Monday, June 02, 2008

R. Kelly Wants to Wax It

As the debate ranges on about whether R. Kelly loves underage girls, there is something that is cut & dry—his wasted potential.

Growing up in the early to mid-90's, I loved watching MTV Jams. I was totally uncool, still adapting to life in The Americas, and part of my acclimation process was having Bill Bellamy (and if I was really lucky—Idalis) update me on what MTV thought was hot in the world of hip hop and R&B.

It was on MTV Jams that I was first exposed (no pun intended) to R. Kelly. The two songs that made me a fan were “You Remind Me of Something” and “Down Low.” The former was a decent song, but “Down Low” was transcendent. And I was in love with Garcelle Beauvais.

With “Down Low,” R. Kelly gave us a song for the ages. It had a timeless theme, was deeply soulful and exposed a whole new generation to the magic of the Isley Brothers—a trifecta of success. The song showed us R. Kelly’s potential.

Though catchy, “You Remind Me of Something” seemed like R. Kelly was having a contest with himself to see how may ridiculous ways he could metaphorically say he wants to have sex with a girl—presumably underage. Take this line: “Girl you look just like my cars. I wanna wax it.”

First of all, that’s just improper grammar. It should be “I wanna wax them,” or “cars” should become singular. Secondly, waxing? Really? I could see how "pump" or "ride" could be metaphors for intercourse, but "wax"? I guess in light of his current trial, I could understand why he’d want to wax it. Perhaps the prosecution will use this as evidence?

I'm very disappointed when I think of R. Kelly's wasted potential. Instead of a collection of timeless classics, we get the Trapped in a Closet series and "Feelin' on Yo Booty." With more songs like "Down Low," he could've been our generation's Luther Vandross. Instead, he chose to be R. Kelly.


  1. We all know that "Feelin' on Your Booty Remix" is the greatest song ever written. Anyone who disagrees can call Andrew Hathaway and he will set you straight.

    Also, If the Wayans brothers can put a grown man's head on a baby and make a movie out of it then R Kelly, aka The World's Greatest, is innocent.

  2. And let's not forget "Down Low" part 2 aka "Contagious" featuring R. Kelly. An equal to, if not better than, the original.

    Ah the masterpieces!