Monday, May 28, 2007

Roommate Ruminations

I recently moved out of my East Village slum on 9th Street to a much more livable apartment two blocks away on 7th Street. One of my new roommates is a guy with whom I went to high school and with whom I lived during the last three years of my college adventure. I’ll refer to him as #2 for two reasons: 1) we have another roommate (who I’ll logically refer to as #1) who is #2’s roommate from their first year of NYU law, and 2) he likes to poop a lot and for long periods of time.

In any case, it’s extremely refreshing to finally live with friends again. We’re familiar with one another and are at ease when speaking—i.e., not too much BS conversation. This past week, #2 and I discussed a couple of fairly interesting and relevant topics.

V-neck Resurrection

The V-neck is back, and I’ve jumped on the bandwagon. With the onset of hot weather, there’s never been a better time to show off that man cleavage. The lower the V, the cooler the shirt.

You also have to balance the lowness of the cut with the amount of chest hair you have. If you have a low-moderate distribution of chest growth, then you should opt for the mid-low cut V. If you happen to be bare because puberty seems to have bypassed you, then anywhere from high-low cut will work. If you have Werewolf syndrome, then you might want to stay away from the V-neck altogether. Some fashion statements are better left to lumberjacks and the 70’s.

The Ultimate Tattoo

According to Esquire, the lower back tattoo died earlier this year. I would argue that it died a year or two ago, but regardless, #2 seems to agree that the lower back tattoo is somewhat lame.

While walking home one night, he told me of the perfect replacement for the sexual relic of the early 00’s that is the tramp stamp—the Mad Libs tattoo. Whether it’s a butterfly, sun or the Chinese symbol for “do me”, a lower back tattoo initially can be very sexy. However, after engaging in doggy style relations multiple times with your significant other, it can become as mundane as, among other things, engaging in doggy style relations multiple times with your significant other.

This is where the Mad Libs tattoo comes into play. Whenever you’re in the heat of the moment, you have the ability to amuse yourself with a new story every time so that your favorite position never becomes routine.

1 comment:

  1. lol i was there when he said that about the mad libs tattoo. # 2 is a good name for him. But I think it should be said like Dr. Evil would say it. NUMBERRRRR TWOoooh