Monday, May 28, 2007

Roommate Ruminations

I recently moved out of my East Village slum on 9th Street to a much more livable apartment two blocks away on 7th Street. One of my new roommates is a guy with whom I went to high school and with whom I lived during the last three years of my college adventure. I’ll refer to him as #2 for two reasons: 1) we have another roommate (who I’ll logically refer to as #1) who is #2’s roommate from their first year of NYU law, and 2) he likes to poop a lot and for long periods of time.

In any case, it’s extremely refreshing to finally live with friends again. We’re familiar with one another and are at ease when speaking—i.e., not too much BS conversation. This past week, #2 and I discussed a couple of fairly interesting and relevant topics.

V-neck Resurrection

The V-neck is back, and I’ve jumped on the bandwagon. With the onset of hot weather, there’s never been a better time to show off that man cleavage. The lower the V, the cooler the shirt.

You also have to balance the lowness of the cut with the amount of chest hair you have. If you have a low-moderate distribution of chest growth, then you should opt for the mid-low cut V. If you happen to be bare because puberty seems to have bypassed you, then anywhere from high-low cut will work. If you have Werewolf syndrome, then you might want to stay away from the V-neck altogether. Some fashion statements are better left to lumberjacks and the 70’s.

The Ultimate Tattoo

According to Esquire, the lower back tattoo died earlier this year. I would argue that it died a year or two ago, but regardless, #2 seems to agree that the lower back tattoo is somewhat lame.

While walking home one night, he told me of the perfect replacement for the sexual relic of the early 00’s that is the tramp stamp—the Mad Libs tattoo. Whether it’s a butterfly, sun or the Chinese symbol for “do me”, a lower back tattoo initially can be very sexy. However, after engaging in doggy style relations multiple times with your significant other, it can become as mundane as, among other things, engaging in doggy style relations multiple times with your significant other.

This is where the Mad Libs tattoo comes into play. Whenever you’re in the heat of the moment, you have the ability to amuse yourself with a new story every time so that your favorite position never becomes routine.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

In Need of Some Drama

The final episode of Gilmore Girls ended last night. Yes, I did actually watch the show casually for a few years, but this should come as no surprise since you already know I enjoy the catchy beats of Kelly Clarkson. The ex-girlfriend from high school forced me to watch it with her toward the end of my senior year, and I just continued watching on and off through college because the show legitimately interested me. It didn’t hurt that I was more than slightly attracted to both Lorelai (the mom) and Rory (the daughter).

I didn’t actually watch the final episode because I’ve just moved into a new apartment and don’t have a TV, but The GF told me how the finale transpired. As she was giving the play-by-play, I suddenly realized that I was a big supporter of The WB throughout my high school and college years, and most of the shows I had really enjoyed are now off the air.

From the time I was a freshman in high school until about a year-and-a-half ago, when I temporarily migrated to The Island, I watched the following shows: Dawson’s Creek, Roswell, Gilmore Girls, Everwood, Smallville, One Tree Hill and Young Americans (a short-lived summer series presented by Coca-Cola—completely lame and trite, and I have no idea how I remember it was a summer series presented by Coca-Cola. I do remember that Kate Bosworth and Ian Somerhalder, who was killed off in the first season of Lost, were on the show.)

Of all these shows, the only one left is One Tree Hill, and I stopped watching because that show became too ridiculous. How can you take a show seriously when it makes Minkus, from Boy Meets World, a significant character? Am I to believe that high school seniors getting married and living together was completely acceptable to the community? What about Moira Kelly “resurrecting” her career by playing Chad Michael Murray’s mom? That was a complete shocker. I kept expecting D.B. Sweeney to show up so they could perform that ridiculous figure skating trick from The Cutting Edge.

What’s the point of this rant? I don’t exactly know. I just felt a bit sad that pretty much all of the shows I once supported are off the air. I was going to make some connection about how I’m growing up and more mature, and I can’t connect with these shows anymore. But that’s a bunch of crap because my favorite show of is Laguna Beach, and I can’t wait to see what happens to Tessa and the gang and how many Dashboard Confessional songs they play in the fourth season.