Sunday, September 10, 2006

Signs of Aging

Dominique Wilkins, Joe Dumars, and the great Charles Barkley were inducted into the basketball Hall of Fame this past weekend. I know all three of those guys and even remember watching them play on TV. I’m sure most of you also remember watching these guys, and do you know what that means? It means we’re getting old.

When I was younger, all these “old school” players would be inducted into the Hall of Fames for basketball, football, and baseball, but I’d never know who they were. Now they’re inducting the Human Highlight Reel, the guy who Michael Jordan called the toughest defender he’s ever faced, and the Round Mound of Rebound.

My sister is 10 years younger than me, and I bet she and her friends don’t have any recollection of these guys when they had uniforms. That age group probably doesn’t remember ‘Nique, only know Joe Dumars as the President of Basketball Operations for the Detroit Pistons (and for you Detroiters—Joe Dumars’ Field House), and Charles Barkley as the enormous, hilarious commentator on TNT with a "gambling problem."

Speaking of my sister, another sign that I’m old is that she did not know about Dr. Martens. Back on The Island for Christmas Eve, I wore this hot magenta button down, jeans, and brown Sergio Tomani shoes. She looked down at the shoes and said, “Those shoes make you look gay.”

I replied in a sarcastic tone, “Oh what do you want me to wear? Should I be wearing super cool Dr. Martens like all the guys in your school?”

With a puzzled look on her face, “What are those?”

“You don’t know Dr. Martens?” They have the yellow stitching on the soles. The soles are really thick and made of that special material.”

“No.”

“What do the guys at your school wear?”

“Skechers.”

Apparently, Dr. Martens are no longer popular among the middle school crowd. Skechers have usurped them in coolness. Skechers used to be the crappy brand people would buy if they couldn’t afford Dr. Martens. What a change of events. And remember how the soles used to have those crosses as part of the pattern? They’re gone now.

One last sign that we’re all getting older—Jenny McCarthy is no longer hot. I was watching Andy Roddick’s semifinal match in the US Open, and they showed Jim Carrey in the crowd. The announcer gave the obligatory Jim Carrey shout out, but what didn’t happen was somewhat funny. Jim was sitting next to his latest love interest, Jenny McCarthy. She has become so insignificant to pop culture that CBS barely showed her and didn’t even mention she was there with Jim Carrey. I didn’t even like her FHM spread. Jim Carrey made a mistake. He should’ve gone after the other, hotter Singled Out host—Carmen Electra.

I will leave you all with a quote from one of my all-time favorites—Sir Charles:

"I'm rich, man. I can't be hitting people. It's a liability issue. Especially with all these white people in the crowd at golf tournaments. I can see the headlines: 'Charles Barkley kills white dude with a golf ball.' I don't need to be looking for my Al Cowlings." [Source]

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