Thursday, October 20, 2005

Flowing with Randomness

Michael Jackson received a summons for jury duty in Santa Barbara. His lawyers are taking care of it because he apparently lives in Bahrain right now. What the hell is he doing in Bahrain? He must be into the exotic youngsters now. OK, bad joke. I apologize.

I was watching the new Sean Paul video for We Be Burnin, and I started to wonder. “Does Sean Paul really have that accent when he isn’t singing?” Have you ever heard Shaggy speak when he isn’t singing? He doesn’t have an accent! He turns it on for when he sings. There is also UB40, who sang Red Red Wine. They sound like they’re from the islands, but they are actually British. If only I had an accent…and musical talent…I’d be rich.

Speaking of being rich, I did not win the PowerBall jackpot last night so I am still not rich. Don’t worry because I only bought two tickets. I wasn’t one of those crazy fools who bought like $200 worth of tickets for a 1 in 146 million chance of matching all 6 numbers. Also, what is the deal with these suckers who played the numbers from Lost. I don’t watch Lost nor do I have anything against the show, but what the hell were those people thinking? Even if those numbers did show up, did they think that they’d be the only ones that thought of the genius idea to play those numbers?

You want to know who is lost...besides me, of course? Butch Walker. My friend, Alexander, discovered him the other day. I’m going to have to say Butch is even more depressing than Dashboard Confessional in the days when he was a solo acoustic act singing about how his girlfriend broke his heart. I’m telling you, Butch Walker is one tortured soul. I’m surprised he was able to stay away from killing himself and write music. Go check out his site at for music samples and his deeply depressing lyrics. It’s a cool site regardless of whether you like him.

Let’s talk about using a phrase that starts with “whether.” For example, in the last sentence of the previous paragraph, most people would have written “whether you like him or not.” I’ve learned that this is incorrect because “whether” implies there is another extreme. I’ll get off my soapbox now.

Since I’ve moved to Minneapolis, I’ve experienced extreme weight loss. I’ve lost 10 pounds and I’m down to 160 pounds; this was my weight when I was a 13 year-old 8th grader. I thought that was kind of weird because I expected to gain a gut just like my dad. I don’t want any of you to think I’m anorexic, bulimic, or spend 4 hours in the gym everyday. I still work out normally like I used to in college, but my old work schedule combined with not having a ton of money or a car have contributed to my diminished weight. When you are sitting in a cube all day trying to get your work done, you don’t really think about eating too much. I also don’t have a car, so I can’t get to a grocery store. I just take my diminished budget to the Target in downtown Minneapolis. I haven’t had fresh produce in months.

I’ve been spending a lot of my time watching the Food Network to get ideas for things to make once I move back home and have access to fresh produce and ingredients other than pasta, chicken, rice, and bread. My favorite shows are 30 Minute Meals with Rachael Ray, Good Deal with Dave Lieberman, Everyday Italian, Iron Chef (original, not the cheap American rip off), Emeril Live, and Unwrapped. There is so much awesome food. It’s also good to see Mark Summers still working. He deserves to be happy after providing so much joy for much of the youth of America in Double Dare and Family Double Dare. I know the Huffy Bikes and British Knights really made me want to be on the show.

If you want to read something embarrassing and funny about my childhood in the motherland, read the comment left by my 40 year-old aunt from the October 17 entry entitled I Need Direction. See you next update.

Monday, October 17, 2005

I Need Direction

Shakin’ booty making sweet love all the night

It’s time I got back to the good life

It’s time I got back

It’s time I got back

And I don’t even know how I got of the track

I wanna go back

- “The Good Life” by Weezer

You would think that not having a job would lead to me shakin’ booty and making sweet love all the night, every night. However, my self-imposed budget and existence of a significant other banded together to prevent all that from happening.

What I have to do now is get back on the track to employment. Now that I don’t have to show up to my cube every morning, I’ve been able to focus all my energy on finding the right employment. I didn’t know the job search could be so tedious. While I was in school last year, I just relied on the Career Center to provide me with on-campus interviews because it was really easy to just walk to their building. This time around, I’m searching everything from Monster to Career Builder to Vault and all the companies in between. I’ve applied to about fifty jobs, and submitted about twenty cover letters with my resume. Writing a cover letter is like writing a college paper—it blows.

So I applied to all these jobs and I even got replies from some of them, and I realized that I didn’t even really have an urge to work for most of the companies where I applied. I was just submitting my resume to places that sounded cool (MTV Networks) and entry level crap that sounded like it would pay a decent amount for minimal work (Chipotle). I took a step back and really thought about what I wanted to with my life. I didn’t want to end up at another job like Business Analyst at Target, where I was about to go insane.

I had to take a step back and look at what interested me, and what it came down to was advertising and marketing. I know I’ll probably have to work for peanuts for a few years, but I don’t think I’ll mind. Ever since my uncle brought me with him to work at McCann Erickson Philippines when I was 11, I always wanted to be in that business. Unfortunately, I got off the track somewhere along the way and chose to major in the exciting field of Economics. Maybe I should’ve laid off the booze and took some actual time to choose a major that would’ve helped me in advertising. I know what you’re thinking right now. “Carlo, why didn’t you just major in advertising?” The answer is that the University of Wolverines didn’t have the greatest array of majors, and somehow I chose to go into the exciting world of nominal interest rates and compensating wage differentials. See what I mean, it turned me into such a huge nerd that I just used those last two economic terms in my blog that is pretty much devoted to pop culture television.

Anyhow, I ended up applying to some large agencies in California, New York, and Michigan to get into media planning. That is where you get to do some research and decide what media outlets to use for ads. It may not sound too sweet to you, but it sounds sweet to me. And that’s the kicker right there. None of the jobs I was applying to were interesting to me. They only seemed interesting because I thought they’d give me a decent monetary payoff.

I just realized that I probably bored the hell out of a lot of you with the not so brief description of my thought process for my job search, so I’ll start talking about my random thoughts in the following paragraphs. Anyway, I guess the grand point I was trying to reach is that life is too short to stay in the wrong situations. The past four months that I worked just flew, and I was miserable for a good part of it. Let’s hope this advertising thing works out.

I was watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air a couple days ago and I had a revelation. The opening sequence where they roll the credits and Will Smith raps never changed in all the years (1990-1996 according to it was on the air. The only things that changed were when they added Ross Bagley because he played Nicky and the name switch for the actresses that played Aunt Viv. Even when his bright, baggy clothes went out of style, they never re-shot the scene. I found this interesting.

Does anyone else think that Iron Chef America is inferior to the original Iron Chef? It’s so ridiculous. It’s just not as interesting when it’s not dubbed.

I think Bill Simmons needs to stop talking about Boston.

I love how Scoop Jackson incorporates his dialect into his writing.

Can you believe Hatty hooked up with a 37 year old mom that has a teenager? What a crazy guy.

Does anyone watch hockey now that it’s back? I catch some random highlights on SportsCenter, but it’s not the same anymore. They might as well just put on some Arena Football highlights.

I finished The OC: The Complete First Season last week, and I'm not ashamed to say that I loved it.

Since Bush Senior and Bill Clinton are so tight nowadays, I would love to see them make a run for the White House together. Bush Senior would have to run for President because Clinton demolished him and already used up his two terms.

It’s 2:30 in the morning, and I’m finally getting sleepy. I will leave you with this question: What the heck happened to my “I heart Soccer Moms” t-shirt? I was going to wear that to my sister’s soccer games, but now I can’t because it mysteriously disappeared about a year ago.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Free At Last

Hey Guys,

I just wanted to let you all know that I resigned from The Corporation today. I would like to debunk all the rumors right now; I did not resign because William was better than me at dishing out random facts or that my horrid secondary play in Flag Football was undermining the legacy I had built as a championship Kickballer. I just didn't feel comfortable in the merchandising role.

You may or may not be asking yourselves, "What the hell is Carlo going to do with his life now that he doesn't have to sit in a cube all day?"

Though a rather large void will be left by sales forecasting and resolving inventory issues, I actually have a great task ahead of me: finding a new job. I know some of you thought I was just going to stay in my apartment all afternoon, watch daytime TV, drown in a pool of forties, and write incoherent thoughts in this blog. However, depending on how much of my disposable income I choose to spend on leisurely goods such as food, alcohol, retail purchases, KY Jelly, ninja classes, etc., I only have enough money to remain unemployed and solvent for about 5-7 months. I am concentrating on going back to Michigan and have already sent resumes to numerous companies, including Chipotle, which would be quite glorious since I am very knowledgeable about their products.

I will remain in Minneapolis for the next month or two. I will probably spend my time job-hunting, working out, cleaning, and most importantly—writing in this blog.

I will leave you with this quote from the immortal Charles Barkley.
On Magic Johnson's return to basketball: "We're just playing basketball. It's not like we're going out to have unprotected sex with Magic."



P.S. I am not completely holding myself to the state of Michigan for employment opportunities. If any of you have connections in California or NY, I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear from you even if you don’t have connections, but your friendship will immediately rise in value if you can provide me with a lead.

P.P.S. Mom and Dad, if you are reading this I resigned from my position on Thursday, October 6. I will not ask you for money….yet. I will be home soon. I know you will be very excited to see your first-born child, who saved you money by getting AP credits in high school and graduated college in 3.5 years, who got in some youthful trouble with alcohol but never got arrested, and picked up Michelle when you guys were really busy at work. I love you guys.