Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Belated Usage

It kills me whenever people say "Happy Belated Birthday." That isn't correct. The birthday isn't belated; the greeting is belated. Since "Happy Birthday" can be considered the greeting, you should say "Belated Happy Birthday."

This has been bugging me for years. I wish I could put an end to it, but it's going to keep on going much like "same difference," "anyways" and "could care less." Ugghhhh.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Mistaken Identity

I received a special request from The Homewrecker. She's been feeling a little sad lately and has been occasionally drinking red wine as a pick-me-up, which reminded her of "Red Red Wine" by UB40.

Like pretty much everyone else, I though UB40 was a Jamaican reggae band—Bob Marley-esque, if you will. It wasn't until I saw the video and some sort of VH1 Top 100 songs of the 80s list that I found out they were actually a white British reggae band.

On a somewhat related note, I met another person who incorrectly guessed my nationality. Here is the conversation that transpired:

Asian Girl: So where are you from?

The Dirty Burrito: The Philippines.

AG: (Puzzled look on her face) Oooh. I would’ve thought you were from somewhere else.

TDB: (With a slight, knowing grin) Oh yeah? Where did you think I was from?

AG: Somewhere in Latin America.

TDB: Si. Mexico actually.

Friday, July 25, 2008

OMFG

Labor Day. Get ready. Who is throwing the viewing party?

xoxo
-The Dirty Burrito

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Grooming

Sent Text

I just got a mani pedi and am about to get my eyebrows threaded. Its so awesome

The Sender

The Dirty Burrito

Replies

The Little Taquito: why are you such a woman? Are you by yourself?

Hottest Guy on Campus: I love threading, not as much as you love gay sex tho

Chunky Salsa: Words can’t begin to describe the gayness of that text

Roomate #2: You should also get you vag waxed while you’Re at it.

The Homewrecker: U t so metro

The only people that seemed to understand were The Homewrecker and The Little Taquito. After I told my sister that I was not by myself, but rather with two girls, she said: oh okay just checkin. I was gonna say, that’s a little odd if you were alone.

Apparently, it’s fine for her big brother to get a manicure, pedicure and his eyebrows threaded as long as he goes with two girls. Thanks, sis!

At this point you might be asking yourself, “Why the hell did he do all of that stuff?” I’m not completely sure but peer pressure combined with boredom may have had something to do with it. And a bit of alcohol.

I had taken a summer Friday and was hanging with the HJ and Schwalms. We were drinking overpriced sangria, and they asked me if I wanted to get a mani/pedi with them. I was a little hesitant at first, but then the Schwalms said I could probably blog about it. That’s all the convincing I needed. I was in.

We rolled into the nail salon—two Korean girls and a Mexican guy. The girls were right at home. Me? I just stood around watching them pick out nail polish. I had no idea what to do. I felt like it was my first day of school in The Americas. (What a horrific experience. I was 5-years-old, and I had no idea how to interact with all the white people. I didn’t know what to call the teacher, so I straight up called her “Teacher” for like an entire week. Bad memories. I just wanted to hop on my boat and row back across the Pacific.)

Anyway, this experience turned out to be much better. It was so relaxing. They cleaned up my nails and even applied a clear coat of polish at the end. I’m still not sure about the clear coat thoughpeople seem to notice because the light reflects off of my nails. The girls probably just told me to get it to mess with me.

Later on, the HJ and I hooked up with our other friends, the Rainmaker and the Magic Mic to do the eyebrow threading. Schwalms didn’t join the fun because she had to hold hands with her boyfriend. (“Hold hands” isn’t code for anything. They really did have to hold hands.)

Aside from avoiding traffic on my bike on Park Avenue and the Herald Square area, the threading was probably the scariest part of my day. I was concerned that I’d look like a female. Also, I thought it would hurt.

Luckily, I didn’t end up looking like a female. The procedure did sting a little though. The whole thing only took about five minutes, but threading is like a mass plucking of hair. I teared up in my right eye at the end of it.

Despite the slight pain, I was satisfied with the end result. I think threading is a good way to keep away the unibrow. Nobody likes the unibrow.

Overall, the entire grooming experience was pretty enjoyable. I’ll probably never get the mani/pedi again, but I’m glad I crossed it off my list of random things to do before I die. I’ll probably go back for the eyebrow threading. Again, nobody likes the unibrow.

Busted for Juicing

Two Asians waiting in line for an overpriced cup of super-delicious frozen yogurt at Pinkberry were outraged by the sight of the Mandarin Citrus Juicer being sold at the location. According to Gothamist, "They found the designer's characterization of Chinese men as smiling toadies whose heads are great for squeezing juice a tad offensive."

I am inclined to agree. Everyone knows that those little hats aren't used for juicing. They're used to shield our faces from the sun while we gather rice. Shame on you, Pinkberry. Shame on you.

(Side note: You'll also notice the hat on the yellow juicer in the back right looks like a sombrero. Since when do Asians not named The Dirty Burrito wear sombreros?)

Shoutout to the Nasty for the link. Her keen awareness for The Dirty Burrito material allowed me to educate you in proper usage of Asian headgear.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Spitting Mad Rhymes

Here’s a song for you where some white boys rap
I promise you deeply that it ain’t crap

Nintendo Wii, XBOX 360 and PS3
When I get drunk sometimes I lose my house key

Love the movie Swingers with Vince Vaughn
I hope you watch this video with the lights on

Friday, July 18, 2008

The Will

The HJ is in NYC this weekend. The last time she visited, I was destroyed…and that was only from drinking with her for an entire Sunday afternoon. I now have the pleasure of an entire weekend of hardcore HJ action, so…

In case something happens to me, I hereby leave The Dirty Burrito to the Hottest Guy on Campus.

His response to the great news: "fuck man thats incredible. i'm truly honored." As you can see, his grammar and punctuation standards are not as high as mine. However, his enthusiasm, much like his hotness (I'm talking to you, Larin), is unparalleled. I'll be damned if an unattractive, unenthusiastic person ever gets his/her hands on this blog.

Should my liver fail this weekend, he’ll be the only person who can truly carry on the spirit of The Dirty Burrito. If I do happen to make it through the next three days, then get prepared for another Music Monday!

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Break-Up Summer

I’ve been hearing about a ridiculous amount of people breaking up this summer. It’s gotten to the point where I just assume I’m going to hear about another break-up whenever I hear a story about a couple. My roommate actually said to me the other day, “So I heard something about (girl) and (guy)…they might be having a baby.” I was floored, not because of the whole possible baby scenario, but because the story didn’t end with them ending their relationship. At this point, I’ve just come to expect the worst.

In honor of this break-up summer, I give you “Return of the Mack” by Mark Morrison. You may have been too captivated by the fly beat to pay attention previously, but listen to the lyrics. It’s a song about heartbreak and moving on. And you can dance to it.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Feliz Cumpleaños

The Dirty Burrito is tres años today. I owe everything to my five loyal readers—you inspire me. I find it quite astounding that I’ve been able to maintain this blog for so long. You guys really do keep me going. I love hearing feedback such as how I’m a good distraction from work, even if it’s just for a couple of minutes, or so-and-so (sometimes someone I’ve never met) is pissed off because I haven’t posted in awhile.

It’s a bit crazy to think what the blog was like three years ago. When The Dirty Burrito first started, the only way people knew about the blog was either through sporadic mass E-mails I sent out for posts I really liked, or clicking on the link in my AIM profile. The Hottest Guy on Campus and The Homewrecker eventually joined the action with links in their AIM profiles, but other than that, I really depended on people telling friends, neighbors, teammates, etc.

Nowadays, I don’t even use AIM. I just post notes on Facebook and bulletins on MySpace. I’m so successful that I dished out the $10 for the rights to www.thedirtyburrito.com.

To celebrate my birthday, I’m listing twelve fan favorites from the past three years. Why twelve? I have no idea. But I remember getting a lot of reaction from these posts, so I just want to throw them out there just in case some newer readers want to check some of the classics. (Also, the picture is from my very first post. I’m not linking to it because it was terrible to the point that I can’t believe people actually kept reading me. And if you are wondering, that is actually me at the fresh, young age of 21.)

In chronological order:

I’m a foreigner…

I must admit that I’ve been slacking and haven’t been watching my grammar as well lately. Oh well.

The Hottest Guy on Campus

Not only is he Northwestern University’s inaugural Hottest Guy on Campus, but he received the first ever nickname designation on this blog and is the only person to guest blog for me. (You’re all welcome to guest blog. Just send me your work, and I’ll post it—as long as it’s somewhat funny and/or insightful.)

Backstreet’s Back…All Right

One of the best concert’s ever. I love boy bands.

Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?

My modeling debut. If you’re not a Zoolander fan, you won’t like this one…and also, don’t bother being my friend.

My Commercials

My acting debut. I can’t believe I didn’t parlay this experience into a career.

The Hills

Check out my review and predictions from the very first episode.

Out of My Element

I went to a gay night club. It was fun.

Thanksgiving and Me

A foreigner’s thoughts on bread-like muffins or muffin-like bread.

Sun, Sand, Freeways and Drama

I weigh in on the first season on my favorite show’s move to Newport Harbor and the 2nd season of The Hills.

Claudio Ranieri Wants to Play Craps

If you didn’t grow up in Michigan playing futbol with me, skip right past this one.

Spears Family Hit with Baby One More Time

How long until Jamie Lynn gets hot again…and turns 18?

Holla Back Wodie

I literally researched “wodie” for about 10 minutes to make sure I was using it properly and that it wasn’t a racial slur. “Holla back,” on the other hand, I knew how to use because of Gwen Stefani.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Federer is Human

Yesterday, we found out that Roger Federer is no longer the god of Centre Court. In honor of Rafael Nadal and the most awesome tennis match ever, I was going to bring you “We Are the Champions” by Queen. However, I wasn’t too psyched about the video. So instead, I’m bringing you The Human League.

Most people associate The Human League with their 1981 classic, “Don’t You Want Me.” It’s certainly one of the defining hits of the 80s, and you’ve undoubtedly danced to it at some point in your life. I, however, prefer their later hit, “Human.”

It’s a simple, yet powerful song about long-distance lovers asking one another forgiveness for their unfaithfulness. The man realizes he made a mistake—he decides to tell his woman about his actions and sincerely begs for her forgiveness. The woman throws a curveball and essentially says, “I screwed around too.” Oh snap!

I really like the conversational nature of the song—it’s almost like a scene from a musical. A musical about people in deep thought over splashing water and waterfalls.