Thursday, May 22, 2008

Out of Touch

"Out of Touch" by Hall & Oates is playing on my iPod. It is one of the greatest songs of all time.

That's all I have to say. I had to stop working just to let the world know how much I love the song.

And because I love you:

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Burritos and Ice Cream

The Dirty Burrito is now legit. I’ve taken another step in my half-assed attempt to make a career out of blogging by registering www.thedirtyburrito.com. My five loyal readers will no longer have to enter the “blogspot” portion of the URL.

On another note, the Champions League final between Chelsea and Manchester United is today at 2pm. I’ve included a picture of Cheryl Tweedy as an attempt to curse Ashley Cole. Really, why would he ever cheat on such a beautif…mmmmm that ice cream looks tasty.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Mutt Is Not Still The One

Shania Twain and Mutt Lange are taking an indefinite relationship vacation after 14 years of marriage.

I blame this one on Mutt. Shania probably got sick of being married to a photograph (Get it? Because he produced Def Leppard. I’m so witty.). Whenever he was mentioned on a VH1 Behind the Music (and he was mentioned a lot because he produced everyone), all they’d show is the picture I’ve posted. He was like the Wizard of Oz of music production.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Running Burrito

The Dirty Burrito is running in Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center's Rock & Run on the River on Sunday, June 8. Today's post is a shameless call to donate to the cause.

The Dirty Burrito is extremely grateful to everyone who has already contributed. Due to a few completely random donation amounts, I am only $44 away from my goal of $500.

However, I am a big fan of exceeding expectations. For the next month, I will be rocking and running so I can achieve my goal of finishing the race in 24 minutes. I hope you’ll help me achieve and surpass my fundraising goal (the government wants you to use those stimulus checks).

And if you’re wondering why you should donate to The Dirty Burrito, I will give you a reason. In addition to the awesome, animated thank you E-card (Asians do things electronically), I will make a cameo appearance at an event of each donor. I’m told that I’m a lot of fun and only minimally sketchy, so it should be a good time. It’s a win-win for everyone.

Here is the link to my personal page. Also, if you are in the NYC area and want to join Team Burrito, let me know. We can make T-shirts.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Never Gonna Give Up on Rick

I saw a story about Rickrolling on CNN video a couple of weeks ago. I don't know how long the practice of Rickrolling has been around, but I think it's a travesty and an affront to Rick Astley. I don't understand why anyone would think that mocking a man with a voice from the heavens is funny.

"Never Gonna Give You Up" is one of the great hits of our time, and I just can't believe that people want to make fun of it. The man let it all out--through his lyrics, through his voice and most importantly through his dancing. I'll admit the dancing isn't "great" in the contemporary sense of the word. But it wasn't until *NSYNC picked up Lance Bass that the music industry thought it would be good to teach white people how to dance. You can't blame Rick for being ahead of his time.

Lastly, I always liked this song. It reminds me of my youth. I never thought it was funny. I just always thought it was awesome. There's nothing funny about a phenomenal song that makes me think good things about my youth.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Hot Pants, Ferrari Shoes and the Miz

The Dirty Burrito and the Hottest Guy On Campus started the Los Angeles trip with the most orgasmic sushi lunch ever at Sasabune. Be sure to stop there. It will change your life. (Citysearch informed me that Sasabune is a chain with an Upper East Side location, but much more expensive. Stupid Manhattan prices.)

Following lunch, we went on what can only be described as a very homosexual shopping excursion. We started with the goal of finding new shoes, but the goal eventually evolved into finding super-tight shorts. First, we scoured some boutiques in Santa Monica, where I found the tightest (figuratively and literally) hot pink shorts. Rest assured, The Dirty Burrito will rock them all summer.

Next, we headed to The Grove, where our behavior got extremely questionable. We visited a variety of stores and tried everything from Hugo Boss hot pants to tight khaki shorts at Banana Republic, and we definitely hung out in the dressing room to critique each other on the merits of each item of clothing.

The highlight of The Grove trip, however, was the HGOC's sage advice regarding Puma Ferrari sneakers:

"Why would you ever get Ferrari shoes? Either you own a Ferrari, so don't fucking get Ferrari shoes, or you don't own a Ferrari, so don't fucking get Ferrari shoes."

The night's activites led us to S Bar. We didn't run into The Hills gang, but we did see the Miz. My first reaction was to size him up to see if I could take him in some sort of Inferno challenge. I decided that he would destroy me. He is about six inches taller, much wider and has one better knee than me. (I imagine going up against him would be similar to that time when my Greek roommates needed someone to wrestle for their fraternity at 8am on a Saturday morning in the 165 lb weight class. I went up against someone taller and 20 times more muscular and agile. The only reason that match went on for ten seconds was because I was able to avoid him for the first five seconds of the match.)

Later on in the night, he sat in the chair behind me and started hitting on a girl in our group. I tried to eavesdrop to get a sense of the Miz's game, but I couldn't hear over the music. Once he left, I followed up with the girl to find out more about the Miz. Apparently, he is very nice and didn't actually talk about his Real World career at all. He eventually offered her his number, which she politely accepted. However, when she tried entering it into her phone as "Mike," he requested that she put it in as "Miz." You gotta love the LA experience.

Lastly, The Homewrecker was aching for some lovin', so she wandered around the bar looking for a man. But not just any man. She said, "I'm gonna find a black guy." Unfortunately for her, the one black guy she found was gay, so she ended up talking to a group of nerdy, white IBM salesmen from New Hampshire. It was Dockers, tucked-in button-downs and Blackberrys-on-belts galore.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Welcome to the Jungle

The Dirty Burrito will be in Los Angeles through Sunday morning. There will be a glorious reunion with the Hottest Guy on Campus and The Homewrecker, who has an uncanny ability to break up already-failing engagements.

Get in touch if you care to join. I can guarantee it will be fun, and it will be safe. As you can see from the picture above, the HGOC wears protection at all times—even on his head at bars. (Another thing you'll note from the picture is that The Dirty Burrito is poor with Photoshop.)

And as bonuses, Powers and The Swede will also join the action. Actually, Powers will be in attendance, but The Swede’s presence depends on whether he’s making candy fish, assembling cheap furniture or brewing overpriced coffee.

I’ll be at S Bar on Wednesday night. Maybe the gang will be there.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Sideshow Adam & Friends

"A Long December" just played on my iPod. If you'll recall, this is the super depressing music video that featured Courteney Cox. Each time I hear this song, I always wonder how the hell Adam Duritz dated Courteney Cox AND Jennifer Aniston right around the time when Friends was at its peak. I like Counting Crows as much as the next person, but what he pulled of is amazing.

Yes-he is a rock star. I understand that is hot. Trust me, I'd love to be one. However, the man looks like Sideshow Bob and he dated the two most attractive women on one of the most popular sitcoms on television. And those two women are best friends in real life. He managed to get them to break the "I won't date my best friend's ex" rule.

I want to say that Adam Duritz is a genius or a conquerer of women, but I can't look at him and seriously come to that conclusion. Only if I ever meet him will I ever truly be able to determine his prowess with women.