The client uses this Filipino action star to endorse this specific product. We did a shoot with him and some awesome expensive photographer a couple months ago, but we only got shots of him in his wifebeater and button down. The client wanted a picture of him in a white t-shirt. It was not within budget nor was it the most economically efficient thing to pay up again just to get shots of the guy in a white tee, and they ruled out Photoshop for a variety of reasons. I guess a body double was the best solution, and they needed a male model.
I set down my Orange Mocha Frappuccino and headed out to the mall to get my fitted white tee. I was looking for a shirt that would evoke memories of Derelicte—it is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique. I tried on several shirts, turning to the right a few times to check myself out in the mirror doing several poses.
I also had to stop eating for the next six hours because Rissa yelled at me while making alterations to my shirt. “Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!”
Thank goodness for Junette, my fearless leader/Account Director, coming to my rescue. Her retort, “I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit... stay the hell away from Carlo.” If my memory serves me correctly, I believe they had a break-dance fight.
In any case, I had to resort to smoking Lucky Strikes in the break room, but that didn’t work out too well for me either. I thought I was getting the black lung. It wasn’t too ventilated down there.
Finally, 6 PM rolled around. It was time to get my shoot on. Here are a few takes that came from the shoot. The results are in amigo. What’s left to ponder?
Here are some reviews:
“God, you’re hot.” –Hottest Guy on Campus
“Who cares about The Dirty Burrito anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!” –Mugatu
“HAHAHA... hey if the advertising thing doesn't work out it looks like you've got a future in modeling!” –The Grassy Knoll
“DORK. Oh my gosh.” –The SO
“Can you believe it everybody? Carlo's body double stand-in has started a craze around the world. Everybody wants his chiseled pecs and sturdy bicep.” –Chirco
“WTF? Are you serious?” –The Asian Sensation
“Hahahahaha! You’re an idiot.” –Rillo
"I friggin' worship you, man" -Hansel...so hot right now...Hansel
Anyway, this modeling thing has been one hell of a ride. I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.
(Disclaimer: I used several lines from the movie Zoolander. Some are denoted by quotations and others are not, but in no way do I claim credit for any of them.)
Until next time…