magazine?

The impromptu photoshoot was a bit strange. First of all, they took my pictures right there on Broadway in the middle of a busy sidewalk in Soho. I thought we’d at least go to a less busy sidewalk and take the pictures there. Secondly, the first shots they took were of the lower half of my body. I’m not sure if they were taking photos of my gold sneaks, or if they wanted a shot of my attire. I like to think it was a picture of the entire ensemble; it was the one day this week that I decided to dress well. Lastly, they completed their set by taking head shots from all sides. I was feeling generous, so I gave them some tastes of Blue Steel, Ferrari and Le Tigra.

The duo gave me an Email address where I could reach them, so maybe they’ll provide me with the final shots. I hope they turned out well.

And because it’s Music Monday, I’m leaving with you with a video: “Murder on the Dance Floor” by Sophie Ellis-Bextor. What does this have to do with my J-FOB fashion shoot? Absolutely nothing. They played this every night at my favorite bar in college (well every night that I went, which was about three nights a week), and girls totally dug this song, so this one is for the ladies.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Words of Wisdom

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” - Oscar Wilde


Sunday, November 09, 2008

Digital Memories

Does anyone develop film anymore? I started wondering about this after listening to Case & Joe’s “Faded Pictures,” easily the best song from the Rush Hour soundtrack. (No…“Can I Get A” was not the best song from that album. You can’t give that distinction to any song featuring Ja Rule.)

I can’t even recall the last time I had a roll of film developed. In fact, it had been so long since I even used a film camera, that when some tourists had me take their picture in Central Park this summer using an old school film camera, I actually had a problem taking their picture.

There was no optical zoom function, so my positioning was poor. On top of that, I held the button down too long and used up two shots. I thought I had to hold down the button for the redeye reduction flash. What a waste. Being Asian, this was tremendously embarrassing. I pride myself on my photo-taking abilities.

We live in an age where almost everything is stored digitally. People just use Flickr, Picasa, Facebook or some other online avenue to store photos. Even picture frames are digital. All you have to do is insert a flash drive into a frame, and you all of a sudden have a rotating photo album.

The reason I’m intrigued by this subject is because I wonder if “Faded Pictures” could even be written today. I imagine most musicians today still remember developed photographs. However, writing a song relating old relationships to faded pictures wouldn’t exactly resonate.

For an analogy, we can look to one of the immediate post-breakup scenes from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Peter, the main character, is arguing with his brother Brian about deleting all the old photos of him and Sarah from his computer. A sulking Peter is sitting in front of his Mac contemplating deleting all the photos that remind of him of his relationship. He can’t push himself to do it because he wants to save them “just in case” he and Sarah get back together. In a step aimed at moving on and away from the past and after much comical struggle and debate, Brian ultimately deletes the photos for Peter.

Rush Hour and “Faded Pictures” were made ten years ago. If Forgetting Sarah Marshall were made ten years ago, that scene either wouldn’t have existed or would’ve been completely different. I didn’t know too many people storing pictures on computers or online ten years ago. If an old photographs scene were still in the movie, it would’ve been done using a photo album or a shoebox of pictures.

“Faded Pictures” probably couldn’t be made today. I suppose a song with the same theme could be made, but it would be challenging. How would songwriter make the process at looking at old photos online seem like a deep emotional experience? Perhaps with the right singer and the right song, it could happen. But it probably won’t.

I bet what will happen is some lame musician like the Jonas Brothers will write some cheesy breakup song about how badly the memories hurt and how they’ll have to untag themselves in Facebook albums…if it hasn’t been done already. Save me please.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Rap the Vote

This week’s video is the most contemporary video you’ll ever see on Music Monday. It’s a little over a week old, and it comes from the 7th graders of Atlanta’s Ron Clark Academy. For those of you who have not yet seen the video, the students rap about the election issues to the melody of “Whatever You Like” by T.I.

I really like this video because it gives me hope for the youth of America. It’s nice to see kids are interested and knowledgeable about today’s issues. The students wrote all the lyrics and choreographed the performance themselves. You can even watch a CNN interview with some of the students, where Kyra Phillips asks them about the making of the song and who they’re supporting in this election. (The little guy she first interviews is hilarious and extremely eloquent. He gives the most reasoned, smooth and rational responses, and he is also the only McCain supporter.)

The defining characteristic of this video is not its lyrical originality or political neutrality. It’s the random white kid in the back right corner of the stage. His performance amuses me to no end.

I would compare him to the onion ring I would sometimes find in my order of fries when I used to eat at Burger King. I wasn’t quite expecting that onion ring and am not really sure if it belongs, but I’m willing to give it a chance. In fact, I eventually come to appreciate the onion ring even more because it’s actually diversified my eating experience and given me great satisfaction.

Kudos to that random white boy for stepping up and making the performance much more enjoyable.