Sunday, September 16, 2007

Crying Baby

One of the things I dread most in life is when a girl calls me up crying. When a girl calls and I hear sobbing on the other end of the line, one of the following may have happened:

  • She is calling to break up with you.
  • She had one too many tequila shots and cheated on you.
  • She cheated on you. Period.
  • A major tragedy just occurred.
  • She just got into a massive fight with best friend/co-worker/significant other/parent/etc. (Note: If you are not dating the girl and she constantly calls you in tears to rant about the massive argument she just had with one of the aforementioned people, then you are officially that guy who is the “best friend” who is always there to listen and be the shoulder to cry on, but you’re just really in love with her. Take charge loser. Ask her to prom and profess your love.)

If a girl calls for one of the latter two reasons, I have major issues. I’m completely awkward. I’m very good at listening, but I never know what to say. I always try to say something, but it always ends up being cliché (“It’ll be OK”) or totally idiotic (“Oh…uhh…yeah…that sucks”).

For conversational purposes, I almost wish a girl would call for one of the first three reasons. At least in those situations, conversation will flow very easily. There’s nothing like a good shouting match over the phone. At the very least, there’ll be at least one very emotionally charged and natural “Fuck you” in the conversation.

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