Friday, December 30, 2005

Thursday Night at the Blackout Mecca

Editor’s Note: Read Chunky Salsa to see the stipulations for this blog-off.

Rick’s Jewish-American Café. Oh the memories…or lack thereof. Well, I guess there are a few things I can vaguely remember…

When my friend asked me which bar he should go to when he visited Ann Arbor, I directed him to Rick’s…although I told him that I was so blacked out every time I went there that I don’t remember whether that specific night was good.

Whenever I’d see my friends after Rick’s, a comment along the lines of, “Carlo…I saw you at Rick’s (insert # of days/weeks ago). You were so wasted. You couldn’t stand. (Insert person’s name) was holding you up,” wouldn’t be so uncommon.

There was also the night I thought I couldn’t find my jacket, so I “borrowed” two other jackets, only to find my jacket within ten seconds of “borrowing” those other jackets. This in turn caused a chain reaction of people “borrowing” other jackets.

I also remember drinking Bacardi & Cola heavily with Ben and heading to what we dubbed The Blackout Mecca (He called it the Mecca. I added Blackout to the title after I turned 21. We were such a creative force back in times of peace.), only to see him puss out and leave early (probably just a little after the stroke of midnight) without telling anyone.

Lastly, I remember going there on Thursdays to avoid the gargantuan underage line at Scorekeepers. This is why Thursday nights are better than Saturday nights. I mean seriously…the same people that went there on Thursday night were probably back there on Saturday night, with the diehards probably there on Wednesday night too. From my blurry recollection, I remember seeing the same hoed out girls and chachy (Or is it chochy? Does this word even really exist?) guys there both nights. I raise a toast to you, Thursday night.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Victory is Mine

I would like to start this blog by extending my deepest gratitude for all your votes in the inaugural blog-off. As I predicted, I easily destroyed Clean Taco. I captured 64% of the popular vote. I also want to address being called out for critiquing every point from Clean Taco and the resulting uniform posting time. I did tell Clean Taco that I wanted to post at the same time. I told him to be patient and wait, but he went and posted anyway. Since he was too excited and couldn’t keep his pen in his pants, I had to make him pay. If he disputes this fact, I have DeadAIM and our conversation was automatically logged. Don’t mess with The Dirty Burrito. Anyhow, from a suggestion by Rachelle, a new blog-off subject has been dished out by Chunky Salsa. This should be up around January 1 or 2.

I was on my way to see the DM9 JaymeSyfu office where I’ll be spending my next three months as a messenger boy and coffee-maker, and Coldplay’s latest song played on the radio. I thought it was a pretty catchy tune, but there was a part of me that wanted to hate it. There is just something about Coldplay that makes me want to dislike them. Maybe it’s Chris Martin naming his daughter Apple. I’m not really sure, but Coldplay remains one of those things in life I enjoy but absolutely despised just a few years ago. Their music is just so catchy.

Another musician that falls in the same category of enjoyable things that I used to dislike—Kelly Clarkson. She was an American Idol. I thought her career was going down the toilet after “A Moment Like This” and the box office sensation From Justin to Kelly. Unfortunately for me, she came out with Breakaway. With hits like “Since U Been Gone” and “Behind These Hazel Eyes” being played nonstop on the radio, it was hard not to notice her musical talent. I tip my figurative hat to you, Kelly Clarkson.

Reality TV is another thing in life that I thoroughly enjoy, but used to dislike. My significant other, who I will now label The S.O. because I think she has been mentioned in at least 3 blog entries, loved reality TV and I thought it was sick. But then, a little show called Laguna Beach: The Real O.C. entered my life. High school love triangles, beaches, excellent music, Kelly Clarkson tunes every other episode, and high school girls…errr, I mean 18 year old LEGAL high school girls. (Don’t jump on your high horse and pretend I’m some sick freak checking out high school girls. I know for a fact that every guy who watched this show held debates as to whether LC or Kristin was hotter in the first season, checked out Jessica’s boobs in the second season, and checked out every girl that wore a bikini. Ladies, I know many of you thought Jason and Talan were cute, and that you thought the guys from the third season are “hotties.”)This show changed my view on reality TV forever. I started watching anything reality, even a show about rich kids on a cattle drive. I started watching the Real World/Road Rules Challenge again. In an instant, I turned into the greatest proponent of reality television ever.

One last thing I’d like to mention before I break to collect my thoughts for the next showdown—the Miami Vice movie. Since I was between the ages of 1 and 6 when it aired, I’m not going to pretend that I watched the show in the 80s, though I do remember watching the opening credits. However, this preview does look sweet. At the very least, the movie is worth seeing for another butchering of an American accent by Colin Farrell…and his hair.

Until next time…

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The Inaugural Showdown: Lauren Conrad vs. Jessica Smith

It seems that Clean Taco has taken the offensive and put forth an argument worthy of use in a Twenty-First Century Pop Culture 101 paper. If I were the professor in this fictional class, I would undoubtedly fail him. His paper would’ve been filled with red ink comments. He was tasked with “arguing that Jessica is the better character” (Chunky Salsa et al.), but in his opening paragraph states that he “doesn’t dislike LC.” I think that already warrants a loss. He can’t even fully back up Jessica.

I’m going to have to disagree with Clean Taco when he says that Jessica is the perfect girlfriend. There is a reason that Jason only stayed with Jessica for a few months, but is still supposedly going steady (sorry…had a Saved By The Bell flashback and needed to use old school phrase) with LC.

Jessica is a major pushover, and LC sticks up for herself. There isn’t much to be said about a girl who allows others to walk all over her. Sure she has huge breasts. That’s cool, but what else can she bring to a relationship? Who remembers that crazy argument in the limo with Jason after Winter Formal? I know I wouldn’t want to deal with that crazy biatch, not if all she can bring to the table is her rack and a community college degree.

Take a look at LC. The girl stuck up for herself after Jason made her look foolish during the fashion show (though not as foolish as Talan singing). LC keeps things interesting because of her tenacity. She isn’t willing to accept crap in life. That is why she now has her own show and gets to go to all the glamorous Hollywood events, and Jessica gets to go to White Trash Community College. Guys don’t want a pushover like Jessica. We want someone like LC that keeps things fresh. If you don’t think Jessica looks like she came from the trailer, check the picture in the upper left hand corner of this post.

I’m also going to have to discredit some aspects of the points system he set forth.

The Stephen Factor: This is reserved for a Kristin vs. LC discussion.

Knockers: I suppose I’m OK with that. Can anyone really compete with those double D’s?

House: LC lives in a hilltop mansion and Jessica lives in a trailer (figuratively speaking of course.)

Non-man shoulders: We know Clean Taco is a staunch Republican because he found the one picture to make his point valid and twisted the truth. I’m sure I could find pictures of man shoulders for every female on that show, especially Alex M. because she is fairly mannish.

Name: Touché my friend. Touché. Jessica is indeed my girlfriend’s name, so I cannot and will not put forth an argument as she has the same extremely attractive beauty and tenacity as LC.

Personality: I’m OK with this category; however, I score this one for LC.

Hotness: I’m OK with this category as well, but again I pick LC. If you have any doubts, please refer to the previously mentioned picture in the top left corner.

After removing the ludicrous (no doubt Clean Taco would've spelled it "ludacris") categories of The Stephen Factor and Non-man Shoulders from the equation, LC dramatically comes from behind to win a 3-2 decision. Clean Taco loses in life and on the web.

I would also like to address some of the criteria laid down by Chunk Salsa just to needlessly strengthen my case. Think of it as the mid-90s Florida Gators led by Steve Spurrier needlessly running up the score on a helpless South Carolina Gamecocks squad.

I think my grammatical structure is far superior to that of Clean Taco. His most glaring and obvious mistake is that he incorrectly used “effecting” instead of “affecting.” He should go to community college with Jessica.

Chunky Salsa…I think it was worth your time to google images of Jessica and LC because you got to see a large rack in Jessica and a beautiful female specimen in LC.

I included a specific show reference when I mentioned the limousine argument between Jessica and Jason.

Until next time…

Monday, December 19, 2005

The Competition

Laguna Beach is on hiatus, I have no clue when The Hills is going to air, and MTV Asia isn’t showing The Gauntlet II yet. Though this sounds like the apocalypse for The Dirty Burrito, a new challenge has come across my path: a blog-off. My friend Benjamin “I Have No Creativity And I Can Only Make Sister Jokes” Comstock has created The Clean Taco to rival mine. Furthermore, as a sign of his ineptness in the creative sphere, he named his blog “Clean Taco.” First of all, he didn’t put “The” in front of the name. This implies that there are other Clean Tacos that are far superior to his. Secondly, he couldn’t even incorporate any creative alliteration in his name like “Tidy Taco.” Lastly, I wouldn’t have picked such a weak Mexican food. If he really wanted to rival me, he would’ve picked a chimichanga, which is a deep fried burrito. It’s got some kick.

In the coming months, Ben and I will be sporadically facing off on random subjects. Some have been saying this will be like the Gauntlet III and have even compared me and Ben to Ruthie and Alton. Ben…you are NOT black. I also take offense to being compared to Ruthie as I am not a raging alcoholic. I don’t think The Gauntlet is an apt comparison since it is a team competition and this is a one-on-one match up. I see this more as Ali vs. Frazier, Bird vs. Magic, Borg vs. McEnroe, Cruise vs. Shields, and if the gods are gracious--Spears vs. Federline.

In the spirit of me naming things with “The”, such as The Dirty Burrito, The Corporation, The Island, and other things to come, I will dub this “The Competition.” The Competition will be moderated by Chunky Salsa, Jesse Missad, who will remain an unbiased mediator. He will take suggestions, set deadlines, and settle disputes.

The Competition commences this week with a Jessica vs. LC blog-off. Though Clean Taco likes LC, which I respect, he seems to have a special place in his heart for Jessica’s double D’s.

If you would like to check out the competition and moderator, check out:

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I'm Back

Hello again. I am providing a short update to let you know I arrived in the Philippines on Thursday evening. I sat next to some sketchy 49 year old white dude who led me to believe he was a doctor because he was starting a free clinic in the mountain regions. After some reluctant banter, he told me he was just a mechanic who hired the people that worked the clinic and was the provider of supplies. He also stared at me numerous times during the 18 hour trip, and I think he was watching me fill out my customs form as I had to refer to my passport for some information. I told my uncles the story and told them he was going to some region called Segada, and they proceeded to tell me that he is probably an addict because that place is rife with marijuana.

Anyhow, I will be going on a trip this weekend, and I will try to provide you with a more comprehensive update if there is wireless access. It is also looking like I may have to learn to drive around here. This means I'm probably going to get into an accident and/or get lost. Wish me luck. Also, when I go to Google, the language automatically reverts to Filipino...sweeeeet...I'm definitely returning with a pink mohawk and break dancing skills.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

In Limbo

According to Italian media reports on Tuesday, an international theological commission will advise Pope Benedict to eliminate the teaching about limbo from the Catholic catechism.

The Catholic Church teaches that babies who die before they can be baptized go to limbo, whose name comes from the Latin for “border” or “edge,” because they deserve neither heaven nor hell.

Last October, seven months before he died, Pope John Paul II asked the commission to come up with “a more coherent and enlightened way” of describing the fate of such innocents.

That excerpt was from the Reuters story out of the Vatican City. I did not even realize we had a place called limbo because my Catholic school teachers told me that babies who aren’t baptized automatically go to heaven. They also told me the Jews killed Jesus. (Those were not their exact words but they did say that Pontius Pilate and the Romans did not kill him, so it was either the Jews or perhaps the Germans or Stalin. Who knows?) In high school, they tried to force it down our throats that the death penalty is bad. I don’t believe in the death penalty, but let people have an opinion. You have to love Catholic school--great for brainwashing.

In recent years, particularly after I watched the movie Dogma, I have come to question many of the practices of my Catholic faith. Why do we raise money to build a new marble baptismal font when the current marble baptismal font looks great and we could give money to the poor? (I only give money directly to charities and not to the Church for this very reason.) There is the whole sexual abuse debacle, which I’m sure has been going on for centuries, but the issue only exploded recently. I always wondered what makes the Pope infallible. Supposedly, he follows in the footsteps of Peter as the rock upon which God builds the Church, but he is just a man. If G-Dub had been Catholic and taken a different path in life, he could’ve been Pope George I. He could have been infallible. He might have said that intelligent design is fact, and we Catholics would have had to accept that because he is infallible. (Side note: I read a good counter-argument to intelligent design on some humor website. Yeah, a humor website. But it was a good argument. If the world is so complex that a greater being had to have a hand in how things evolved, who created the greater being? Who created the creator of the greater being? This could go on forever, but a very good point to you crazy right wing conservative nuts.) Pope G-Dub I is quite scary if you think about it.

Back to the limbo issue. The whole concept of faith in a set of beliefs and doctrines is undermined if the authoritative body can just turn around and say “Yo, let’s not teach that limbo thing anymore. Let’s think of something else to explain where unbaptized babies go.” I’m not a theologic scholar, but this limbo thing sounds pretty much the same as purgatory. If the Catholic Church can change its mind on limbo, who is to stop them from saying “You know what? The idea of purgatory kind of sucks. Let’s scrap it and think of a new way to describe the purification of the soul after death.”

I found an interesting theory on purgatory in Chuck Klosterman’s Killing Yourself To Live: 85% Of A True Story (I’m only one-third of the way through, but it’s brilliant so far). Anyway, I bet they could take his theory of purgatory and apply it. “I’ve had a theory that life on earth is purgatory…It’s almost like we’re all Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense, but nobody on ‘earth’ has figured this out yet, even though it will suddenly seem obvious when we get to the end.” He thinks the amount of time you spend on earth is inversely proportional to how good you were in a previous life. “For example, infants who die from SIDS were actually great people when they were alive ‘for real,’ so they get to go to heaven after a mere five weeks in purgatory. Meanwhile, anyone Willard Scott ever congratulated for turning 102 was obviously a terrible individual who had many, many previous sins to pay for and had to spend a century in his or her unknown purgatory (even though the person seemed perfectly wholesome in this particular world).

I think it is an intriguing theory, but I think you’d really have to loathe your existence on this earth to truly accept it. Also, I just realized the Church can’t use this theory to teach purgatory because it conflicts with the fact that the “Kingdom of God” that Jesus mentions numerous times in the Gospels is actually earth—unless of course my Catholic school teachers were once again incorrect.

Until next time…

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Stuck in Purgatory

I started writing a jogging journal for the finale, but I couldn’t ridicule all these kids while they cried about how much they’d miss one another and Laguna. I also couldn’t comment on any drama since it was essentially a farewell episode since there will be a completely new cast for Season 3. I decided I’d just enjoy the last episode with the originals and see what would come to me. I totally ended up on a tangent.

The conversation LC and Stephen had about her move to L.A. really hit a chord with me. She talked about how her previous move to San Francisco was horrible because she was so scared, freaked out and unexcited, but she says her move to L.A. will be different because she is really excited and ready for the opportunity. My move to Minneapolis was pretty much the same. I was a little scared, but who isn’t a little scared to start out on his/her own? I think I just lacked enthusiasm for the opportunity out there. I made some mistakes while I was there, and I feel like I’ve learned from them. I’m obviously not going to know whether I have until my next full-time job, but I do feel excited for what lies ahead. I relish the next opportunity, whatever it may be.

Kristin’s whole attitude about leaving Laguna was something to which I could relate. She couldn’t stop talking about how cool and exciting it was going to be when she finally leaves Laguna, but then the time actually came to leave and it wasn’t anything like she thought. I feel like this happens to me a lot in life. Expectations are rarely met. There is all this build up and idealized expectations, but when you finally attain something it feels empty. For example, I’m looking into buying a new digital camera. I’ve narrowed down my choices to 2-3 cameras based on style and price. I am now researching all the performance reviews. It is by no means a difficult task, but it does take time. I feel extremely excited to get this new camera, and I have all these ideas in my head about how I’m going to take all these awesome pictures to document my life. The problem is that deep down, I know it’s just a camera and I probably won’t use it half as much as I think I will.

Maybe this is where I fail. I worked so hard to get through school and get a decent paying job, but after graduation I couldn’t help but feel lost. I got what I had been working for all these years, but once it was in my hands I just didn’t feel enthusiasm. I felt like something was missing. I was missing my raison d’etre. What is my passion, my reason for being? What am I doing with my life? I thought college would help me find that something, but it only distracted me from finding it.

I feel like I’m stuck in a post-graduation purgatory. I’m not completely damned to the track of perpetual dead end jobs, but I’m also not on any heavenly career path. I’m just lingering in post-college unemployment, trying to find what drives me. I have a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson in my AIM profile that goes, “None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone.” I once had an elementary teacher lecture us on the difference between listening and hearing: listening is just hearing with action. I feel like I am hearing the whisper, but I’m not really listening. I have all these goals and aspirations, but I haven’t quite found that thing that drives me to go out and grab it.

To view my situation in another way, there is something good in never being satisfied. Reaching for that next better thing is a good motivator. I would probably end up living an uneventful life if I was satisfied with finding security and settling for that 3% pay increase every year. Maybe my expectations not being met is a necessary evil in life. I’ll always have something toward which I can work.

I apologize if you were expecting a Laguna Beach update because I was also. I sensed that many of you are going through the same frustrations as me, and you could probably relate. However, I will say that I am extremely excited about The Hills, so excited that I may have to cut short my return to The Island if the show starts before I get back. Well, I’ll do that or just watch MTV Overdrive.

Until next time…

Monday, November 14, 2005

We Love the Drama

Me: Do you watch Laguna Beach?

Sis: Ummm…I watched a couple minutes of it today, but I didn’t like it. That show is too fake.

Me: Horrified look of disbelief and simultaneously thinking we’re not related.

Me: Do you like Kristin or LC?

Sis: My friends say Kristin…?

Me: Even more horrified look of disbelief and completely disowning my sister.

Okay, so I won’t disown my sister. She is only 12, and it’s probably better that she and the rest of her middle school cohorts don’t get exposed to all the drama and hooking up of Laguna Beach. But why are we so addicted to this show that we consistently place it in the Top 10 for basic cable shows and have made celebrities out of most, if not all, of the cast?

We love the drama!

A consistent theme that runs through the show is that the cast members are always trying to get away from the drama. In Season 1, Kristin went to Cabo to get away from all the drama even though every person from Laguna was going there for Spring Break. I don’t know how she thought she’d get away from the drama—silly high school junior. This season, LC saw Jason kissing Jessica and said something like, “I’m not in high school anymore, I shouldn’t have to put up with this stuff anymore”—silly college freshman.

Unfortunately, none of us are ever going to escape the drama. Ben Franklin should’ve included it in his quote about death and taxes.

So why do we love the drama on Laguna Beach? We get to witness the drama that every one of us has experienced or is experiencing, and we don’t even have to feel the ugly consequences. Each of us can relate to a story arc or situation from that show because we went through it sometime during high school or college, maybe some of us are experiencing it now, or maybe we know someone going through it. Here are some examples:

- Stephen and Kristin Post-Breakup (Season 2)

Who hasn’t gone through that whole situation? Do you remember the awkwardness on the beach when Stephen first returned from San Francisco? I’m sure about 90% of us went through some serious break up with a significant other. You talk and try to remain cordial, but deep down you both know it’s all fake. (Go listen to Dashboard’s “Standard Lines” and that will totally describe the situation. “So which of these standard lines will we use? I’ve been meaning to call you, but I’ve just been so busy. We’ll catch up soon.”) At a certain point, you do actually get together to catch up and it ends up being just like that scene on the beach. Awkward silence and leaving pissed off and disappointed. Both of you have changed, and that dynamic isn’t there anymore. We got to relive it vicariously through Stephen and Kristin, but we didn’t have to feel the disappointment. We talked about how awkward it was, how Stephen was being a dick, and how Kristin was being a bitch. We were entertained by it!

- LC, Stephen, and Kristin (Season 1)

Have any of you ever liked someone that was interested in someone else? If you didn’t say “yes,” then you are a liar. LIAR!!! It’s human nature. We want things we can’t have. It’s in the Bible. This woman, let’s call her “Eve,” screwed things for all MANkind by eating the forbidden fruit. (I’m not, to quote Jesse Spano, a “male chauvinist pig.” I just like to mess with the Womens’ Studies students out there.) Anyway, we’ve all been in LC’s shoes. Maybe you’ve even been in Kristin’s shoes. LC was totally crazy for Stephen even though he was in love with Kristin, and there really wasn’t anything she could do. Depending on who you rooted for in the LC vs. Kristin debate, you either empathized with LC or loathed her mere existence. You all know I’m a huge LC fan. Sure, some of it had to do with the fact that I empathized with her situation (mostly it was because I thought LC was hotter and Kristin is an annoying ditz), but I can also see why some of you would side with Kristin; maybe you’ve had that LC-type always going after your boyfriend or girlfriend. Either way, we were able to watch the situation unfold, engage in some lighthearted banter, but we didn’t have any of the hostility that LC and Kristin had between each other.

- Kristin and Stephen Fighting at the Bar in Cabo (Season 1)

If you have ever been in a drunken argument with your significant other at a bar, please raise your hand. Now that is drama…

- Finishing High School

Remember how psyched you were to finish high school? It was like a giant weight was lifted from your shoulder, and all you had left was college. You thought you could just go drink your way through, meet all these new people, and have the time of your life all while living off your parents’ mighty dollar. Well my friends, you were correct! But then college ended…Now we’re in the real world where you have to make your own way. Life really is kicking you in the ass now. You hate your job. You’re looking for a new one. This is where you have to step up, and that stresses out pretty much all of us. You saw the episodes last season where they’d talk about how exciting it was to go to college and how they couldn’t believe high school was over. I’m sure you’ve seen the previews for the season finale where Kristin is talking about how they’re finally going to college. When these people make a huge deal of the situation and talk about things like who they’re going to stay friends with, you can’t help but flashback to when you did that stuff. It’s like they’re having all the same conversations you had when you were finishing up high school. Part of you would relish the opportunity to go back to a time when that was the biggest deal of your life because it was so much simpler, and then reality kicks in and you realize that it would be really sad if that were still the biggest deal in your life and you are now in your early twenties. (Don’t worry, transitioning to life after high school is NOT the biggest thing that has happened to me in my life thus far. That award goes to never losing my keys (Jess) or vomiting in someone’s living room (Chelle) during college. JUST KIDDING!) Hopefully, most of us have moved on from the “who are we going to talk to after we graduate” phase, and we’re trying to figure out what we want to do with our lives so we can make something of ourselves. This is where it gets stressful, and for 30 minutes each week we watch those Laguna kids to take our minds off our horrible jobs and inability to find new likeable ones.

This is what I’ve come up with for why we love Laguna Beach. Hopefully I’m correct to some degree, or maybe I’m just full of crap and it’s just simply entertaining to watch. Regardless, the first two seasons of this show have been amazing. I hear they’re coming out with a third season, but I doubt it can be as good. Yes, the show was only semi-real, but I feel the third season is just going to be completely fake. It’s going to be like Real World, but in Laguna Beach. I’m sure they’ll have some new badass that cheats on everyone, a new blonde ditz, a super emotional punk chick with green hair and striped socks, a “secretly” gay person, a black guy who wants to be a musician, and some female minority that is a huge bitch. Do they even have non-Caucasians in that town? Maybe The Miz and Coral will show up to narrate the show. Who knows? At the very least, please stop Kristin from her horrible, monotone narration.

Sidenote: Personally, I’d like to see a Battle of the Seasons- Season 1 vs. Season 2. I would want Jonny Moseley and Dave Mirra to co-host. Obviously, there would be a bunch of questions about where crossovers such as Talan, Kristin, LC, and Stephen would go. I’m going Darrin’s Dance Grooves on you and breaking it down so you can do the moves at your own speed:

Season 1: LC, Stephen, Lo, Dieter, Trey, Christina, Morgan, Polster, Sam

Season 2: Kristin, Talan, Alex M., Alex H., Jessica, Jason, Cedric, Casey, Taylor

Why did I give Season 1 LC and Stephen? I felt they were more important to the show on Season 1. Why Polster and Sam? I needed to make it 9-v-9.

Why did Season 2 get Kristin and Talan? Kristin really elevated her star status on Season 2. Talan got way more airtime on this season. He even got to sing and ruin his music career before it even started.

Some competitions they could have:

- Who is a worse singer: Christina v Talan?

- Who is the more likeable friend of the main male character: Dieter v Cedric

- Narrator Jello Wrestling: LC v Kristin (This would be the Season Finale)

Until next time…

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Getting Back on the Boat

Hello my friends. I have returned. I again apologize for the long delay, but I was in New York over Halloween weekend honing my playground recreation skills as a member of the Average Joe’s dodgeball team.

As you know, I am currently deciding the path I want to take in life. After speaking to my uncle and mulling over my prospects, I decided that moving back to the motherland for four months to work was just too good to pass up.

You may be asking yourself how I came to this decision. The fact that my uncle has his own ad agency speaks volumes for what I can learn; he obviously knows his stuff. I did consider moving to New York to be closer to my lady friend and other friends and enjoy the vibrant life of the Big Apple. There are tons of jobs there, and I’m certain I could’ve landed one that would’ve paid enough to have an enjoyable lifestyle in terms of someone in his early twenties. I could’ve paid rent, been able to afford some groceries, and I would’ve gone out and lived it up. I also considered the California option, but that would’ve been much more difficult due to the distance. The travel expenses for finding jobs and moving would’ve been insane. Ultimately, I realized that all these stateside options will be there for me in the future. Even though I am probably the most Americanized Flip you’ll ever meet, I still hold a special place in my heart for The Island. I spent the first five formative years of my life there, and all of my family, the people who helped raise me, is all there. It was just too difficult for me to pass up the opportunity to go back to my birthplace and work in an industry in which I’ve been interested since I was 11. Though the trailer for the Real World/Road Rules The Gauntlet II, which starts on December 5, looked really awesome, something in my gut just kept telling me to go back.

Here are some other reasons for me to go:
- Laguna Beach would be on hiatus, so I wouldn’t be missing anything while I am gone.
- I would get to miss the winter.
- I would get to eat a lot of food and gain my weight back.
- I feel tall over there.
- I figured someone could teach me how to drive a manual transmission and learn foreign driving skills, and I could eventually become a cabbie in NYC if corporate America doesn’t work out for me.
- My US dollars have a lot of purchasing power.
- A plethora of new blog material.
- Hanging out with all my cousins. (Since I am the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family, I feel like my cousins just think I’m that old guy and when I see them again when they’re like 15 and I’m in my thirties, my uncles and aunts are going to say stuff like “Do you remember your cousin Carlo? He’s the oldest. He used to play with you when you were 3 years old.” I don’t want to be that guy, but I probably will be anyway. Oh well.)
- Vacation! I’m not starting until January since my immediate family will be there vacationing during December, and I intend to vacation with them.
- Maybe I’ll pick up some of the Asian skills I missed out on because I grew up in suburban Michigan. Maybe I’ll learn how to break dance, color my hair, do my hair into some Rufio haircut or some other crazy style, drive an import tuner (for those of you that don’t know, an import tuner is basically a tricked out Japanese car like on Fast and the Furious), Asian rap, become a professional Dance Dance Revolution player, or maybe just get smart and be able to do some really high level differential and integral calculus or some other really difficult scientific/numeric subject.

Anyhow, I’m going to hop back on the boat that I rowed to get to America and head back across the Pacific to the land named after King Philip II of Spain; the land that killed Ferdinand Magellan, the first man to circumnavigate the globe by boat; home of Amelda Marcos, infamous for her shoe collection (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m sure your parents do); and the birthplace of the modern yo-yo (if you don’t believe me, then search “yoyo” on Wikipedia and see “The yo-yo in modern times”).

I am embarking on December 14 and I plan to make my triumphant return to the United States in late March or early April. Until then, I am going to undertake a farewell tour. I am planning to meet up with all my old roommates in Ann Arbor the weekend of November 11. I am definitely reuniting with all my Dance Dance Revolution cronies and revisiting my old residence in Ann Arbor the weekend of November 18 for the UM vs. Ohio State game. Thanksgiving will be a glorious reunion with everyone as always. I plan on visiting New York December 7-12 to see my friend that is a girl one last time before I flee the country for four months.

You will receive a Jogging Journal, some sort of recap, or both for the Laguna Beach finale on November 14. Stay alert. Good night, and good luck.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Flowing with Randomness

Michael Jackson received a summons for jury duty in Santa Barbara. His lawyers are taking care of it because he apparently lives in Bahrain right now. What the hell is he doing in Bahrain? He must be into the exotic youngsters now. OK, bad joke. I apologize.

I was watching the new Sean Paul video for We Be Burnin, and I started to wonder. “Does Sean Paul really have that accent when he isn’t singing?” Have you ever heard Shaggy speak when he isn’t singing? He doesn’t have an accent! He turns it on for when he sings. There is also UB40, who sang Red Red Wine. They sound like they’re from the islands, but they are actually British. If only I had an accent…and musical talent…I’d be rich.

Speaking of being rich, I did not win the PowerBall jackpot last night so I am still not rich. Don’t worry because I only bought two tickets. I wasn’t one of those crazy fools who bought like $200 worth of tickets for a 1 in 146 million chance of matching all 6 numbers. Also, what is the deal with these suckers who played the numbers from Lost. I don’t watch Lost nor do I have anything against the show, but what the hell were those people thinking? Even if those numbers did show up, did they think that they’d be the only ones that thought of the genius idea to play those numbers?

You want to know who is lost...besides me, of course? Butch Walker. My friend, Alexander, discovered him the other day. I’m going to have to say Butch is even more depressing than Dashboard Confessional in the days when he was a solo acoustic act singing about how his girlfriend broke his heart. I’m telling you, Butch Walker is one tortured soul. I’m surprised he was able to stay away from killing himself and write music. Go check out his site at for music samples and his deeply depressing lyrics. It’s a cool site regardless of whether you like him.

Let’s talk about using a phrase that starts with “whether.” For example, in the last sentence of the previous paragraph, most people would have written “whether you like him or not.” I’ve learned that this is incorrect because “whether” implies there is another extreme. I’ll get off my soapbox now.

Since I’ve moved to Minneapolis, I’ve experienced extreme weight loss. I’ve lost 10 pounds and I’m down to 160 pounds; this was my weight when I was a 13 year-old 8th grader. I thought that was kind of weird because I expected to gain a gut just like my dad. I don’t want any of you to think I’m anorexic, bulimic, or spend 4 hours in the gym everyday. I still work out normally like I used to in college, but my old work schedule combined with not having a ton of money or a car have contributed to my diminished weight. When you are sitting in a cube all day trying to get your work done, you don’t really think about eating too much. I also don’t have a car, so I can’t get to a grocery store. I just take my diminished budget to the Target in downtown Minneapolis. I haven’t had fresh produce in months.

I’ve been spending a lot of my time watching the Food Network to get ideas for things to make once I move back home and have access to fresh produce and ingredients other than pasta, chicken, rice, and bread. My favorite shows are 30 Minute Meals with Rachael Ray, Good Deal with Dave Lieberman, Everyday Italian, Iron Chef (original, not the cheap American rip off), Emeril Live, and Unwrapped. There is so much awesome food. It’s also good to see Mark Summers still working. He deserves to be happy after providing so much joy for much of the youth of America in Double Dare and Family Double Dare. I know the Huffy Bikes and British Knights really made me want to be on the show.

If you want to read something embarrassing and funny about my childhood in the motherland, read the comment left by my 40 year-old aunt from the October 17 entry entitled I Need Direction. See you next update.

Monday, October 17, 2005

I Need Direction

Shakin’ booty making sweet love all the night

It’s time I got back to the good life

It’s time I got back

It’s time I got back

And I don’t even know how I got of the track

I wanna go back

- “The Good Life” by Weezer

You would think that not having a job would lead to me shakin’ booty and making sweet love all the night, every night. However, my self-imposed budget and existence of a significant other banded together to prevent all that from happening.

What I have to do now is get back on the track to employment. Now that I don’t have to show up to my cube every morning, I’ve been able to focus all my energy on finding the right employment. I didn’t know the job search could be so tedious. While I was in school last year, I just relied on the Career Center to provide me with on-campus interviews because it was really easy to just walk to their building. This time around, I’m searching everything from Monster to Career Builder to Vault and all the companies in between. I’ve applied to about fifty jobs, and submitted about twenty cover letters with my resume. Writing a cover letter is like writing a college paper—it blows.

So I applied to all these jobs and I even got replies from some of them, and I realized that I didn’t even really have an urge to work for most of the companies where I applied. I was just submitting my resume to places that sounded cool (MTV Networks) and entry level crap that sounded like it would pay a decent amount for minimal work (Chipotle). I took a step back and really thought about what I wanted to with my life. I didn’t want to end up at another job like Business Analyst at Target, where I was about to go insane.

I had to take a step back and look at what interested me, and what it came down to was advertising and marketing. I know I’ll probably have to work for peanuts for a few years, but I don’t think I’ll mind. Ever since my uncle brought me with him to work at McCann Erickson Philippines when I was 11, I always wanted to be in that business. Unfortunately, I got off the track somewhere along the way and chose to major in the exciting field of Economics. Maybe I should’ve laid off the booze and took some actual time to choose a major that would’ve helped me in advertising. I know what you’re thinking right now. “Carlo, why didn’t you just major in advertising?” The answer is that the University of Wolverines didn’t have the greatest array of majors, and somehow I chose to go into the exciting world of nominal interest rates and compensating wage differentials. See what I mean, it turned me into such a huge nerd that I just used those last two economic terms in my blog that is pretty much devoted to pop culture television.

Anyhow, I ended up applying to some large agencies in California, New York, and Michigan to get into media planning. That is where you get to do some research and decide what media outlets to use for ads. It may not sound too sweet to you, but it sounds sweet to me. And that’s the kicker right there. None of the jobs I was applying to were interesting to me. They only seemed interesting because I thought they’d give me a decent monetary payoff.

I just realized that I probably bored the hell out of a lot of you with the not so brief description of my thought process for my job search, so I’ll start talking about my random thoughts in the following paragraphs. Anyway, I guess the grand point I was trying to reach is that life is too short to stay in the wrong situations. The past four months that I worked just flew, and I was miserable for a good part of it. Let’s hope this advertising thing works out.

I was watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air a couple days ago and I had a revelation. The opening sequence where they roll the credits and Will Smith raps never changed in all the years (1990-1996 according to it was on the air. The only things that changed were when they added Ross Bagley because he played Nicky and the name switch for the actresses that played Aunt Viv. Even when his bright, baggy clothes went out of style, they never re-shot the scene. I found this interesting.

Does anyone else think that Iron Chef America is inferior to the original Iron Chef? It’s so ridiculous. It’s just not as interesting when it’s not dubbed.

I think Bill Simmons needs to stop talking about Boston.

I love how Scoop Jackson incorporates his dialect into his writing.

Can you believe Hatty hooked up with a 37 year old mom that has a teenager? What a crazy guy.

Does anyone watch hockey now that it’s back? I catch some random highlights on SportsCenter, but it’s not the same anymore. They might as well just put on some Arena Football highlights.

I finished The OC: The Complete First Season last week, and I'm not ashamed to say that I loved it.

Since Bush Senior and Bill Clinton are so tight nowadays, I would love to see them make a run for the White House together. Bush Senior would have to run for President because Clinton demolished him and already used up his two terms.

It’s 2:30 in the morning, and I’m finally getting sleepy. I will leave you with this question: What the heck happened to my “I heart Soccer Moms” t-shirt? I was going to wear that to my sister’s soccer games, but now I can’t because it mysteriously disappeared about a year ago.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Free At Last

Hey Guys,

I just wanted to let you all know that I resigned from The Corporation today. I would like to debunk all the rumors right now; I did not resign because William was better than me at dishing out random facts or that my horrid secondary play in Flag Football was undermining the legacy I had built as a championship Kickballer. I just didn't feel comfortable in the merchandising role.

You may or may not be asking yourselves, "What the hell is Carlo going to do with his life now that he doesn't have to sit in a cube all day?"

Though a rather large void will be left by sales forecasting and resolving inventory issues, I actually have a great task ahead of me: finding a new job. I know some of you thought I was just going to stay in my apartment all afternoon, watch daytime TV, drown in a pool of forties, and write incoherent thoughts in this blog. However, depending on how much of my disposable income I choose to spend on leisurely goods such as food, alcohol, retail purchases, KY Jelly, ninja classes, etc., I only have enough money to remain unemployed and solvent for about 5-7 months. I am concentrating on going back to Michigan and have already sent resumes to numerous companies, including Chipotle, which would be quite glorious since I am very knowledgeable about their products.

I will remain in Minneapolis for the next month or two. I will probably spend my time job-hunting, working out, cleaning, and most importantly—writing in this blog.

I will leave you with this quote from the immortal Charles Barkley.
On Magic Johnson's return to basketball: "We're just playing basketball. It's not like we're going out to have unprotected sex with Magic."



P.S. I am not completely holding myself to the state of Michigan for employment opportunities. If any of you have connections in California or NY, I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear from you even if you don’t have connections, but your friendship will immediately rise in value if you can provide me with a lead.

P.P.S. Mom and Dad, if you are reading this I resigned from my position on Thursday, October 6. I will not ask you for money….yet. I will be home soon. I know you will be very excited to see your first-born child, who saved you money by getting AP credits in high school and graduated college in 3.5 years, who got in some youthful trouble with alcohol but never got arrested, and picked up Michelle when you guys were really busy at work. I love you guys.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Two of My Favorite Writers

Greeting my loyal readers. This update will provide you with the links for two articles written by two of my favorite authors. If you haven't yet read Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, even though I've alluded to it multiple times, you'll finally get a taste of Chuck Klosterman. You'll also get a taste of Bill Simmons, who, on a daily basis, provides me with a joyful respite from the doldrums of The Corporation. A new update written by yours truly will come this weekend. Here are the links, and you must read them in the order I post them for the articles to make sense:

Saturday, September 24, 2005

The Dirty Burrito Returns

I’m back bitches. I’ve missed all of you dearly. I truly apologize for not having an update for the past 3 weeks or so. Work has sucked out the motivation and creative identity from my soul. It also hasn’t helped that Laguna Beach has sucked ass for the past few episodes. I was asked to do a jogging journal for LB, but I respectfully declined due to the fact that this season sucks compared to the first season. All you LB loyalists will agree that Season 1 rocked my bed and Season 2 just fell dead (Many of you didn’t know this, but I like to do rap battles on the weekends. There is a huge underground hip hop scene in Downtown Minneapolis).

Who saw the Divo last week on my Super Sweet 16? That was great. Bjorn (B-zhorn, not B-yorn as in Bjorn Borg) is hilarious. He was the gay, black version of Hart. Bjorn thought he was very fashion forward, and I’ll give him that. He was very unique. Hart thought he was fashionable because he popped his collar. I’m sure popping the collar was sweet when they taped his episode. Bjorn gave his female friends by giving them clothes to wear for his fashion show. Hart gave all of his female friends clothes to wear to basically by their attendance to his party. I don’t think that was such a bad move, considering that his kick ass birthday party competed with a high school dance. Bjorn threw up due to his nervousness from making his big runway debut. Hart almost threw up because he chugged a lot of Red Bulls like an idiot. If I had to choose which one I enjoyed more, I’d have to go with Hart because of his spaz of a dad.

Side note: Did anyone else think that MTV should’ve played “Whip It” by Devo the band? For his fashion poster, he should’ve worn one of those Devo hats. You may think it’s lame; I personally think it’s brilliant.

I never thought I’d be saying this, but I started watching The OC Season 1. Yeah that’s right…I started watching The OC. I completed the Texas vs. Ohio State game a couple weeks ago and decided that I had no urge to go out. Jess had given me her copy of The OC a week earlier, and I reluctantly accepted it. Since I wasn’t about to read a book and I had watched all the episodes of Law & Order SVU, The OC was my only option. Guess what? I got addicted. I stayed up until 4 AM watching that stuff. Unfortunately, The Corporation was sucking the life out of me and I have not had anytime to begin Disc 5. Hopefully, I will soon continue be able to follow the exploits of Sandy, Seth, and the gang.

I would like to say that my favorite character is most definitely Sandy Cohen. Who knew Peter Gallagher could be so funny? I also want to say that Anna is way better than Summer. Samaire Armstrong, the actress that played Anna, was on Entourage Season 1. She’s the cool one.

If any of you die-hard OC fans want to read an interesting article, I’ll provide the URL below. The Sports Guy had E-mails with the creator or head writer or whatever of The OC and asked him questions before the beginning of Season 3. I was unable to read it because I have not seen enough of The OC to be able to understand it, but I’m sure the article was interesting. Here is the link:

That is all for now folks. I know this one was very sloppy and all over the place, but I just wrote it as a quickie. I didn’t spend my usual hour on this entry. Like I said before, I’m trying to slowly get back into the rhythm of blogging because my creative identity has been sucked from my soul. If you get lucky, I may do a jogging journal of LB on Monday because it looks like it has a lot of promise.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

The Not So Real World

As promised, I am updating my blog more regularly so I can keep you abreast of the events of my life, my thoughts, and how I feel about television shows. I’ve decided I’m going to try to update twice a week—Sunday or Monday and Thursday. I also would appreciate your feedback in the comments section. Feel free to compliment/criticize my writing or subject matter, or feel free to suggest topics about which you’d like me to opine.

I want to let you know about why I choose to write about television so much. You all know my favorite topic is my favorite show. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then just scroll down and read the posts with the pictures of LC and Kristin. I know I also talk a great deal about reality TV, specifically shows on MTV, Video Hits 1, and E!, but I do this for your benefit. I think these are reality shows that have a strong fan base. How many people do you know that haven’t seen Laguna Beach, Cribs, or Hogan Knows Best? I also write about some lesser watched shows on E! like Filthy Rich Cattle Drive and The Girls Next Door just because I want to venture outside of the MTV/VH1 reality realm. I pretty much refuse to watch any network reality TV because it is so censored. The only exceptions are Survivor and The Apprentice, but I’ll only watch those sporadically.

At this point you may be asking yourselves (or not…), “Why doesn’t he write about The Real World?” My answer to that question is that The Real World has evolved into an extra long segment that MTV would have as a Spring Break special. These people are no longer real, rather, they are just playing characters. (NOTE: This argument will sound familiar if you’ve read Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, to which I have referred in previous posts, but rest assured that I am not trying to plagiarize or rip off Chuck Klosterman.) The last season of The Real World that even seemed real to me was the Seattle season. Don’t ask me to put into words why I feel that way, but I just do. Every season since from Hawaii onward has the same characters each season. Choose three males and four females from the following list and you’ll have a cast: militant black man, aspiring musician black man, general normal black man, frat guy 1, frat guy 2, gay guy, bisexual guy, slutty brunette who doesn’t think she’s slutty, slutty blonde who knows she’s slutty, quiet reserved girl who is never on camera, really cute Asian girl with strict Asian parents, goth/punk looking chick, angry black woman, and the female virgin. I’d give examples of each of these, but you all know who fits into these categories.

If you flashback to all the earlier seasons, there was such an eclectic mix of characters. It was great. Puck the Idiot, The Cowboy, The Black Chick Who Rapped, The Private Eye from Miami who had a Threesome, the Guy Who Died from AIDS, The Latina, and last but definitely not least…The Model—Eric Nies. This is all I can name because I was too young to remember everyone and because every season had such a motley crew. These earlier seasons did actually have real people aspiring to make it in The Real World. There were lawyers, musicians, and private investigators. These were real people. I doubt many of the earlier people made too much money off being on the show. Actually, I know this because I have seen Puck’s crib.

Nowadays, all you get from The Real World is a bunch of melodramatic twenty-somethings who bitch about how they think their dad’s/mom’s/etc neglect/abuse/alcoholism/etc affects the way they deal with love/conflict/alcohol/etc. What gave these people the idea that they are able to psychoanalyze themselves? Not only do they psychoanalyze themselves, but they do it drunk as hell. I feel like the plot of every show revolves around alcohol in one way or another. I love alcohol as much as the next person, but The Real World has started relying on it to make the show. Part of me feels like they have a contract with several alcohol distributorships to get liquor and beer in bulk.

Having dissed all of the season from Hawaii to the present, I must say that I do thoroughly enjoy The Real World/Road Rules Challenges. These shows are brilliant. I love these shows because I get to see all these people battle for their yearly income. They just get drunk, hook up, pretend to be friends, compete against one another, and then vote each other off. What if The Miz stopped appearing on these challenges? Do you think he’d have to go on welfare? It’s an interesting thought. I wish some economist did a survey of these people’s incomes and the source of that income. I’d be willing to bet my life that at least 90% is from MTV…well not my life, but maybe a month’s salary.

I will leave you on that note. I am off to New York this weekend to relax and enjoy the company of others. Have a lovely Labor Day Weekend and remember to leave feedback.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Random Semi-Jogging Journal Thoughts

Sorry for being gone so long folks. Multiple things came up: IM football, staying late at The Corporation, being tired, etc. Anyway, I decided that I’d watch the VMAs tonight. I haven’t actually watched the VMAs in a long time, but Lindsay Lohan flashed the peace sign at me and I immediately felt obligated to watch. She didn’t look that bad tonight, but I still think she should gain her weight back and get back to her natural hair color.

Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom are starring in Garden State 2…I mean Elizabethtown. Orlando is having a career crisis and is on the verge of suicide, his dad dies so he goes home, and he meets Kirsten Dunst and they fall in love. At least he isn’t playing an elf, knight, or pirate. He also flashed the peace sign, and I knew that I had chosen the right program to watch.

I knew Green Day was going to win Best Rock Video. That’s so predictable. What was wrong with Mr. Brightside by The Killers? If they won Best Rock Video for When I Come Around, then I’d be totally OK with this but why don’t we try and surprise people by giving the award to someone else.

What was the deal with that dance-off? Usher was looking on and probably thinking “I’d destroy all of you in a dance-off!” Ginuwine is probably watching from home going “Man if I had a hit song and was at the VMA dance-off, I’d destroy everyone including Usher!” Good thing MC Hammer came on and proved to everyone that he is the best dancer to ever live.

Ashley Simpson needs to stop screaming. She is horrible. I can’t believe I used to love Pieces of Me. Yes, I just admitted to loving Pieces of Me.

Jessica Alba is gorgeous. Dwyane Wade, you spell your name incorrectly. Who wasn’t expecting Shaq to come on stage?

Holy shit it’s Eric Roberts! Stop lip-synching R. Kelly. Where are the other actors? This is so weird. R. Kelly, you had so much promise. Why’d you have to go pee on that underage girl? This R. Kelly performance just keeps getting funnier and funnier. Did you guys know Eric Roberts was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar in 1985 for Runaway Train. Now he’s doing music videos for The Killers and Mariah Carey and appearing on the VMAs. I saw his sister Julia on the most recent Dave Matthews Band video. I think the Roberts are trying to conquer the music video world. I know I’m going to anger many people by this, specifically the maniacal DMB fans, but I hate DMB and I think he sucks. I think he sucks even more for spawning John Mayer, who thinks he is Dave Matthews.

Hilary Duff lost a lot of weight, and she looks great. Don’t Joel and Hilary make a good couple? He’s only about 10 years older then her. I think Joel is pushing 30. That must be really awkward meeting Hilary’s parents, especially when she was underage. They were obviously getting it on when she was 17.

That group B5 looks like Soul 4 Real wannabes. For those of you who don’t remember Soul 4 Real, they had one song that performed mediocrely in the mid 90s called Candy Rain. I’m torn between Lindsay Lohan and Ashlee Simpson on the Best Pop Video award. Hey look…Kelly Clarkson changed. I really wish we had gotten to see Mariah Carey more tonight. She probably would’ve changed like 10 times.

I want to personally thank Kanye West for allowing Jamie Foxx and outlet for his musical aspirations. I think it’s hilarious that he is in music videos, both of which involved Kanye West.

I really like this fashion award thing. They are actually doing something nice and giving the money to charity. Snoop…you can’t give it to a football league. Gwen always looks classy. What the hell is Eva wearing?!?! Craziness.

Oh man! Here is Mariah. Cleavage…check. Stilettos…check. Showing off her leg…check. Please give me a wardrobe change…………YESSSS (she is now showing off both legs). Everyone talks about Mariah having that 8 octave voice that can shatter a wine glass...I’d like to see this. That is my challenge to you, Mariah…or Mimi…whatever.

I think one of the greatest mysteries of the world is what the members of Gorillaz look like. Maybe if Kurt Kobain made videos using cartoon characters, he might not have been so famous and traumatized, Nirvana would not be so legendary and topping everyone’s 100 greatest whatever list, Dave Grohl may not have started Foo Fighters, and Courtney Love would not have been so cracked out. That’s the butterfly effect folks.

This performance by MCR is awesome. I thought they were decent before, but I think they’re even better now. Bow Wow is all growns up with an Ice-T ponytail.

Just a thought on Green Day. My 12 year old sister doesn’t believe me when I tell her that Green Day became huge when I was her age—that was 10 years ago. She doesn’t really know about Looney Tunes either. She probably doesn’t even know Hanna Barbera. She also didn’t believe that Michael Jackson used to be black.

Do you think Jaime Foxx will mention his grandmother when he presents the Video of the Year? From Booty Call to Oscar Winner…amazing. Destiny’s Child is definitely singing one of their lines. They always do. I’m thoroughly disappointed that they didn’t sing one of their lines. The on-stage girl in the magenta dress is disgustingly tall. They had to throw in a war reference.

Oh hell yes! Kelly Clarkson! I hope the girls from Laguna Beach come on and sing along just like they did in the limo. I still laugh out loud each time I see that scene. Big ups to Kelly Clarkson for being the only mega star from American Idol. I almost willing to forget the From Justin to Kelly ever happened. I wonder what Justin Guarini is up to these days…

Thanks for being so patient on my updates. I promise I’ll have a real article with coherent thoughts as opposed to these jogging journals and random thoughts.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Random Thoughts

Hey folks. I know it has been awhile, but I finally have an update for you. This post isn’t going to have any real direction, so just stay with me please.

The Fighting Ligers challenged the undefeated team tonight from Monday night kickball. They played 2 fewer games than we did, so their undefeated record is somewhat misleading. The Minneapolis Parks & Rec decided that we should have a one game playoff to decide Target kickball supremacy. Naturally, we won. The score was 2-0. Guess who scored both runs. Yep, you guessed it. It was a total team effort, however, I am an ass; I’m going to give myself credit where credit is due. I only batted twice, but I lead-off both times and got on base like I was supposed to. My teammates did some excellent kicking and getting me home twice. I’ve only been at Target for 7 weeks and I’m already on top of the intramural world. My life is complete. The only reason I’m even still working is because it’s the only way I can stay on top of the intramural world.

I’ve gotten complaints from some people that I only talk about random stuff I see on TV. I’m sorry that I’m not cool as all of you people. I can’t go partying every night. I don’t have 3000 bars from which to choose every night, nor do I have the economic resources to fund going to a bar every night. I choose to enjoy the comforts of the television. It is both cheap and entertaining. I feel no shame in that. While we’re on the subject of bars…There are a couple bars in Minneapolis that offer free drinks on Friday and Saturday night for a certain period of time. I find this to be absolutely amazing. Tonic offers free drinks from 10-11 on Friday and Saturday night for a $5 cover. That’s cheap. The drinks there are really strong, too. The Lone Tree offers free drinks on Saturday night from either 9 or 9:30 until 10:30, and they do not charge a cover. Their drinks, however, are not as strong as the drinks at Tonic.

I think Bill Simmons talks about Boston too much. I know he is from Boston, but it’s getting to the point where I start to roll my eyes as soon as he mentions Boston. I don’t care if he makes comparisons to some Boston things, but it gets annoying when he writes paragraphs about Boston subjects. I really wish he would do more mailbags and do that E-mail thing with Chuck Klosterman again. That was nasty.

I like Scoop Jackson. He has a unique writing style.

I just saw Kelly Monaco in Maxim. She is hot.

I’m in the middle or reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. Did you know the US ran a war game around 2000 or 2001? I’m going to sum it up for you. They put a retired general or colonel or something like that as the leader of the enemy. It was the US versus a Middle Eastern power that was headed by a dictator. The retired guy was awesome and he sank like 14 ships and aircraft carriers. He pretty much won. Can you guess what the US did? They basically reset the game. The ships magically weren’t sunk anymore, and the enemy had a limit on the weapons and missiles they could use. Not surprisingly, the US won the war game the 2nd time around because, well, they cheated. They used this as proof that they were going to win in the Middle East. And you wonder why so many soldiers are dying.

I’m going to start buying lotto tickets. If I win, I’m going to take all my friends on a sick vacation. We’re going to get our own private villas and just go crazy. I’m also going to invite LC, Stephen, Lo, Trey, Dieter, Talan, Jessica, and Lindsay Lohan’s mom. Lindsay Lohan can come if she gets her normal hair color back and puts on that weight that she lost in an effort to be thinner than the Olsens. Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn, Ron Livingston, Patrick Van Horn, Alex Desert, and Doug Liman will also be invited. For those of you who don’t know the aforementioned reality stars, actors, or director, then you truly don’t know me. Brad Pitt will be welcome as well; he’s the coolest. I also want to invite all the people from Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive. I especially want to see the Honorable Alexander Clifford. He’s the son of the 14th Baron the Lord Thomas Hugh John Clifford of Chudleigh, Devon. That cracks me up. He also looks really goofy. Haley Giraldo and Kourtney Kardashian are also invited. They are hot. They’re so spoiled and funny. I’d give them so much shit. Anyway, we’d just go crazy on some tropical island. It’d be nuts. My ideas are too outlandish to put down in writing.

The music on Laguna Beach is nasty. They really should let us know the songs they play, like what they do on the WB. They tell you the artists that had songs on that episode. They just played Screaming Infidelities by Dashboard Confessional, another old Dashboard classic about heartbreak. Alex is stalking Jason. What a psycho. Casey gets uglier by the episode. God help her if she doesn’t marry someone rich or inherit her parents’ money, because she seems really stupid and will never make it on her own.

Whoa! Hilary Duff video with that catchy song from the Kohl’s commercial. I’m pretty happy…except there was no LC or Stephen on this episode.

This girl on My Super Sweet 16 is annoying as hell. If she were my kid, I’d smack her. No party. What kind of parents let their children act like that? How do you even raise your kids to get to that point?