Thursday, January 25, 2007

Hittin' It Big

Ever since I moved to NY, I’ve had a nagging urge to buy lottery tickets—specifically for the Mega Millions game. Originally, I told myself I wouldn’t purchase any tickets unless the jackpot reached the minimum level of $100 million. I’ve been able to keep to that rule. I’ve only bought two tickets since June.

My desire to buy tickets only grows with my stay at my job. It’s starting to dawn on me that I’ll probably be working for the next 40+ years. Hopefully, I’ll be extremely successful and reach a point where I’ll actually need work to keep me going. But for the time being, I’m content with trying to find an easy out. Enter the Mega Millions jackpot.

Why the Mega Millions? I see the level of the payout at least three times a day. I see it on two pay phone kiosks and a newspaper stand during my bus ride to work. Once the quality of my day starts to deteriorate, which is usually within ten minutes of arriving, I start to wonder what would happen if I won.

I start to think, “Let’s say I win when the prize is $50 million, I take the lump sum, they take away taxes, and that still leaves me with about $20 million.”

Of course, this post-tax payout is just a guess based on what I’ve read about previous winners. In any case, I start thinking about the great stuff I could do with this money.

Being an extremely risk averse person, I’d probably stash a few million in a high-yield, low-risk security, if those even exist. But then another thought came to mind. I should just go against my instinct and splurge on something crazy.

My first thought was to rent a villa on some island, fly out all my friends and family, and party for a week. It would be great. All the people I love would get to meet one another, and we’d be merry on a private beach in a beautiful, tropical locale.

I was probably stuck on this idea for a good six months until I went home for Christmas and spent my days in my parents’ basement watching TV nonstop for a solid week. (Side Note: I used to live in my basement during the summers in high school. There was a bed, bathroom, TV and computer, and it was much colder than my stuffy bedroom. Unfortunately, my parents kicked me out of there during the summer after my senior year because they were highly suspicious of me and the ex-girlfriend holding hands. I tried telling them that my bedroom was too hot, but they weren’t having any of it. This eventually led to my dad awkwardly confronting me in my bedroom before a trip with my buddies to Cedar Point. Because a two hour drive to an amusement park in Ohio is the ultimate romantic getaway, my mom thought a trip to Cedar Point was a ploy for me to bring the ex-girlfriend so we could get some alone time to hold hands. So what does my mom do? She sends my dad to confront me in my bedroom just before I’m about to leave. My dad says, “Is (ex-girlfriend) going with you?” Incredulously, I retort with a huge, “NO!” My dad says, “Are you guys having (redacted)?” I obviously say, “No.” Then, he gave some speech about being able to speak to him if I ever needed to, and then we just stared at each other awkwardly for about ten seconds. At that point, we just broke out in uncontrollable laughter—the kind you share with friends when you do something drunkenly stupid. And we couldn’t stop laughing for about twenty seconds. Then my dad, still laughing, finally says, “I didn’t (laughter) want to say anything (laughter), but your mom (laughter) made me.” And we just laughed even more uncontrollably. This, quite possibly, is one of the top five moments in my life.)

Anyway, one of the movies constantly playing that weekend was Big. I always loved this movie. Obviously, everyone loves that piano scene, but what I particularly love, besides Elizabeth Perkins in her bra, is his loft. The place is insanely spacious and has enormous windows. When I was a kid, I thought the trampoline, bunk bed and Pepsi vending machine were the greatest. I’ve always wanted to know where it is. I imagine it’s somewhere in Soho, but this is merely speculation.

After seeing this movie two or three times over Christmas, I decided the first thing I’d do if I ever win the Mega Millions jackpot is buy the loft. I’d decorate it exactly how it’s decorated in Big. Then, I’d get a few hot bartenders and hire *NSYNC, Kelly Clarkson and Snoop Dogg to perform at a party for all of my friends. I’d also make everyone wear black tuxedos or black dresses, and I’d wear that ridiculous white outfit he had at the office party.

(Side Note: “Behind These Hazel Eyes” by Kelly Clarkson just started playing on my iPod. This is the best Kelly Clarkson song…ever. I think this is the perfect ending. Good night.)


  1. c-lo, didn't know you had a blog. Impressive. We should go on a food binge so you can detail every step (bite) of the way.

    see you at office space.

  2. That's my favorite Kelly Clarkson song, too! Sai thinks that song is gay, but that doesn't keep me from listening to it.