Sunday, May 28, 2006


It’s 11:37 AM on a Sunday morning, and I am still completely wasted. Last night, I celebrated with a couple friends because I found a place to live in the East Village. The people I will be living with are new to me, but they definitely seem like my kind of people—very laid back and they do the dishes.

Anyway, I got hammered last night. This normally doesn’t happen to me anymore because my body doesn’t handle it well. I’m out of college and my body isn’t conditioned to drink vodka, beer, and Jack Daniels in copious amounts all in one night. I’ve transitioned into the phase where I have many drinks and get a nice buzz, but I’m not so drunk where I get lost. I don’t remember where I went last night, but I remember hopping on the F train hoping to transfer at some point to the N or W. Instead, I fell asleep, freaked out, and got off at 63rd and Lexington. I had no clue where I was and started walking in the wrong direction uptown in search of a cab. When I found a cab, he had to pull over so I could throw up. It was not a good experience for me. Now I am watching You’ve Got Mail, inhaling paint fumes which I originally thought was the smell of vodka and Jack Daniels emanating from my skin, and my legs are dead.

Speaking of You’ve Got Mail, I think it’s hilarious. I think it’s hilarious when Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan log on to their AOL accounts because it dial-up. I also think it’s hilarious that they use AOL. I don’t think I know anyone that uses AOL anymore. Does AOL even send out all those CDs in the mail? I think it’s hilarious that Dave Chappelle is in the movie as Tom Hanks’ right-hand man. I think it’s hilarious that they make the E-mail exchanging seem so romantic. They were both in relationships. Isn’t it cheating to carry on an E-mail relationship like that? Whatever. I need to lie down and get rid of this hangover.

Saturday, May 27, 2006


I’m very excited. This blog is about to get MTV-rrific again. I’m watching a marathon of Season 2 of Laguna Beach. Why is MTV showing a marathon? Because The Hills premieres on Wednesday at 10 PM, and they are trying to expose LC as much as possible before the premiere.

Another reason I am excited is because the new season of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge premieres on Monday at 10 PM. As many of you know, I can’t stand the Real World, and I can’t remember the last time Road Rules was made. However, I love The Challenge. I was devastated when I had to miss The Gauntlet II. From what I heard, Alton was an unstoppable force. There was also a new host—TJ Lavin. I don’t know what to make of him. I hope he hosts RW/RR: Fresh Meat. I need to make a judgment on him. I was slightly disappointed when I heard neither Jonny Moseley nor Dave Mirra was hosting the show.

The last reason I am excited is that Jessica Alba is hosting the MTV Movie Awards, where Kate Beckinsale is making an appearance and Christina Aguilera is performing. I don’t need to say anything else.

Random thought from this morning: I was surfing the web (what else is new?) when the connection was interrupted. I did the usual routine of unplugging the modem for a few seconds and plugging it back in. As I walked back to my computer it crossed my mind that unplugging the modem is the 21st century version of blowing on your Nintendo game. Think about it.

Don't forget to check out the trailer for The Hills:

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


I got a huge surprise today. After my 3 hour marathon interview session at The New York Times Digital offices yesterday, I got a call back for a final interview this Friday. This was completely unexpected since I FORGOT TO LOOK AT THEIR WEBSITE!!!

This would not have been a problem except the fourth person that spoke to me was the director of ad operations and she asked me what I knew about The New York Times and whether I had visited the website. I gave quite a shaky answer because this never happens to me. Usually, I check out a website before applying for a position and once I’m granted an interview, I usually visit the site everyday before the interview. For some reason, doing all this due diligence didn’t even occur to me this time. You can imagine my feeling of shock when I was asked if I had seen the website.

You can bet your life I will add The New York Times website to my bookmarks and read it everyday.

Friday, May 19, 2006

A World Without Burritos

I think this picture nicely shows my views on the illegal immigration. Can you really imagine a world without burritos?

I just want to state for the record that I went through all the proper processes to obtain my United States citizenship. Though some ignorant people think otherwise, I am LEGAL. Yes, I have had the green card and had to line up in the "Resident Alien" line at immigration, even prompting my sister (who was 5 years old at the time) to ask, "You guys are aliens?"

My parents had to take a test asking the date of Independence Day. I even had to sign an oath swearing my allegiance to the United States. Well I signed it, but will I ever go to war for this country? HELL NO!! Call me a traitor or wimp...I don't care. I don't see any of you jumping out of your seat to fight--not even this guy who called me a dumbass for my Zoolander post. I enjoy life and do not feel like dying just yet.

Besides, if I died, there would be no Dirty Burrito. Can you really imagine a world without any burritos--edible or dirty?

Thursday, May 18, 2006

A Search Engine for Life

Don’t you wish you had Google for your life? For example, I was just looking for my parents’ copy of March of the Penguins. It had been sitting on the kitchen counter for about two weeks, and I finally decided I wanted to watch it. I’m sure you can guess what happens when I finally get up the energy to watch the movie. It disappears. It isn’t in the kitchen, the DVD cabinet, or any of the bedrooms. I don’t know if this is just wishful thinking or if I use the Internet too much, but while I searched my kitchen I thought it would be brilliant to type in March of the Penguins into Google so that I wouldn’t have to do all this manual searching.

In all fairness, it’s a great and very practical idea, but maybe too farfetched. A split second after that thought, I realized how ridiculous my idea was. Why is it ridiculous? It’s ridiculous because, though creative, it highlights my dependency on the Internet.

How bad is my dependency? I need to bring my laptop with me everywhere. I move it from room-to-room in my house. I need to have my laptop next to me when I read a book so I can go to to look up the meanings of word I don’t know and search Google or Wikipedia for pop culture, scientific, and historical references with which I’m not familiar. I need it while I watch TV or movies so I can search IMDb for “that guy I saw on another show.” My parents have Direct TV, and as I browsed the menu the other night I wished the programming guide had a search engine built into it. I don’t need Us Weekly when I can read Bricks and Stones, Perez Hilton, or Pink is the New Blog. And do you think Access Hollywood is going to tell me that Lindsay Lohan has finally decided to eat and get her boobs back?

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch some YouTube.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

My Commercials

I've discovered how to put video on Blogger! It is actually fairly simple and feel idiotic for not knowing earlier.

Here is the video of the two commercials I "acted" in while I was in the Philippines. The first ad is an anti-drunk driving PSA. The second ad, featuring my hand in an attempt to surpass J.P. Prewitt as the world's greatest hand model, is an anti-piracy PSA for Tower Records. Enjoy...


Does anyone care about hockey anymore? I’ve watched the NHL playoff highlights on SportsCenter where an anchor sits with Barry Melrose and they analyze the games. It’s really awkward. The anchors sound like they’re giving the highlights to a futbol game in Europe. They don’t know anyone, and they can’t pronounce the names.

A link on ESPN reads “Who exactly is Ilya Bryzgalov?” Well, who the hell is he? Who are any of these players? What happened to the good ol’ days—Fedorov, Lindros, Lemieux, Bure, Roenick, Yzerman, Potvin, Roy, Housley, Iafrate, Gilmour, Muller, Gretzky, Mogilny, Hull, Fuhr, Leech, Messier, McSorley, and Robitaille?

I don’t recognize 99% of the names they blurt out on ESPN highlights. Actually, I don’t even care. I’ve heard that these playoffs are really exciting, and the game is better because there is more scoring. Unfortunately, the strike really did damage hockey. I’ve moved on and completely lost interest, and I’m sure many others feel the same.

I have a solution for hockey, but the NHL is going to need the help of EA Sports. They need to come out with a modern equivalent of NHLPA ’93 for today’s video game consoles. I will always believe that a huge part of the reason my generation grew to love hockey was because of the original NHLPA ’93 for Sega Genesis. It is the defining video game of that era, even being featured in a well-known scene in Swingers.

The only thing that will keep the NHL from losing all relevance in five years is a revolutionary hockey video game. Good luck.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

An Ode to Sir Charles

In light of John Daly’s revelation that he has a gambling problem, Charles Barkley, in his usual upfront manner, said he also loses millions of dollars gambling.

Unfortunately, every sportswriter and sportscaster had to get on his high horse and say something about how Sir Charles has a gambling problem. I say “shut up” sports journalists of America.

Charles Barkley is a great man. He has earned millions of dollars throughout his career, and is still earning millions of dollars. If he wants to gamble most of it away, I say go ahead. I think the sports journalists that criticize him are just jealous because they wish they had the freedom to gamble away half of what he normally loses.

Keep on gambling Sir Charles. As a tribute, I’m going to post some of my favorite quotes. Go here if you want to see a comprehensive list:

Reggie Miller: "Gonzaga. That's my dark horse."
Charles: "They ain't that dark."

"When you play for the Wizards, [Gilbert Arenas] is like Michael Jackson. He's playin with a lot of Tito Jacksons."

At halftime of the all star game, in response to seeing Beyonce in the crowd, Barkley said, "All I wanna know is when ya see someone that pretty, how can you go to Brokeback Mountain?"

EJ: "The Wizards have not won a playoff series since 1988.
"Barkley: "That's only because they sucked."

"Man, there's nothing in the world that makes me as nervous as seeing white people dance."

When asked why blacks excel at basketball: "It doesn't cost anything to play."

"Colonel Sanders is the greatest white man that ever lived."

"In the old days, you didn't take two days off for a hangnail or a yeast infection like they do these days. I can't believe a guy would sit out of a game for a broken nose. I played with a broken nose. I strapped one of those head gears on, couldn't see side-to-side, so I took it off like a man and played. I saw Larry Bird do it too. You can't sit out with a broken nose. You don't need your nose to play basketball."

Charles Barkley: "I'm so sick of fat people."
Kenny Smith: "Why? You can't live with yourself?"
Barkley: "First of all, they killed Oreos. You know they can't make the Double-Stuff Oreos anymore because fat people can't keep their mouths shut. Now they're killing the McDonald's super-size. Can you believe that? Just because fat people are lazy and don't work out and can't keep they're mouths shut, they have to ruin it for everybody. They'll probably kill ice cream next! Is that my fault they can't stop eating? I'm so sick of these fat people suing these companies. Stop eating!"

On Magic Johnson's return to basketball: "We're just playing basketball. It's not like we're going out to have unprotected sex with Magic."

Ernie: Charles do you know what a blog is?
Charles: No, I just know it has something to do with the internet. I don't do the internet. Anybody that sits and plays on the computer just has no life.

And I have no life…

Monday, May 01, 2006

Hail to the Stalkers

I just read a story from The Michigan Daily about potential University employers using Facebook as a screening tool for candidates. I think this is ridiculous. People need to stop being so uptight.

I don’t have a problem with employers looking at personal sites like Facebook, MySpace, Blogger, or Flickr, but they need to be open about it. When I was interning at The Agency on The Island, the account directors were looking for potential account executives. After viewing the resumes, they would search for the people on Friendster just to check out pictures and what their interests were. I thought this was weird at first, but never did they discriminate based on what they saw. All decisions were made based on what was on the resume. They even hired someone with drinking pictures all over the profile.

I believe a person is capable of separating his work life from his private life. If someone is ingesting a cocktail of coke and heroin three times a week, that is a different story. However, if I want to do a keg stand over the weekend, take pictures, and share the pictures with my friends and blog about what I vaguely remember, then I think I should be able to do so without worrying about what my employer thinks.

I think you should be judged on your performance in the office, not your performance outside of it.