Thursday, January 11, 2007

I Run on Dunkin'

My team at work finally had its end-of-the-year party last Thursday. We originally scheduled it for December, but too many people were on vacation. The first Thursday of the new year was the perfect time for Jews and Christians to gather for beverages and inebriated conversation.

The festivities included a Holiday gift exchange. We weren’t allowed to call it a Secret Santa because of the whole Judaism thing. Apparently, it’s not politically correct. Personally, I think this politically correct thing needs to stop. You should be able to call things what you want. I call it a Secret Santa. If other people want to call it the Hanukkah Hexchange, then be my guest. I don’t really care. The only situation where political correctness should apply is when racial epithets are involved.

Everyone at work knows I love donuts. In fact, I have two donut magnets sitting on top of my cube cabinet. They look delicious enough to eat. I completely expected my Secret Santa to get me a gift card to Dunkin’ Donuts. And she did. Bless her generous little heart.

This past weekend in the city was exceptionally beautiful. I wanted to go to Macy’s to check out a new watch, and since the weather was spectacular, I made the two mile trip by foot. I was also starving, so I decided I was going to spend some of my Dunkin’ Donuts gift card on iced coffee and a breakfast croissant with sausage, egg, and cheese. I thought I would have a nice, leisurely stroll with a breakfast sandwich and a refreshing beverage.

It was too bad I didn’t realize Dunkin’ Donuts hates its customers. My first Dunkin’ was around 31st and 3rd in Murray Hill. I placed my order, and the employee left to get my sandwich started. I pulled out my gift card, and he says, “Sorry. We don’t accept that. We don’t have credit card machines.”

Slightly dejected, I cancelled my order and continued my journey to Macy’s in hope of finding another Dunkin’ fairly soon. I went west on 34th and saw a Dunkin’ between Park and Madison. It even advertised the fact that it was kosher. I got really excited, thinking it was going to be the most delicious Dunkin’ever. Unfortunately, by kosher, they meant they serve no meat. Bastards.

I was a bit more perturbed but knew there was a Dunkin’ in Herald Square. Unfortunately, this Dunkin’ was part of a multi-restaurant piazza. KFC, Dunkin’, and a no-name establishment. This Dunkin’ only had donuts.

Now, I’m extremely angry. I walked west on 34th toward 6th in hopes of running into another Dunkin’. I find success in the Dunkin’ that’s combined with a Pizza Hut, except the service was slow and horrendous, which caused an extremely long line.

I saw the woman putting sugar into my iced coffee. She wasn’t even looking as she conversed with her co-worker and dumped two giant spoonfuls of sugar into my cup. There was so much sugar; I could feel the sugar as I sipped the drink. The food actually tasted good at the time, but I think it made me sick later that day.

Though I’m greatly appreciative of the gift card, I will never wish for another Dunkin’ Donuts gift card again. Dunkin’ Donuts, if you’re reading, please stop franchising to idiots who provide sub par service and don’t serve meat because they’re “kosher.” Please make it mandatory to have credit card machines. You should also discontinue jelly donuts, and increase production of the marble frosted donuts. While you’re at it, a frequent buyer card would really make my day.


  1. i submitted a link to your blog to in their "product feedback" form. that'll teach those guys.

  2. The Dunkin across the street from my office was closed for about 4 months due to a health code violation. When I finally got enough courage to step into the place with some co-workers the service was unbelievable piss poor. If you ask for a bagel with chives cream cheese and get a veggie cream cheese you should have the right to return it. Well apparently it didn't sit well with the workers there as they told me that once I took possession of said bagel it was mine.

    Needless to say I hate Dunkin...

  3. If I had known that my gift card was going to cause so much greif I would have gotten you a sweater.
    BTdubs, that was hysterical!