Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Leave My Stuff Alone

Bananas are my fruit of choice at work. They’re not messy and are easy to dispose. I’ll buy about four bananas at the beginning of each week and store them in the fridge to keep them from going bad. To make sure no one messes with my bananas, I keep them in the black plastic bag in which they came, and I store them in the butter holder atop the refrigerator door.

For the past two weeks, someone has gotten the great idea to steal one of my bananas. I’ll eat three bananas and save at various points during the week and save my fourth banana for Friday morning breakfast. The last two Fridays, I peer into the butter holder only to see my last banana missing. I search the entire fridge to see if it’s been relocated. But why would anyone relocate my banana? It’s not like anyone keeps butter at work.

I’m only going to buy bananas two at a time now. I hope this banana thief will stop being cheap and dish out the $.25 for his/her own banana.

Last night, I did my laundry. I was finishing up my dinner, so I showed up about ten minutes after the dryer had finished to retrieve my clothes. I go to my dryer only to see that a different load is in there. I’m confused as hell.

A husky lesbian wearing camouflage pants sees the look of disbelief on my face and says, “Were your clothes in that dryer? I put them in that cart. Sorry.”

I just gave her this look of disgust and anger. Why the hell would you take my clothes out of the dryer? Yes, I was ten minutes late, and if someone is late and all the dryers are taken, then you have every right to move someone’s clothing. However, there were five—FIVE—other open dryers! And they were all operational!


  1. maybe you should top acting like the docile asian you are and yell at the lesbian. a better option than letting he(r) assert he(r) male dominance over you, further justifying he(r) butchy ways. next time we meet im peeing on you. - hgoc

  2. Send an e-mail to the entire DraftFCB distro and tell them to leave you're bananas alone! Erica P did this once... true stroy.

  3. LOL. its just like here at home. when you want to eat the last of pudding or cake, its gone. i hate banana thieves.

    and oh. are you bummed coz she's a lesbian? or is it really just because of your laundry? or maybe both? haha