Monday, October 29, 2007

Latin American Domination

When it comes to highly attractive professional women, Latin America already dominates the world for occupations such as models, weather girls, morning & variety show co-hosts, news anchors and actresses.

Yesterday, they put the proverbial “nail in the coffin” when Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner won Argentina’s presidential election.

The Dirty Burrito congratulates Senora Kirchner on becoming Argentina’s first female (el/la?) presidente!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Phone Etiquette

Do kids nowadays know how to properly answer the phone? Almost everyone has a mobile device that shows you who is calling and most people have caller ID of some sort for their landlines. I feel like there isn’t really a need for kids today to ever say “May I please ask who’s calling?” They already know who is on the other line.

I thought of this random phone etiquette question because I almost broke my display screen this morning. I was worried about what I would do if I couldn’t see who was calling, but then two facts dawned upon me:

1) I had used rotary phones at one point in my life

2) There was a time when all the phones in my house were not cordless

After those realizations, I knew I was going to be fine. Am I just a crazy old man complaining about “those kids these days,” or do I have a legitimate point?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Nice, Pink and Tight

…to the teeth. That is how my hygienist described my gums during my dental appointment yesterday. It always feels great to get fantastic reviews from the dentist.

If you want to refer your friends to this post, just tell them to Google “nice, pink and tight.” I’m sure it’ll be the top result.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Banana Fluctuations

I always buy bananas from the fruit stand right outside of the Astor Place K-mart. The entire summer, the price was $.25 per banana.

About a month ago, the price at that stand changed to $.35 per banana or the super awesome deal of three for $1. I was outraged that they changed, so I checked the other three fruit stands within a one block proximity. They all had the same price. I refused to buy the marked-up bananas. Those are Herald Square prices!

A couple of days later, the prices in the area went back to the usual $.25. It stayed that way up until yesterday. I went to the fruit stand, grabbed two bananas and handed the guy $.50. He stared at the coins in a funny way before putting them in his fanny pack. My eyes darted to the price sign, and there it was. Bananas were back at $.35!

Today, I walked by the stand and the sign said 5 bananas for $1. What a steal! Only $.20 per banana. This is madness. I briefly considered buying a few bananas before realizing that someone would probably steal them at work.

Does anyone know why there is such fluctuation in the Astor Place banana markets?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Killer Tofu

Great news for all of you Doug fans out there:

1. This shirt exists

2. And there is a MySpace page with downloadable tunes

Isn’t Skeeter’s name so much funnier after Dave Chappelle explained the Lil Jon song? Yeah. I’m 24.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Stop Eating My Bananas

Someone took my banana again! I'm seriously contemplating a stakeout by the fridge.

They're only $.25 each from the street vendor! Get your own bananas!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Leave My Stuff Alone

Bananas are my fruit of choice at work. They’re not messy and are easy to dispose. I’ll buy about four bananas at the beginning of each week and store them in the fridge to keep them from going bad. To make sure no one messes with my bananas, I keep them in the black plastic bag in which they came, and I store them in the butter holder atop the refrigerator door.

For the past two weeks, someone has gotten the great idea to steal one of my bananas. I’ll eat three bananas and save at various points during the week and save my fourth banana for Friday morning breakfast. The last two Fridays, I peer into the butter holder only to see my last banana missing. I search the entire fridge to see if it’s been relocated. But why would anyone relocate my banana? It’s not like anyone keeps butter at work.

I’m only going to buy bananas two at a time now. I hope this banana thief will stop being cheap and dish out the $.25 for his/her own banana.

Last night, I did my laundry. I was finishing up my dinner, so I showed up about ten minutes after the dryer had finished to retrieve my clothes. I go to my dryer only to see that a different load is in there. I’m confused as hell.

A husky lesbian wearing camouflage pants sees the look of disbelief on my face and says, “Were your clothes in that dryer? I put them in that cart. Sorry.”

I just gave her this look of disgust and anger. Why the hell would you take my clothes out of the dryer? Yes, I was ten minutes late, and if someone is late and all the dryers are taken, then you have every right to move someone’s clothing. However, there were five—FIVE—other open dryers! And they were all operational!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007


Whoever made this shirt is a genius. I can’t wait for the Voltron movie. It was definitely my favorite cartoon growing up. I only ask that someone hot plays Princess Allura, and they don’t cast Ashton Kutcher or Dane Cook in the movie. I do hope they cast Minkus from Boy Meets World as Pidge. I'm sure he's already rich from all the syndication money, but a little extra cash doesn't hurt.

"Activate interlock. Dynotherms connected. Megathrusters go!"

I've interacted with females before. I'm serious. I even held hands with a girl once.

C-Webb Only Goes for the Smart Money

“I'm not going to Greece. It's no disrespect to [Olympiacos], but I can't do that. I'm an NBA guy. I don't want to just chase money. I want to make sure I respect the game.

“To tell you the truth, it's kind of stupid in a way to turn down stupid money, as my dad would call it, but I can't just do it for the money. If I'm going to play, I'm only going to play as a Piston ... unless something crazy happens.”Chris Webber

Apparently, taking the hundreds of thousands of dollars of illegal payouts from booster Ed Martin wasn’t stupid money at all and was a way of respecting the game.

It’s OK though. I’m not bitter. I’ll always have the memories of the Fab Five and their storied runs to two NCAA finals appearances. Oh crap. Wait a second. According to the NCAA, those things never happened.

Monday, October 01, 2007

The Dirty Burrito Updated His Blog

It drives me nuts that Facebook doesn’t use proper grammar. Whenever the News Feed shows a profile update that requires the use of a third person possessive pronoun, it always uses “their.”

For example, “Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago, added ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ to their favorite movies.” This is annoyingly incorrect.

It should read, “Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago, added ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ to his favorite movies.”

If it had said, “Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago, and Sloane Peterson added ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ to their favorite movies,” then it also would have been correct.

Facebook is a multi-million dollar enterprise started by a Harvard graduate. With all of the crappy new applications, such as “What is your porn star name,” can’t the company get someone to insert a piece of code that would recognize whether someone is male or female based on his/her profile, and have updates include the proper grammar.

And we wonder why people use incorrect phrases like “same difference” and don't know that "should of" doesn't actually exist.