Thursday, December 13, 2007

Greek Harbor

For those who don’t know, Newport Harbor is back for a special four-episode run titled “Home for the Holidays.” I was so stoked for the show that I watched it last night after my 10:30 soccer game, which I played in 25 degree weather.

Each time a new season of Laguna/Newport premiers, I’m always pretty giddy about the forthcoming episodes, but not this time. I had this crazy feeling that I was an outsider at a frat party.

Let me take you on The Dirty DeLorean back through time. Think back to Welcome Week during your freshman year of college. It seemed like there was an abundance of crazy parties being thrown that week. Unless you or your friends knew older people at school who had their own houses or apartments, I’m guessing that a majority of the parties you heard about were thrown by frats. After all, they were trying to attract the best recruits (and hottest freshman girls) for the upcoming rush period.

If you went to any of these parties, you probably waited in a ridiculous line while some hardass at the door decided whether you were with enough attractive females before letting you inside. Why did you do this? Well, of course, to drink warm Schlitz Bull Ice and Black Label! (Side note: Could “warm Schlitz Bull Ice” qualify as an oxymoron?)

After you got in, you suddenly realized that you don’t know anyone at the party other than the people you came with. Essentially, you waited in line so you could go to a crowded party in a dirty frat house where you don’t know anyone and drink warm shitty beer. And you enjoyed this. Most likely, the only reason you enjoyed this was because of the massive amounts of nicely chilled alcohol you drank in your dorm room prior to venturing out for the evening.

In any case, watching last night’s episode was like being in that party. It just got off to a bad start when Chrissy mentioned she was in a sorority within the first 10 seconds of the show. Now, I have nothing against sorority girls. I’m friends with several of them. They also tend to be very good looking, as was the case with her two UCSB friends, who happened to look like clones with different colored hair. The problem I had was that these were sorority girls who just started college and just joined a sorority. All they ever talk about is their sorority, the drama that surrounds it and guys from fraternities.

Again, I just want to be clear. Just because I’m a GDI, it doesn’t mean I’m anti-Greek. In fact, I lived with some fraternity guys in their off-campus house during my junior and senior years. Why did they ask me and two of my friends to live with them? I have no idea. But I was unexpectedly hazed, and it was great (that IS me in the picture above).

I’m merely expressing my displeasure with the way “Home for the Holidays” started. If I wanted to relive that part of my life, I’d just go back to Ann Arbor and do it in person. At least I’d have warm Schlitz Bull Ice to comfort me. Plus, I could play the part of creepy older guy.

In conclusion, I hope the three remaining episodes stop giving me that weird outsider feeling. They can start with cutting out all the Greek talk. There is a way to play up the whole Chrissy-Billy-Clay love triangle drama without mentioning sorority sisters and fraternities. I know the storyboard editors didn’t go on strike, so I hope they stepped it up a little bit for the rest of the episodes.

Before I end this post, I have a few random thoughts about the first episode:

  • I thought both Kylie and Allie, Chrissy’s sorority sisters, were pretty cute. I can’t decide who looked better. Right now, my gut tells me the brunette—Allie. I’ll let you know my final verdict after all the episodes.
  • I can’t tell if Chrissy gained the Freshman 15. Some clothes and angles make it look like she did, and other don’t. Any thoughts?
  • The Like Sisters are like still like annoying as hell. And Allie like definitely looks strange without like bangs.
  • Sasha. Beautiful. Great person.
  • Taylor always brings it strong with the hair.
  • The relationship between Chrissy and her father is still really weird. They really need to stop talking candidly about her kisses with boys.
  • Billy seems like a huge d-bag.


  1. I agree with your Billy comment. Why in the hell would you start hooking up with such a loser when you have a guy like Clay? That is just beyond comprehension right now. That is impossible to go from Billy to Clay! I sware that had to be scrippted from dramatic purposes cause no girl in their right mind would do that.

  2. The Dirty Burrito12/13/2007 10:28 AM

    Who posted this comment? Name yourself, please. I need to know.

  3. IKnowWhatYouDidLastCollege12/13/2007 1:05 PM

    I remembered when you got hazed. That was adorable. Newport Harbor is filth compared to The Hills. It's like Nick Nolte to Gary Busey- almost, but not quite.

    Miss your musk.

  4. Chrissy's dad is a Perv.

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