Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Love & Hip Hop

I was ridiculing The Little Taquito (aka my younger sister) last night for watching Love & Basketball. I’ve been told it’s a good movie, but I’ve only seen the climactic last scene where the two main characters play one-on-one to determine their love for one another. Based on my little sampling, I’m not inclined to want to see the rest of the movie.

However, I recognized Sanaa Lathan, who was also the female lead in Brown Sugar, and I recommended that she see that movie as well. During my recommendation, I had an epiphany. I said, “You should see Brown Sugar. It’s exactly the same movie as Love & Basketball, except you have Taye Diggs instead of Omar Epps and hip hop instead of basketball. Basically you could’ve have called it Love & Hip Hop.”

Monday, November 19, 2007

Premature Decorations

I just returned to Michigan for the Thanksgiving holiday. I walked into my house and was welcomed by the site of a fully decorated Christmas tree along with a spattering of other Christmas decorations around my house.

This disappoints me very much. At the very least, I wish my mother would’ve waited until after Thanksgiving to decorate. The Dirty Burrito would like to have his “homemade” corn bread and turkey before dishing out holiday cheer.

On a completely unrelated note, my mother sent our Wii to The Island for my cousins because it’s apparently much more difficult to get one there than here in the Americas. My week is ruined.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Fallout Boy

For Halloween this year, I had originally wanted to be Fallout Boy. Not Fall Out Boy, the band, but Fallout Boy, the sidekick to Radioactive Man from The Simpsons.

Why Fallout Boy? I like being superheroes, but the whole tights thing doesn’t really work when you’re drinking. I have been Spiderman, and it was a pain to have to reach back and undo my zipper every time I had to go to the bathroom. Fallout Boy addresses this problem by heroically wearing shorts.

I tried Googling “fallout boy,” but it gave me the band. I tried various searches, including “fallout boy milhouse” and “fallout boy radioactive man.” What really irks me is that I tried the very obvious “fallout boy simpsons” and got results for Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson! What’s wrong with this world?

If Google had been around in the early 90s, Milhouse would’ve popped up all over the place. Now, I get stuck with a band from Chicago.

For those who are interested, I ended up being a bumblebee. I tried to be Bumblebee Man from The Simpsons, but everyone thought I was just a bumblebee, period. After explaining my situation and saying “¡Ay, ay, ay, no me gusta!”to about three people, I just got sick of it all and succumbed to the fact that I was just a regular bumblebee, not that there is anything “regular” about a grown male walking around the city in a plush bee outfit.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Last Issue

I bought an issue of Details magazine last year and though it was a good enough read that I should get their really cheap subscription. I also mistakenly thought that it Details was Esquire, which is what I really wanted to get because Chuck Klosterman is a contributing writer there.

After a couple of issues it became pretty clear to me that Details sucked. I tried to give each issue a chance, but I just couldn’t take the half-assed articles and snooty fashion/grooming advice. Though I’ll admit that some of the advice was decent, like the one-pager on how to properly hem pants or the featured tutorial on the art of shaving, I don’t need to know that I shouldn’t be wearing square toed shoes or “mom” jeans.

I think my favorite story from the magazine is this article with the doorman from Socialista. I wasn’t actually annoyed by it; I was entertained by the article. But it wasn’t because it was a good article. Rather, it was so outrageously ridiculous. You have a magazine profiling a guy who’s made a career out of being a doorman, and he’s supposedly equipped to give out fashion advice because he’s been the “stylish gatekeeper” at all of the hottest clubs in NY. If he’s so stylish, why doesn’t he have a career in fashion?

I knew for a while that I wouldn’t renew my subscription, but Details kept sending me “last issue” notices. These have been going on for about three months and came in the form of letters and E-mails. I kept ignoring them. In an attempt to appeal to the vain part of my personality, the latest letter states, “The issue you miss might just be the one that contains the tip, the shirt, the suit, the heads up that will make a HUGE difference in your life.”

Was the feature on the advantages of acquiring a bespoke suit really going to make or break me? Or maybe it was the profile on the features of the latest Rolex that might’ve made a difference. Had I decided to follow the advice of either of these articles, I may just be making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and sleeping with a Brazilian super model by now. Maybe, just maybe, I could’ve been Halle Berry’s baby daddy.