Friday, August 04, 2006

Because Brown-Bagging at Your Cube Sucks

New friends,

So, Kevs and I were talking about lunch the other day. While we LOVE eating lunch, we can’t, for the life of us, figure out where to get a decent bite.

This is where you guys come in. We’re looking for a detailed list (excel format) of quality eating establishments in the surrounding area. Keep in mind the word “quality.” This isn’t just a sheet w/ a bunch of options; it’s a highlight reel of the greatest spots in each category (Sandwich place, Burger joint, Pizza parlor, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Thai, etc). Obviously, this will require extensive research (Internet, interviews, trial-and-error, etc)… so, we’ll give you some time.

Unfortunately, this is a two part assignment. We’ll need one for the 919 third Avenue area and another for our soon-to-be new home (100 W 33rd Street).

Please contact us with any questions.

Good luck,

Steve

P.S. As this is an entirely inappropriate request, please feel free to decline.

That was the E-mail that Kristin, my cube neighbor, and I received upon returning from a meeting. It was from Steve, my “manager,” and Kevin, Kristin’s “manager.” Being a lover of food, I completely disregarded the “High Importance” client E-mails and revisions I had to pass on to creative, and I immediately responded with the following E-mail:

This is an entirely inappropriate request. However, I would be more than happy to partake in the action. Just note that there will be some caveats regarding my participation:

  • I am on an AAE salary, and I discarded my parents’ credit card last year. I am completely financially independent. I lack the necessary funds to buy lunch on a regular basis. Add my penchant for wasting money on late night Kentucky Fried Chicken and San Loco, and my liquidity further declines. The conclusion that can be drawn from these facts is that I don’t buy lunch often, so the list will be solely based on secondary and tertiary sources.
  • Each of you will buy me lunch upon completion of the list. This does not mean that we go to Wendy’s, purchase a Spicy Chicken Sandwich Meal with Diet Coke and split the cost. We will all go out to lunch together to an establishment of my choosing, and one of you will purchase my meal. This process will repeat itself once more for a grand total of 2 free meals for me.
  • I reserve the right to take as much time as I want. If I want to spend 3 months completing the list, then you will wait 3 months, and I will wait 3 months for each of you to purchase my free meals.

If you agree, then you will have a list sometime in the not-so-distant future.

Regards,

Carlo

Kevin immediately responds with the following E-mail:

Guys,

I applaud Carlo’s initiative on this request and his detailed feedback. Unfortunately, as this is a group assignment we (Doles and I) will assume the caveats provided are not in full until receipt of Kristin’s own unique conditions, unless of course this is consolidated feedback.

Please see our initial thoughts below in red.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

  • I am on an AAE salary, and I discarded my parents’ credit card last year. I am completely financially independent. I lack the necessary funds to buy lunch on a regular basis. Add my penchant for wasting money on late night Kentucky Fried Chicken and San Loco, and my liquidity further declines. The conclusion that can be drawn from these facts is that I don’t buy lunch often, so the list will be solely based on secondary and tertiary sources.

Although this is slightly disheartening to hear, it’s completely understandable. Feel free to err largely on the side of one-on-one interviews with co-workers and the World Wide Web. Additionally, you ought to collect our input whilst compiling your data.

  • Each of you will buy me lunch upon completion of the list. This does not mean that we go to Wendy’s, purchase a Spicy Chicken Sandwich Meal with Diet Coke and split the cost. We will all go out to lunch together to an establishment of my choosing, and one of you will purchase my meal. This process will repeat itself once more for a grand total of 2 free meals for me.

Agreed. But shouldn’t this be four lunches? (Please see the above comment regarding group effort.)

  • I reserve the right to take as much time as I want. If I want to spend 3 months completing the list, then you will wait 3 months, and I will wait 3 months for each of you to purchase my free meals.

As your research is based solely on secondary and tertiary sources, there should be no delay in completing this list. Furthermore, three months is entirely out of the question. We eat lunch every day, thus this list is critically important from a timing perspective. If you would like to better organize your efforts, consider the 919 Third Avenue portion of the request a priority.

There you have it. I am now charged with the task of creating 2 highlight reels of lunch establishments. I’m fairly certain I’m going to have to pursue this endeavor on my own as it took Kristin approximately 2 hours to respond. When she did respond, all she could formulate in what can barely be considered a response was, “I accept your challenge.” She even forgot to CC everyone, and only included Kevin on the initial E-mail. These are not the actions of someone who wants to compile luncheon highlight reels. It took me all of 5 minutes to draft my response.

Why am I sharing my correspondence with you? Because I need your help. I implore all of my loyal readers, all 50 of you, to help me with this list. I want you to spread the word about this post, particularly to New Yorkers.

I want feedback on restaurants, eateries, bodegas, cafes, rathskellers, street carts, etc. I want testimonials on places that must be visited as well as places that must be avoided. Where are the best deals? What places rip you off? What places make you smell horrible, but keep you coming back? I want you to give me review websites, ala citysearch.com or menupages.com that you like to view when it comes to choosing food. Anything goes.

Please keep in mind that I am focusing on 2 locations: the areas surrounding 1) 55th Street & 3rd Avenue and 2) 33rd Street and Broadway. If you didn’t catch it earlier, the reason there are 2 locations is because we are moving in 9-12 months. Remember, the 55th Street location is a priority.

If you don’t think I’m serious, consider that I’ve opened up an E-mail account just for feedback. You can respond to foodreel@gmail.com or my comments section. I’d like to complete this sooner rather than later, so please spread the word. I’ll post the list once it is completed, so you’ll also be able to use it. Together, we can set the standard in the world of highlight reels for food.

1 comment:

  1. I wish i could help, I will have to visit NYU soon. EB

    ReplyDelete