Sunday, August 28, 2005

Random Semi-Jogging Journal Thoughts

Sorry for being gone so long folks. Multiple things came up: IM football, staying late at The Corporation, being tired, etc. Anyway, I decided that I’d watch the VMAs tonight. I haven’t actually watched the VMAs in a long time, but Lindsay Lohan flashed the peace sign at me and I immediately felt obligated to watch. She didn’t look that bad tonight, but I still think she should gain her weight back and get back to her natural hair color.

Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom are starring in Garden State 2…I mean Elizabethtown. Orlando is having a career crisis and is on the verge of suicide, his dad dies so he goes home, and he meets Kirsten Dunst and they fall in love. At least he isn’t playing an elf, knight, or pirate. He also flashed the peace sign, and I knew that I had chosen the right program to watch.

I knew Green Day was going to win Best Rock Video. That’s so predictable. What was wrong with Mr. Brightside by The Killers? If they won Best Rock Video for When I Come Around, then I’d be totally OK with this but why don’t we try and surprise people by giving the award to someone else.

What was the deal with that dance-off? Usher was looking on and probably thinking “I’d destroy all of you in a dance-off!” Ginuwine is probably watching from home going “Man if I had a hit song and was at the VMA dance-off, I’d destroy everyone including Usher!” Good thing MC Hammer came on and proved to everyone that he is the best dancer to ever live.

Ashley Simpson needs to stop screaming. She is horrible. I can’t believe I used to love Pieces of Me. Yes, I just admitted to loving Pieces of Me.

Jessica Alba is gorgeous. Dwyane Wade, you spell your name incorrectly. Who wasn’t expecting Shaq to come on stage?

Holy shit it’s Eric Roberts! Stop lip-synching R. Kelly. Where are the other actors? This is so weird. R. Kelly, you had so much promise. Why’d you have to go pee on that underage girl? This R. Kelly performance just keeps getting funnier and funnier. Did you guys know Eric Roberts was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar in 1985 for Runaway Train. Now he’s doing music videos for The Killers and Mariah Carey and appearing on the VMAs. I saw his sister Julia on the most recent Dave Matthews Band video. I think the Roberts are trying to conquer the music video world. I know I’m going to anger many people by this, specifically the maniacal DMB fans, but I hate DMB and I think he sucks. I think he sucks even more for spawning John Mayer, who thinks he is Dave Matthews.

Hilary Duff lost a lot of weight, and she looks great. Don’t Joel and Hilary make a good couple? He’s only about 10 years older then her. I think Joel is pushing 30. That must be really awkward meeting Hilary’s parents, especially when she was underage. They were obviously getting it on when she was 17.

That group B5 looks like Soul 4 Real wannabes. For those of you who don’t remember Soul 4 Real, they had one song that performed mediocrely in the mid 90s called Candy Rain. I’m torn between Lindsay Lohan and Ashlee Simpson on the Best Pop Video award. Hey look…Kelly Clarkson changed. I really wish we had gotten to see Mariah Carey more tonight. She probably would’ve changed like 10 times.

I want to personally thank Kanye West for allowing Jamie Foxx and outlet for his musical aspirations. I think it’s hilarious that he is in music videos, both of which involved Kanye West.

I really like this fashion award thing. They are actually doing something nice and giving the money to charity. Snoop…you can’t give it to a football league. Gwen always looks classy. What the hell is Eva wearing?!?! Craziness.

Oh man! Here is Mariah. Cleavage…check. Stilettos…check. Showing off her leg…check. Please give me a wardrobe change…………YESSSS (she is now showing off both legs). Everyone talks about Mariah having that 8 octave voice that can shatter a wine glass...I’d like to see this. That is my challenge to you, Mariah…or Mimi…whatever.

I think one of the greatest mysteries of the world is what the members of Gorillaz look like. Maybe if Kurt Kobain made videos using cartoon characters, he might not have been so famous and traumatized, Nirvana would not be so legendary and topping everyone’s 100 greatest whatever list, Dave Grohl may not have started Foo Fighters, and Courtney Love would not have been so cracked out. That’s the butterfly effect folks.

This performance by MCR is awesome. I thought they were decent before, but I think they’re even better now. Bow Wow is all growns up with an Ice-T ponytail.

Just a thought on Green Day. My 12 year old sister doesn’t believe me when I tell her that Green Day became huge when I was her age—that was 10 years ago. She doesn’t really know about Looney Tunes either. She probably doesn’t even know Hanna Barbera. She also didn’t believe that Michael Jackson used to be black.

Do you think Jaime Foxx will mention his grandmother when he presents the Video of the Year? From Booty Call to Oscar Winner…amazing. Destiny’s Child is definitely singing one of their lines. They always do. I’m thoroughly disappointed that they didn’t sing one of their lines. The on-stage girl in the magenta dress is disgustingly tall. They had to throw in a war reference.

Oh hell yes! Kelly Clarkson! I hope the girls from Laguna Beach come on and sing along just like they did in the limo. I still laugh out loud each time I see that scene. Big ups to Kelly Clarkson for being the only mega star from American Idol. I almost willing to forget the From Justin to Kelly ever happened. I wonder what Justin Guarini is up to these days…

Thanks for being so patient on my updates. I promise I’ll have a real article with coherent thoughts as opposed to these jogging journals and random thoughts.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Random Thoughts

Hey folks. I know it has been awhile, but I finally have an update for you. This post isn’t going to have any real direction, so just stay with me please.

The Fighting Ligers challenged the undefeated team tonight from Monday night kickball. They played 2 fewer games than we did, so their undefeated record is somewhat misleading. The Minneapolis Parks & Rec decided that we should have a one game playoff to decide Target kickball supremacy. Naturally, we won. The score was 2-0. Guess who scored both runs. Yep, you guessed it. It was a total team effort, however, I am an ass; I’m going to give myself credit where credit is due. I only batted twice, but I lead-off both times and got on base like I was supposed to. My teammates did some excellent kicking and getting me home twice. I’ve only been at Target for 7 weeks and I’m already on top of the intramural world. My life is complete. The only reason I’m even still working is because it’s the only way I can stay on top of the intramural world.

I’ve gotten complaints from some people that I only talk about random stuff I see on TV. I’m sorry that I’m not cool as all of you people. I can’t go partying every night. I don’t have 3000 bars from which to choose every night, nor do I have the economic resources to fund going to a bar every night. I choose to enjoy the comforts of the television. It is both cheap and entertaining. I feel no shame in that. While we’re on the subject of bars…There are a couple bars in Minneapolis that offer free drinks on Friday and Saturday night for a certain period of time. I find this to be absolutely amazing. Tonic offers free drinks from 10-11 on Friday and Saturday night for a $5 cover. That’s cheap. The drinks there are really strong, too. The Lone Tree offers free drinks on Saturday night from either 9 or 9:30 until 10:30, and they do not charge a cover. Their drinks, however, are not as strong as the drinks at Tonic.

I think Bill Simmons talks about Boston too much. I know he is from Boston, but it’s getting to the point where I start to roll my eyes as soon as he mentions Boston. I don’t care if he makes comparisons to some Boston things, but it gets annoying when he writes paragraphs about Boston subjects. I really wish he would do more mailbags and do that E-mail thing with Chuck Klosterman again. That was nasty.

I like Scoop Jackson. He has a unique writing style.

I just saw Kelly Monaco in Maxim. She is hot.

I’m in the middle or reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. Did you know the US ran a war game around 2000 or 2001? I’m going to sum it up for you. They put a retired general or colonel or something like that as the leader of the enemy. It was the US versus a Middle Eastern power that was headed by a dictator. The retired guy was awesome and he sank like 14 ships and aircraft carriers. He pretty much won. Can you guess what the US did? They basically reset the game. The ships magically weren’t sunk anymore, and the enemy had a limit on the weapons and missiles they could use. Not surprisingly, the US won the war game the 2nd time around because, well, they cheated. They used this as proof that they were going to win in the Middle East. And you wonder why so many soldiers are dying.

I’m going to start buying lotto tickets. If I win, I’m going to take all my friends on a sick vacation. We’re going to get our own private villas and just go crazy. I’m also going to invite LC, Stephen, Lo, Trey, Dieter, Talan, Jessica, and Lindsay Lohan’s mom. Lindsay Lohan can come if she gets her normal hair color back and puts on that weight that she lost in an effort to be thinner than the Olsens. Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn, Ron Livingston, Patrick Van Horn, Alex Desert, and Doug Liman will also be invited. For those of you who don’t know the aforementioned reality stars, actors, or director, then you truly don’t know me. Brad Pitt will be welcome as well; he’s the coolest. I also want to invite all the people from Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive. I especially want to see the Honorable Alexander Clifford. He’s the son of the 14th Baron the Lord Thomas Hugh John Clifford of Chudleigh, Devon. That cracks me up. He also looks really goofy. Haley Giraldo and Kourtney Kardashian are also invited. They are hot. They’re so spoiled and funny. I’d give them so much shit. Anyway, we’d just go crazy on some tropical island. It’d be nuts. My ideas are too outlandish to put down in writing.

The music on Laguna Beach is nasty. They really should let us know the songs they play, like what they do on the WB. They tell you the artists that had songs on that episode. They just played Screaming Infidelities by Dashboard Confessional, another old Dashboard classic about heartbreak. Alex is stalking Jason. What a psycho. Casey gets uglier by the episode. God help her if she doesn’t marry someone rich or inherit her parents’ money, because she seems really stupid and will never make it on her own.

Whoa! Hilary Duff video with that catchy song from the Kohl’s commercial. I’m pretty happy…except there was no LC or Stephen on this episode.

This girl on My Super Sweet 16 is annoying as hell. If she were my kid, I’d smack her. No party. What kind of parents let their children act like that? How do you even raise your kids to get to that point?

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

So Long Sweet Summer

So long sweet summer
I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays
So long sweet slumber
I fell into you now you're gracefully falling away
Hey thanks, thanks for that summer

Those are some lyrics from an old Dashboard Confessional song, when he was just a depressed acoustic solo act singing a ton of songs about how his girlfriend crushed his heart. I really hope a girl crushes his heart again so that there might be a chance that he ditches his band and writes a slew of new songs about heartbreak.

Anyway, the reason I posted those lyrics is because I started thinking about summer today while I was changing classes at The Corporation. (Yes, I did say I was changing classes. Training period at The Corporation is like high school. There are even cliques.) I became very aware of where I was and what I was doing. My mind did a lot of wandering today, and I started wishing I was 19 again or 16 or any other age that didn't really have any responsibility.

I can remember (well, barely remember 2000, 2002, and 2003) all my favorite summers: 2003, 2002, 2000, and basically any summer when I was a little kid. I worried about what we were going to call The Landing on the Moon party (2002) and The Pipeline (2003) party and how we were going to ensure the absence of police. I worried about keeping my friends from doing stupid things like chopping down Elden Campbell's tree.

My reasons for working during the summer included the following: drinking money, spending money, building up a cache of money for when I go back to college because I knew I wouldn't be working as much in Ann Arbor, and my dad stopped giving me an allowance. My jobs were easy. During the summers, I worked on the cleanup crew for a bakery and as a camp counselor. At the bakery, the girls were hot, the guys were cool, and I got free baked goods. At camp, I just swam with kids all day and got a tan.

Those were the good days. We still had Pepsi Stuff that we actually used (lawn chairs), and stain-resistor Dockers just came out. In order to demonstrate their effectiveness, my buddy poured beer onto his pants instead of my cup. My summer days consisted of going to work, working out, and seeing where we'd be drinking that night. Old School came out and launched a thousand quotes, not to mention Will Ferrell's movie career and a whole slew of Ferrell/Vaughn/Stiller/Wilson brothers movies. During the 2002 World Cup, we'd stay up all night to watch the games live at 3 AM. There was fuzzy leopard underwear and stupid high school girls. "Fine, I'll ask her. You want me to ask her? Ma'am where do the high school girls hang out around here?" We threw the greatest party imaginable to celebrate the 33rd anniversary of Neil Armstrong landing on the moon. There was Foos Fest at Walker's house. Three foosball tables, lots of booze, lots of food, and a whole bunch of jobless mid to late twenty-somethings getting hammered. We got too drunk to finish the tournament. I'd wake up on one of Alexander's couches every other morning, hung over half the time, and his dad would wake me up and ask me to play craps. There was so much else that happened that I either don't remember or don't care to tell, but I know it was awesome.

I know that last paragraph was all over the place, but that's what summer's are about. I'm sure all of you can put together a paragraph of highlights from all your greatest summers too. Unfortunately, I realized today that summers like these are probably over. Don't get me wrong. I have a good time on hanging out with friends and going out on weekends, but my routine of craziness pretty much every day of the week during the summer is over. It's also a little different and depressing when I find myself debating whether to save my money this weekend for groceries instead of bars, or whether I should invest in a house and pay a mortgage instead of rent. Yeah, let that go through your head. That sucks.

Sometimes I wonder if I should've just taken a year off before working. I could've hung out with all my best friends who are still in college. (NOTE: My friends are not stupid 5th or 6th year seniors. They are all one year younger than me.) I wouldn't mind making sure that they don't chop down another of Elden Campbell's trees. Oh well.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Tyrese: Singer, Actor, Art Enthusiast

I saw Tyrese’s house on Cribs today. Unbelievable hilarity. His taste in art is unparalleled. He should head up the Louvre or something. He is a modern day d’Medici. He commissioned a mural of the last supper…but instead of Jesus and the 12 apostles, he had dead black musicians. They were on the mural in this order from left to right: Bob Marley, Aaliyah, Tupac, Marvin Gaye, Notorious B.I.G., Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes, Jam Master J, and Barry White. This mural, entitled “Remember,” took up an entire wall in a room of his house. It honestly looked like it should have been painted on the side of some building in LA or New York. Marvin Gaye was in the center wearing a crown of thorns because Tyrese thinks of him as the Jesus of music. No joke. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, he takes us into his workout room and decides to show us another painting he had commissioned. Tyrese tells us he has dreams, and one dream he had was Malcolm X baptizing Tupac. HAHAHA. I literally just laughed out loud as I typed that and recalled the painting. This painting was called “What if.” What if Malcolm X baptized Tupac? I was in awe. Although this painting was not as big as the mural, it definitely looked like the same guy painted it and should’ve been on the side of a building in LA or New York. There were also some other funny things about Tyrese’s house. Before entering the family room, there is a rug that says Rese’s Love Lounge or Rese’s Love Room. I’m not sure which one it is, but either of them are really funny. He also had a 100% wolf fur jacket. I’m sure he wears it a lot in southern California. He also put it on and started howling like a wolf. I forgot what else was funny because my short term memory has failed me once again, but Tyrese’s crib is a must-see.

I was also watching the 101 Most Shocking Moments in Entertainment on E!, and I came across the most interesting commercial. There is a new show called Wild On Tara hosted by (yes, you guessed it) Tara Reid! Poor girl. Her career is truly down the toilet now. She is hosting Wild On for E!! Has she just given up on trying to find acting roles? She couldn’t find another Van Wilder or American Pie type movie? I have a feeling we’re going to see her on Playboy or Penthouse very soon. A sex tape may even be in the works. I bet Carson Daly doesn’t feel all that bad now about being dumped by her while they were engaged. He at least has his own late night show on NBC. By the way, I went to a live taping of one of his shows back in January. Colin Quinn and Pauly Shore were the guests. Colin Quinn sucked as always. He is not funny at all. How the hell did he become a comedian? Pauly Shore, however, was hysterical.

I’m going to end this post with a little self-glorification. The Fighting Ligers kickball team won their doubleheader on Thursday night to become Thursday night intramural kickball champions! I went to four intramural finals at Michigan, but I was never able to make that final leap to the top. After joining The Corporation, I am proud to say that I’ll finally be able to wear a championship t-shirt that I didn’t have to steal. That's right...I'm not really an intramural soccer champion at the University of Michigan. It's okay though, because I'm a kickball champion.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Jogging Journal

I decided to do a running diary for tonight’s show, but I decided that “running diary” is overused. I’m calling it my jogging journal. Yes, it’s lame. I know this. I don’t care. I’m a big fan of alliteration. This is my blog. Start your own blog if you think you can come up with something better, or just post something in the comments. And without further ado…

8:59 What is the deal with Kristin's hair in the previews. One scene it's short, the next it's long. Either it's later in the season or she got extensions; I'm hoping for the former. Either way, it's much better long. Taylor is unattractive. I think Jessica is hotter.

9:00 I still like LC's voice better for narrating. I need a massage. Like like like like like like try not to say "like" all the time. They almost got a shot of like Jessica's boobs.

9:02 Yeah Hilary Duff. What a unique way to spell your name.

9:04 Stephen slept over, AND got breakfast from LC. It's official. I love LC. Hot, rich, and cool as hell. I wish I had surfed while I was in California last summer. Taylor's face looks like that of the cryptkeeper from the HBO classic series
Tales from the Crypt.

9:06 What the hell is the deal with the bubble jacket with a skirt? I wonder if it's Northface. She's probably destined for Markley Hall at the University of Michigan, but she better change the color from pink to black if she wants to fit in. Dave & Buster's...awesome place for shuffleboard.

9:10 Rachel McAdams is hot. I'm a huge fan. She's an awesome actress. So versatile. She plays a bitch in
Mean Girls, I didn't watch The Notebook, plays a sweet girl-next-door type in Wedding Crashers, and will soon be tackling an action role in Redeye. I think Cillian Murphy is great by the way. He's so evil. You pronounce his name like the beer Killian's. You pronounce the word "kill" in his name. That's evil. I watched some good movies this weekend-The Island and Wedding Crashers. That means I saw the previews for the Reese Witherspoon movie called Just Like Heaven. Absolutely amazing premise. Reese plays a ghost. A guy rents out her old apartment and she starts haunting him. Since it's a romantic comedy, they're obivously going to end up together...EVEN THOUGH SHE IS A DEAD GHOST! AMAZING! Who approved this script?

9:14 I wonder what time it is during filming. I thought you had to be over 21 after a certain time to be in Dave & Buster's. Why are these girls having poker parties? Do you think they actually play? I don't. I still don't like Casey. Way too fake for me. I'd be very angry if someone smeared fake blood on my window.

9:17 Nice product placement for Doritos. HOLY CRAP! Doritos is on automatic caps in MS Word! The guy who spoke at my commencement helped develop spellcheck. He was pretty boring, but got huge cheers once we found out about his contribution to spellcheck. Anyway, the Doritos bag is sitting perfectly upright, as if it were just another passenger.

9:20 I need a Hilary Duff commercial for Kohl's and Candies. "Wake up, wake up...London, Paris, maybe Tow-key-yo." It's so catchy.

9:23 Fame has definitely gotten to Kristin's head. She's super bitch. Stir up some drama Taylor. If she wasn't around Jason and Alex, how does she know that they were talking about Jessica?

9:26 Lo looks like she gained a gut at school. I still think she's awesome at life though. Well the conversation between Lo and LC was probably the most forced situation ever.

9:27 Hahahaha. Why does she alway ask Jason to swear on their relationship? He obviously doesn't care. She's so stupid. Hahahaha. Jason just made her drive herself to a dinner date. This girl needs to get herself together. I think if he clubbed her in the knee, she's still stick by him.

9:29 Holy crap! Back-to-back episodes!

9:30 OK I was fooled. They shouldn't say "next on Laguna Beach." They should say "next TIME on Laguna Beach." I can't believe there wasn't a Hilary Duff commercial.