Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Overheard on Avenue A

I was walking down Avenue A this afternoon and a seemingly drunk guy, who bore an extremely strong resemblance to the subway guy from the Patrick Swayze classic, Ghost, started yelling at a 3-year-old Asian girl.

She was waiting for the bus across the street with her brother, who looked about the same age, and her parents. She pointed at the sky and yelled something along the lines of “Look! Dad! Blah blah blah blah. Look!”

In response, the drunk guy yells, “Shut the fuck up you crazy bitch!”

The dad is ready to step up and cross the street to confront the guy, but he sees the bus approaching.

Oblivious to everything occurring around her, the little girl proceeds to shout more gibberish.

This time drunk guy yells, “This shit is outta control! Crazy fucking bitch! Shut the fuck up!”

Sunday, January 27, 2008

I Am A Responsible Boy

My mom gave me a bookmark when I was 17-years-old and a senior in high school. I think she gave it to me because she was freaked out about me having a girlfriend.

Below are the statements (verbatim) written on the front of the bookmark. They explain everything.

The parents of my girlfriend place their trust in me. I will not violate it.

I will respect my girlfriend as I expect other men to respect my sister.

I will respect womanhood because my mother is a woman: I will ask my girlfriend to do nothing that I would be ashamed of if my mother found out.

My girlfriend has given me the honor and pleasure of her company. It is wrong for me to expect more in payment for this date.

My girlfriend will be a wife and mother some day. She must be an example to her children and the pride of her husband. I will help her to be as pure and decent as I want my own wife to be.

Manhood means strength of character as well as body. Lack of self-control is a sign of weakness. I want my girlfriend to know I am manly.

God is everywhere, sees everything, knows everything. Darkness may hide me from people, but it cannot hide me from God.

If through my lack of self-control, I should get a girl pregnant, I will not put pressure on her to kill our unborn child.

I never threw this away because it is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. I laugh each time I read it. These are the types of things you only get as the oldest child. I know El Grande Burrito (aka my younger brother) didn’t get one of these. Check out the pic above. It’s not only a literary masterpiece, but a visual wonder as well.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Seminal Influences

I finally got to watch Juno this past Sunday. I had read mixed reviews, but overall, I enjoyed the movie. The only part I didn’t like was how she instantly became a rock critic. Some people would see her love of music as just another revelation of her personality, but I hate movie characters that think they’re giving commentary for a VH1 Top 100 Videos show. (The only exceptions to this are all the characters in High Fidelity. I thoroughly enjoyed that movie.) Their acting and dialogue are as predictable as Joel Stein placing “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” “Sledgehammer” and “Thriller” among the top 5.

I don’t need commentary on why Iggy Pop & the Stooges were transcendent, incendiary and a seminal influence for many bands to come. We get it. You’re really into music.