Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Beer Olympics - Postgame Analysis

The first annual Beer Olympics held in my backyard was an enormous success. It was a gorgeous day for sport. People dressed in costumes and uniforms, the music was nostalgic (90s and early 2000s) and dance-worthy and, most importantly, there was competitive drinking.

We had originally scheduled three events: Flip Cup, Beer Pong Relay and Quarters Relay. However, we were so intoxicated by the end of the second event, it was a chore to get people organized and playing games. As Master of Ceremonies, I ended the "Events" portion of the Games, handed out trophies to the winning team and signaled the beginning of the drinking free-for-all, which included keg stands and shotgunning beer.

At the end of the day, 19 people, including someone's dad, combined to finish a keg and two cases of beer. It was a fun time, and we hope to do it again next year. In the mean time, we're going to rest up, continue training and hopefully regain some of our dignity.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Hot Wheels

As a birthday present to myself, I bought a Sector 9 skateboard to add to my collection of whips. It's a medium-length board with a longboard-style design. This baby is rollin' on 76's (millimeters). It is fly. If I keep this up, MTV may feature me on the next installment of Cribs: Whips, Rides & Dubs.

Riding the skateboard didn't come as naturally as I thought it would. I believe the last time I rode a skateboard was at least 12 years ago. I'm going to be 25 on Sunday. I have a bad right knee, and my lower back hurts from time to time. Let's just say my balance while accelerating wasn't exactly awesome, and it probably wasn't a good idea to ride for the first time at night on the bike path of a main city street.

I completely misjudged how hard it is to steer the board while pushing myself. I almost veered into traffic a couple of times, and a couple of bikers definitely used their bells on me.

I guess I'll just have to keep practicing. Please pray that I don't wipeout on a crack or pothole. Thanks in advance.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Bobby Brown Likes to Play Board Games

The Dirty Burrito wants to kick off his birthday week with a fun and happy video. And what’s more fun and happy than a 80s dance video? This week, Music Monday features “Every Little Step” by Bobby Brown.

The only version I found that provided embedding code contains snippets of an old interview before and after the video. The interview is definitely worth watching. We find out a lot about Bobby Brown.

- Bobby works out a lot. He tries to have a good balance between cardio and weights.

- Bobby is a homebody. He doesn’t go out too much.

- Bobby isn’t too good at basketball. He’s only good enough to sit on the bench and fill in for injured players.

- Bobby is into reading.

- Bobby plays the board game, Life, a lot.

This video is great not only for showing us that Bobby Brown is more than a musician, but because of the awesome outfits.

Will wearing big jackets with oversized shoulder pads and no shirt ever come back into style? I certainly hope so.

Also, I want my own spandex shorts with my name on them. Once I get those, all I have to do is work on pulling off suspenders, and I’ll be good to go.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Beer Olympics 2008

This Saturday, the culmination of several weeks’ worth of planning - multiple meetings and endless Email chains - finally comes to fruition. Four teams, three events, two cases and one keg. It all adds up to a glorious afternoon of competitive drinking among friends.

If we’re lucky enough to find a torch, there’ll be a torch relay around Tompkins Square Park at 2pm. Drinking will commence shortly thereafter.

Holler at The Dirty Burrito if you’re in the area. Teams are already set, but sporting events are always better with a crowd cheering (or booing).

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


The Mom & Pop Shop and The Little Taquito were in the city this weekend. Unfortunately, El Grande Burrito was unable to attend because his employer doesn’t allow vacation within the first six months—a huge travesty.

I most definitely played tour guide. We hit Times Square, Rockefeller Plaza, Central Park, St. Patrick’s Cathedral, the NBC Studios Tour, 5th Avenue, K-Town (twice), Grand Central, the Empire State Building, Macy’s (got new silver sneaks—holla), East Village, Alphabet City, LES, West Village, Washington Square Park, South Street Seaport, Ground Zero, Chinatown, Financial District, Soho, Nolita, Union Square, the Staten Island Ferry and even your mom’s house. I am now exhausted.

But the highlight of the trip was visiting the New York Palace Hotel. Yes…my sister and I visited the fictional home of Serena van der Woodsen. And we got a picture in the courtyard.

Visit my album if you want to see photographs.

Monday, August 18, 2008

She's Simply...Awesome

In honor of my friend, Schwalms, who loves holding hands* with her boyfriend, this week’s video is “Caribbean Queen” by Billy Ocean.

Why “Caribbean Queen?” Schwalms grew up in the Dominican Republic, which completely blows my mind. A Korean from the Dominican Republic? That’s almost as weird as a Filipino from Mexico…(or is it a Mexican from the Philippines?)

Why does Schwalms get the prestigious honor of having a blog devoted to her? Well, I’m in agreement with Billy—she’s simply awesome. And I’m in love…I mean, she hits the quarter century mark tomorrow. It’s only right that The Dirty Burrito acknowledges the fact that she’s getting super old.

But in all seriousness, as they say in my country — ¡Feliz CumpleaƱos!

*Again, as I mentioned in my Grooming post, “holding hands” isn’t code for anything. They just really enjoy holding hands.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

The ABDC Drinking Game

The season finale for America’s Best Dance Crew airs tonight, featuring a showdown between SoReal Cru and Super Cr3w. Asians versus B-boys. In case you were wondering, I am supporting SoReal Cru. I have to support the Asians.

And now that the 2nd season is over, I’m sure MTV will show a couple of marathons in the coming weeks. It’s not needed, but I’ve provided a drinking game in case you want to enhance your viewing pleasure.

Take a sip when:
- Shane Sparks says “Y’all” or “Y’all ripped/killed it”
- JC Chasez makes a negative comment, the crowd starts booing, and he says “OK here we go”
- Lil’ Mama says something incoherent and nonsensical
- Shane disagrees w/ JC
- Audience members flash the Super Cr3w sign in front of Mario when he introduces Super Cr3w

Take a large gulp when:
- Any of these dance moves/terms are used: Flare, Windmill, Turtle, B-boy, Tut, Pop, Lock
- Blonde girl with cleavage sits behind JC
- Audience members flash the Super Cr3w sign in front of Mario when he introduces a different crew
- Judges say the word “Robotic” in regard to Boogie Bots
- JC critiques you for your lack of choreography

Take a shot when:
- They show a celebrity (2 shots if they show a Real World cast member)
- Shane uses “ripped” and “hard” in the same sentence (e.g., Y’all ripped it hard tonight)
- Any Asian dancers talk about how their parents don’t support them
- You see a group of 4 or more Asian girls sitting together in clubbing outfits in the crowd behind Mario Lopez

Drink everything within sight when:

- Asian dancers further expand on the lack of parental support by explaining that the parents want them to be doctors or nurses
- Fanny Pak doesn’t wear a fanny pack

Monday, August 11, 2008

There is More to Life than Being Really, Really Ridiculously Good Looking

I’ve known the HGOC for 13 years. In that entire time, I’ve only known him to have had one serious girlfriend. He’s not exactly into the whole commitment lifestyle.

I recently visited him in Los Angeles. On the way to the airport for my return flight he told me, “Next time you see me, I’m going to have a serious girlfriend.”

I was very happy about his new goal, but deep down inside I was thinking, “I guess I’m never going to see him again.”

I follow up with him once in a while to check the progress of his serious girlfriend search. On Friday night, he told me he was still genuinely working on it. I gave him some words of encouragement, but I also told him it would to be a dramatic change, which would require him to sacrifice a little. I asked him, “Why all of a sudden do you want to change your lifestyle and go the commitment route? It’s a big move.”

His response: “Imagine hearing a love song and not thinking about anybody.”

That is deep. I honestly cannot fathom hearing a love song and not thinking about anybody. Actually, I find it fairly depressing.

In response to our conversation, this week’s video is one of the most emotional love songs of all time. In my opinion, “On Bended Knee” by Boyz II Men is the greatest love song of our generation. You could take any set of lyrics from this song and argue it’s the most beautiful, heartfelt lyric you’ve ever heard. For example:

So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight
I know that I don’t need to be alone
I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity
I’m begging you, begging you come back to me

How could a girl not come back to you after being serenaded with that?

This song also features THE unforgettable vocal solo. Listen around the 3:49 mark. You probably even know the words. How can you not believe in the spirit of love after that? I think love can solve world hunger, cure cancer and give us world peace.

Lastly, this video brilliantly highlights 90s fashion. It has Lark Voorhies aka Lisa Turtle rocking the mid-90s Clueless/Alicia Silverstone look—miniskirt with thigh highs. The Boyz are rocking every imaginable hat. And the Henley shirts are in full effect.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008


I previously gave my friend, Dong, the nickname of Magic Mic. The guy LOVES karaoke. After reading the E-mail he sent last Friday, I'm renaming him Big Swinging Dong. Below is the E-mail he sent out:


I've never felt so discriminated or embarrassed in my life before.

I was trying to make an appointment at the Apple Store online to ask about my crappy phone and check out what Apple has to say about my First Name. (check out the highlighted portion in the below screen shot)




What am I suppose to do now?

Anyway, if I haven't talk to you in a while or I don't normally talk to you when I see you because I am not sober, holla at yo' boiiiiiiiiiiii


Tuesday, August 05, 2008

White People Concerts & Alexis Bledel

Last night, I saw The National play a great show at the Central Park SummerStage. I haven't been to a concert in quite some time, but Stuff White People Like was spot on with its assessment of white people concerts.

I did find myself standing reasonably still the entire concert. I shifted my feet a few times because my feet would hurt from standing in the same position for long periods of time. Most other people were bobbing their heads, and many people occasionally threw a hand in the air to point at the stage to display their enthusiasm for the music. There was also a lot of clapping and relatively high-pitched "wooooooooooooo's" after each song.

On an unrelated note, I saw Alexis Bledel by my apartment. Yet another movie was being filmed on my block. I decided to check out what was being filmed. Old Guy (my other roommate) and I were secretly hoping it was Gossip Girl (Old Guy likes Blake Lively). We weren't quite lucky last night, but seeing Alexis Bledel was a pretty decent consolation prize. I was always in love with her as Rory Gilmore.

Monday, August 04, 2008

The End of a Love Affair

In true Break-up Summer fashion, my own love affair has officially ended. Like all relationships, it had its ups and downs. The good times weren't just good, they were amazing. The drama...well, it was all definitely worth it. Our time together was certainly beautiful while it lasted.

I wish we could go back. Back to the beginning. Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned. This Music Monday is my parting message to you. I'll look back fondly on all the amazing memories. Farewell Laguna Beach/Newport Harbor. Farewell.

(According to Wikipedia, the show is officially over and last filmed on January 12, 2008. Obviously, I hope this is just a bogus Wikipedia entry, and Clayboy, G-Bone, Chrissy and the rest of the gang return.)

Friday, August 01, 2008

In the News: T-Shirts

In an effort to spearhead the decline of respectable journalism, CNN has decided to branch out into the t-shirt business. Next to some of their more "humorous" headlines, they've placed a mini-shirt icon. Readers can click on the icon and build their very own shirt with the headline plastered across the chest and a dated subhead "*I just saw it on"

In related news, competitor Snorg Tees doesn't seem to be worried just yet. Snorg model and marketing-economics double-major-slash-overachiever Alice Fraasa says, "I don't think CNN t-shirts pose a huge threat to our business. I think CNN may have an issue because they aim for, like, an older, self-sufficient target, ya [sic] know, who may be feeling the effects of the declining economy. They may opt to buy groceries or three gallons of gas instead of a $15 t-shirt with a news headline on it.

We, like, aim for the high school through college-aged crowd. Soooo, economic factors don't really seem to affect them that much. They have their parents to, like, feed them and fuel their vehicles, so they spend most of their disposable income on funny t-shirts from us."